Hills and Valleys

What a crazy and amazing journey this has been. If someone had told me six months ago that we would host, and then later move to adopt, a Ukrainian orphan I would have thought they were crazy!

We couldn't have predicted this journey, and yet we wouldn't change it for the world. Though I must be honest, it has been an emotional ride.

I am learning so much through this experience. About patience, about my faith, about my husband and son, about my fortitude, about generosity and sacrifice, and so much more!

There are days that are great...that I can almost feel Ruslan in my arms...that the Lord's provision is so clear before me, that his presence is so tangible. That I am sure and strong in my conviction to rescue, and love and raise this little boy. That I have no doubt in my mind that this is what the Lord would have for us, and for Ruslan. That the photos and memories of Ruslan keep us motivated and inspired. That I am simply in awe at the so many, many people that have offered support in so many different forms and fashions.

And then there are days when the "to do" list seems too long, and I think of all the "thank-you" notes I still haven't written. There are days that the tears flow freely, that my husband and I lie awake wondering if we are just dreamers. Sometimes it feels like we will never see the day when Ruslan is home. Days when I am frustrated and discouraged, days when I feel I don't have the energy to set up and organize one more fundraiser, to solicit one more auction donation, or to irritate friends and acquaintances with one more post asking for support.

We've been kept busy since Ruslan left with the "business" of preparing for his adoption. There was the homestudy, the fingerprints, the passports, the immigration application, the medical appointments for us and Mason, the documents and the apostilles, the fundraisers...and while we are constantly fundraising, everything else has sort of come to a lull. We have just two documents to finish for our dossier, and that will be sent out to Ukraine on February 22nd. And then we wait some more until we hear about a travel date. It's like the momentum swept us up, and now that things are quiet we are coming down.

Our expected travel date is less than two months after our dossier submission in February. We are all too aware of the very harsh reality is that we may need to postpone our dossier submission date if we don't raise the needed funds in time. That the likelihood of coming up with over $20,000 in a month is slim. This means even more time that Ruslan is in the orphanage, and the uncertainty of exactly when the new submission date would even be. I am sometimes embarrassed at my worldly thinking sometimes, and the feelings of defeat that creep in. And I don't know why I do that!

I know this will only happen in the Lord's time. I know that we only want His will to be done. I know that He has shown us His faithfulness, provision and presence in countless ways. So we stay the course, we remember exactly what it is that we're fighting for, and we continue to pray that the light in Ruslan's eyes, and the love in his heart are guarded and preserved until we can come for him. And we wait on the Lord. We try to be still, and know that He is God. And we praise Him through it all.

So Close...Yet So Far Away!

We received our dossier submission date- February 22nd. Which means about 7 weeks after that, we can expect to be traveling to the Ukraine to bring Ruslan home. This leaves us with a few documents to gather/complete, and some apostilles to acquire as well. It also leaves us with a tremendous amount of fundraising to do between now and the end of March!

We are overjoyed, and at the same time a bit overwhelmed! We never anticipated that things would move this quickly. We were planning Easter fundraisers, not Easter travel!

Of course, our goal is to have Ruslan home with us as soon as possible. So, we are extremely grateful that God has been in the details, and that our paperwork thus far has gone smoothly.

We are also SO VERY thankful to Nathanson's...the agency who did our homestudy so professionally and efficiently, to Stork International Adoptions, who have been patient with expecting payments, and at the same time have gone out of their way to make this process easy and to help with grant applications and making sure we understand all the steps in this long and complicated journey. We are so thankful that they have faith in us, and even more importantly, faith in a God whose provision and presence has been so evident.

We just think about what an amazing testimony this journey will be. We imagine how wonderful it will be to tell two little boys that with God, truly, all things are possible. We look to a day when we can tuck Ruslan into a clean, warm bed with a full belly and an even fuller heart.

It is so hard to be away from him this holiday season. To know that there is no celebration for him, no family gatherings, no joy. It is our Christmas wish that next year, he will have a stocking hanging by our fireplace. There will be gifts under the tree for him. And he will be home with us to celebrate Jesus' birth and the true meaning of Christmas. Ruslan, your Christmas wish has come true...you DO have a family! I am sorry we can't be together this Christmas...but we are here, loving you and waiting for you to come home!

You Help Us Put The FUN in Fundraising!

Many thanks to those of you supporting our fundraising efforts in so many ways. We love showing up to a fundraiser to see so many faces...the hands and feet of Jesus as we work to bring this little boy home! We hope you'll join us on Thursday, December 29th from 4-7pm at Monkey Joe's in Cary. (1747 Walnut St.) 25% of all proceeds during that three hour window go to our adoption fund. Thanks also to those of you who took part in our Journey of Faith candle fundraiser....you helped us add $500 to the adoption fund. With a community of love and support around us, it truly does make fundraising FUN! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your steadfast support, and most importantly, for helping us spread the word!

Could This Really Be Happening!?

It's been quite some time since I've posted here....seems like the hours run into days sometimes, and life gets busy! For those of you who didn't catch my update on Facebook, they have decided to keep Ruslan where he is until we come for him, rather than move him to a special needs facility. That is great news to us! We are so glad he doesn't have to endure yet another transition!

When we first felt a stirring in our heart to host an orphan, we never really thought it would actually happen! We felt the cost was insurmountable, and we would never be able to accomplish it. And then we did, with the help of an amazing church family and group of friends!

We never imagined ourselves going down the road this adoption journey has taken us down. We wrote the idea of international adoption off as something that would be really nice in theory, but unattainable for our family. We never imagined we could be approved by a homestudy agency as a family recommended to adopt a child. And then we were.

We tried to ignore the stirring of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. We tried in every way possible to tell the Lord "no", though he so clearly had plans to use us in this journey somehow. Even when we began fundraising efforts, we were convinced that would be only to help another family adopt Ruslan. As the time of Ruslan's visit drew to an end, we were sort of discouraged that a family hadn't been found for Ruslan. And then we realized it had. Us.

We could come up with every excuse possible...we don't have the funds...we don't think we should adopt a child older than Mason...we won't get appproved...it will never work out. The Lord wasn't interested in our excuses. He was interested in our obedience. So, we took a deep breath, and took a step out in faith.

He has so clearly honored that obedience, and His presence and provision have been so evident thus far. He has continually provided physical, emotional and logistical support in the perfect timing that can only be His. He has opened doors, and paved the way thus far, and we will continue to follow Him where he leads. He has surrounded us with a church family, amazing friends, and our own families...all who have been instrumental in us making it to this point in the journey.

We spent quite some time in double mindedness, trying to discern if this was truly "of the Lord" or of our own desires. Then it hit us one day, it isn't up to us to discern that. He will make that very clear by the doors he chooses to open or close. Our job is to seek Him daily, listen for his voice, and be obedient. He will reveal, in His own time and way, if it is His will for Ruslan to be in our family.

With our homestudy finalized and approved, it is so crazy to think this might actually happen? That we could actually bring our son home to complete our family. That we aren't just crazy for believing in the possibility. That truly, all things are possible with God.

The process has been so remarkably smooth, that we are almost worried about getting the "cart before the horse" so to speak. We say that because our homestudy is being sent out in a few days to be registered with the State Department of Adoptions in Ukraine, our immigration application is being sent out in a few days as well, and just a couple months after that, our dossier will be ready to be sent over to Ukraine. At that time, a fairly significant payment is due. And then we get our travel date, and a significant payment is due for airfare, etc. and for fees once we arrive in the country.

Again, a time to remind ourselves that He is the jockey of our "horse and cart", not us....and if the cart gets a little before the horse, we have faith that the horse will follow. We are resting in knowing that the Lord pays for what he orders. And, we can't ignore the tremendous provision he has brought already.

We are thankful for friends and family who support us, and believe in us.

We are thankful for the beautiful child the Lord has already given us, and so grateful that he too has a heart for Ruslan, a desire for a sibling, and is so secure in our love for him that he welcomes the idea readily.

We are thankful for an agency that realizes the heart behind our efforts, and is patient in expecting payments, and lenient with due dates.

We are thankful to Ruslan's birth mother-despite the fact that she gave him up-because she decided to give birth rather than terminate, and that she gave us the gift of getting to know him.

We are thankful to our amazing church family...had someone told us years ago that we would be surrounded by so many ready to walk along side us, celebrate our wins, and hold us up during our trials, we never would have believed it.

We are thankful to friends and family who have offered of their time, treasures, talents, ideas, stories, and more to support us.

We are ultimately thankful for each step in this journey, each high and each low, and the way God is using all of it to draw us closer to Him.

And we are thankful that it is looking, at least today, like this dream of ours might actually happen. That we might actually be able to give a loving home to a little boy who so desperately needs one.

Enough?

We received the following news today:

"I followed up about the situation where the orphanage director had asked about the timeline for your adoption process because of concern she had for being able to accommodate Ruslan. I relayed that your home study was still a few weeks from being done and that you would not likely get your dossier to Ukraine in time for an SDA appointment date in December. The last two years the SDA has paused appointment assignments after about December 10th and not restarted until the first week in February. The opinion was quickly stated that the orphanage director would move Ruslan. Ruslan knows you are coming and his assurance has emboldened his behavior in ways that create challenges for the orphanage staff.

I can't provide any details about what's ahead. Ruslan would likely be moved within the region to a facility that is geared to developmentally delayed children. It really is hard to assess whether this move would be positive or negative. I am sure there would be some of both dynamics affecting the new situation.

In situations like this where there is little that can be done to change the outcome or the direction of things, our best tactic is to pray and ask for God's blessing in the midst of a trying situation. And move forward as quickly as is possible with your adoption preparations.

I will continue to inquire about developments and will pass you the address of Ruslan's new orphanage."

I just don't have words. When is enough enough? When will we be able to bring this little boy home to a loving family? When will the disruption in this little boy's life be calmed, so he can work on building trust and learning that he can depend on someone? I know we are told that it is hard to tell whether this change will be positive or negative...I am really trying to be objective and consider the positive in this move....but my heart as a mother, my experiences with Ruslan...they both tell me that this move is a negative for him. It means feeling rejected and cast out once again...feeling not good enough yet another time....it means leaving the only thing he knows as normal right now, and disconnecting from the only "friends" and caretakers he knows....it means the awareness that yet another person/people are giving him up because they no longer want him.....it means developing new coping mechanisms, which may mean his behavior worsens....it means fear and apprehension about a new situation, and about new caretakers which Ruslan is particularly uneasy with...it means new sounds and sights, which I can only guess are not always that positive in a facility for delayed children....some comfort comes in knowing that God loves this child even more than we do, and that He will watch over him. We pray that is enough.

I am in tears as I write this. I am angry. I am frustrated. I am saddened and I hurt for Ruslan. I know this process needs to be in the Lord's time, but I sometimes wish I could just wave a magic wand and have Ruslan home. That money was no obstacle, and that we could just submit our paperwork tomorrow and move forward in the process. That we could avoid this move that places him in yet another institution, and adds more emotional baggage that will need unpacking.

I was at first surprised to hear that Ruslan knows we are coming for him. I was unclear as to how this could be, since we have been exceptionally careful to not even HINT at that possibility. But part of me is not surprised...we are his parents. The only mother and father he has ever known. Of course he will assume we are coming to take him home, just as we know our Heavenly father will call us home one day. Because a Father doesn't forsake his children, and neither do parents. I pray with every fiber of my being that he knows we are coming for him...not in his mind, but in his heart, in his soul. That we love him unconditionally, that we will not cast him away, and that his spot at the breakfast table is still here. That his toys are waiting, that his clothes are clean and ready, that his little brother is eager to laugh and play again. I pray that truth is enough to sustain him during difficult days, and that it is a hope he can cling to.

Please lift our family in prayer, and most importantly, please lift Ruslan in prayer. Pray specifically for safety and protection for him, for his peace, courage and fortitude.

Pray that the Lord's will be done, and that we are obedient in what he calls us to.

Pray that if the Lord would have Ruslan to be our son, that he continues to bless our journey and help it move forward with Godspeed.

Thank you to the so many of you who have given of your time, treasures and personal experience to support us. Words truly are not enough to say thank you...please know that this family will be eternally grateful to you. We hope that is enough!

The Power of Prayer....

We will have our application for our homestudy completed tomorrow, and will be sending it in along with the application fee. As the ball officially gets rolling with our adoption process, we'd like to humbly come before you and ask for your prayers. Please keep us in your thoughts, and lift our requests up to the Lord. We know there is no limit to what can be accomplished through Him, and His presence has been so evident thus far.

Please pray specifically for:

Wisdom and discernment as we navigate the paper trail, our finances, and all requirements, documents, etc.

Perserverance for our family as we embark on this lengthy journey that will test our faith, our patience, our finances, our emotions and so much more.

Safety and protection for Ruslan, that he would be healthy and well until we can get him out of the orphanage and bring him home. That he can continue to learn of our, and most importantly God's, love for him.

For Mason, that he would feel loved, valued and connected, and that his heart would be protected along this journey. That we find the right words to acknowledge the love and compassion he feels for Ruslan, and that we can facilitate well if that love has a chance to manifest itself in a developing sibling relationship one day.

Softened hearts for family and friends who are having a difficult time accepting and/or supporting the notion of international adoption, or the notion that we are adopting at all. That these relationships would not allow bitterness or resentment to settle in our hearts.

Us to get out of the way and allow His will for Ruslan and our family to be evident and clear. For us to obediently walk in the path that He would lay before us, to willingly go through open doors and have understanding and acceptance in the face of closed doors, resting in the knowledge that His plan is always perfect.

For creativity in fundraising, that when payments come due, we are able to fruitully see the Lord's provision through our efforts and fundraising strategies. That the timing of our fundraising efforts is such that the process is allowed to continue without interruption.

For continued moral and emotional support, and a network of family and friends to confide in, lean on and share this journey with.

Most importantly, that we continue to be seeking Him in all that we do, and that we are listening every day for His voice, His path, His direction for our family and this little boy.

Thank you, each and every one, for joining us along this journey. We truly couldn't do it without you, and we are so humbled by the support we have received thus far. We are eternally grateful.

Yard Sales, Candles and Coffee, oh my!

Fundraising is a full time job! I am in awe of the families that completed this journey last yearly almost entirely on the fruits of their fundraising. I am also so thankful to those who have reached out to sell on our behalf, open their yard for a sale, share our story on their blog/website/facebook,etc., buy and wear our t-shirts as living advertisements, eat themselves silly at the Sweet Tomatoes buffet and so much more. Each one of these efforts brings us one step closer to bringing Ruslan home forever.

We were driving in the car today, and Mason saw something that we drove by (some frog something or other..not sure if it was a sign, or what!) He said, "Mama...that reminds me of Ruslan, because I saw that when Ruslan was here, and that makes me think about him!" Ruslan is in our hearts and on our minds so often.

We know it is a long, uphill battle to raise the funds needed to bring him home. We also know that we are all in, that we are fully committed to this walk as long as He would have us on it. That no effort is to little, no donation too small, to make a difference and bring us closer to that goal.

We plan to send a small gift, and a note back to Ruslan when a local family returns to Ukraine to finalize their adoption in a couple weeks. We can only imagine him receiving our note and gift...maybe unsure how to react, but knowing that we are thinking about him and loving him. I am so thankful for a family willing to reach out to him on our behalf in the midst of their own journey, and for the opportunity to send him a little "booster shot" to the affirmations we planted in his heart this summer. I miss that boy with every fiber of my being.

Thank you hardly seems enough to say to the so many people who have been praying, donating, advocating and more. It truly takes a village, and we are so humbled and blessed to count each of those people as partners in this journey. They will be such a significant part of this little boy's history, and it is our hope that they will also be a part of his future. We can't wait to tell Ruslan about the many, many people that were fighting for him. That for the first time in his life, there were people who CHOSE him, and didn't discard him- there were people that LOVED him, not merely tolerated him, and that his parents may have abandoned him, but his Heavenly Father will NEVER forsake him.

We are forever indebted to those individuals that chose to make this their cause too, that chose to invest in a little boy they may never know or meet, that chose to give sacrificially of time, emotions, resources and talents. We have a gratitude that can't be adequately expressed, and we are blessed beyond measure.