First Orphanage Visit

Yesterday, we drove for about 7 hours to the region where Ruslan's orphanage is located.  It's a small town, and we are staying in an apartment on a dirt road not far from the orphanage (and the market!).  When we arrived in town, we first stopped at the Inspector's office.  When we arrived, she wasn't available to see our facilitator, so we all went to have lunch first.  We went to a large market (similar to Wal-Mart, and we have affectionately been calling it that!) to eat.  In the back of the store is a cafeteria with a salad bar, and a hot food bar.  I wish I could say I have been adventurous in my food choices, but the sad truth is that I am sticking to things I know.  (I did try green borscht though, and that was pretty good!)  I had chicken and boiled potatoes for lunch, and it was very good!  After lunch, we headed back to the Inspector's office, and when we arrived we walked right in.  She asked us to tell her a little about ourselves, and then she talked with our facilitator for quite some time.  We signed off that we received the referral, and then we were on our way to the orphanage. 

I was staring out the window, all the way down the road, trying to catch a glimpse of the orphanage and so anxious to arrive.  All the way, I saw school children on the side of the road walking.  I assume there must have been a school nearby, though I didn't see it.  I was wondering if that was the school that Ruslan went to, as he leaves the orphanage to go to a regular school. 

The first thing I noticed about the orphanage was the black fence around it, and the gate we had to drive through to get in.  As we pulled in, I just tried to take it all in.  When we walked in there was a billboard with photos of kids engaged in different activities.  I couldn't read what it said since it was in Russian, but it almost look like an advertisement for the orphanage or something.  Maybe meant to give adoptive families a feel for what the children do there...not sure!  It was eerily quiet, and I didn't see or hear one child on the way to the Director's office.  Maybe they were outside, or in another building.

As we walked in, I was so filled with anticipation, and also a little nervous!  We walked through to the Director's office, and sat down in front of her desk.  There, she filled us in on Ruslan's history.  His mother was born in 1982, and she was single when she had Ruslan in 2002.  She never took Ruslan home from the hospital when he was born, and originally signed custody over for a 6 month temporary period.  She then wrote a letter requesting he remain in custody.  She never appeared in court so her parental rights were terminated by default.  He was in the hospital for a year, and then placed in a different orphanage until he was 4.  Then he came to the orphanage where he is now 5 years ago.  His mother never came to visit him when he was in the hospital, or since.  She lives with someone now, as well as a brother and sister of Ruslan's. The orphanage tried to request support payments from her, but since neither her nor her cohabitor have jobs, they were unsuccessful.  They suspect Ruslan was given up because of his hare lip and cleft palate. 

The orphanage doctor then came in to tell us about Ruslan's medical history.  He has had three surgeries to repair his cleft/lip, and it is likely more work is necessary.  They also told us he was taken to a mental institution in April, and they found him to be free of any mental incapacitation, other than his "defect" (cleft lip/palate) but that he is developmentally delayed (which comes as no surprise to us, given the circumstances he has been living in for the duration of his life thus far) and he will require speech therapy (also no surprise).

I have been thinking about Ruslan's mother for days.  I don't know why...and I am really trying not to be judgmental, because I have never been in her position, and I don't know what it's like.  But I am sad for Ruslan that he was cast away...I am angry that the one person in the world who was supposed to be there for him wasn't, and it hurts my heart to think about him laying in a hospital for the first year of his life with no one there to comfort and love him.  I think about the three surgeries he endured as a young boy, with no one there to comfort him.  Going under anesthesia and all that comes along with the procedure and healing....not once, but three times.  I think about sending Mason off to surgery as a little boy....alone...and my stomach turns to think of his fear, his inability to understand, and how desperately he would need to held, loved and nurtured afterward.  And I am glad that God was with Ruslan when we couldn't be.

We are told he has tested negative for HIV, hepatitis, syphillis and is generally healthy.  We have a physical set up for him when we get home, where we will have a full examination, labs, etc. completed.  We'll also be making a trip to the dentist.  We spoke with his school as well, and the principal was extremely helfpul in helping us identify a class where the teacher was most likely to work well with him, and the children were most apt to be accepting.  He will be getting speech therapy, and he'll be starting below what his grade level would typically be for his age, to allow him time to catch up.  He'll, of course, be in ESL classes for several months.  I am grateful beyond measure for the blessing of being able to spend some time home with him when he gets back to the US, so I can help him transition more successfully. 

While we were speaking with the doctor, someone opened the Director's door and made an inquiry of the Director in Russian....the Director nodded her head in approval, and I am assuming the woman was asking if Ruslan could come in because after the Director's nod, the door opened and there he was.  My breath caught in my throat, and I wasn't expecting him....didn't have the camera ready...but no matter...that is a moment that is forever etched in my mind.  To say he was beaming would be an understatement.  He literally ran across the room in to my arms, and we just hugged...and I cried....and he didn't let go! Then he hugged Bill, who was also tearing up.  He has grown a bit taller, and his haircut is definitely in need of some attention...but he was beautiful...and there...in my arms, finally! After nine months of waiting, hoping and praying, our little boy was in our arms.  He was so excited to see us, his little hands were shaking.  He reached out to hold my hand, wherever we went.  We took some photos, and then we were brought upstairs to a play room of sorts to spend some time together. 

We took pictures (one of Ruslan's favorite past times...the camera was what brought him out of his shell in the airport when he first came to us for hosting) so we have lots of photos of random things on our camera now!  We played some ball, and it was so great to be alone with him.  Bill picked Ruslan up to touch the ceiling, one of Ruslan's favorite things, and he was giggling and squealing with delight!  At one point, a small group of children came in to the room, and we had to leave.  It looked like they were doing a gym class of sorts.  I could see in to the room as their class was going on, and I wanted to hug those children with their curious eyes and covert smiles and waves.  We were in the younger children's building, and I was a bit sad not to be able to see where Ruslan has been living.  I was really hopeful to get some photos for him. 

After our visit, our facilitator came in and was talking to Ruslan in Russian.  I could tell Ruslan was suddenly sad and withdrawn.  I asked what the conversation was, and we were told that Ruslan would now be staying on this side of the orphanage, with the younger children.  We were told that the older children would be really hard on him once they found out he was going home to a family, so it would be better for him to be with the younger children.  Ruslan was very sad, and so were we.  In his last days there, he is taken from the children and caregivers  he knows and moved in to a whole new building, with no warning.  It was even harder because it was also time for us to leave.  We explained that we'd be coming back tomorrow (today) to see him, and he gave us each a hug.  Then he walked away with his head down, looking at the ground and clearly upset.  It was so hard to walk away.  I tried to look back to see if he was okay, but I couldn't see him. 

It was a very emotional day.  A good friend pointed out that it was almost as if I had been building up all this emotion over the past nine months, and seeing him was like a release of all that.  So I came back to the apartment and had a pretty good cry.  Which seemed very backwards and unexpected to me, as it was such a happy day! I was grateful for the wisdom and encouragement of some amazing women, who really were able to point me back to God, and offer the words I needed to cling to yesterday.  I love this thought, shared by someone who has been on this same journey:  "Isn't it amazing to think that throughout Ruslan's life, each time he has cried, God has cried with him... and now he has a mama to cry when he hurts... and it is a miracle."

I just have to remember that God is with him when we can't be, loves Him even more than we do, and has only the best plans for him.  I cling to that today. 

Prayer Requests

As we pack up, and prepare for the seven hour drive to the region where Ruslan's orphanage is, I'd love to share a few prayer requests.  We appreciate all of you back  home who are lifting us up, encouraging us, and joining us in this amazing journey.

Please pray specifically for the following:

• Safe travels on our drive to the region, that our driver would be energized and alert.
• Mason, who is having some tearful moments and missing us, and the entire Sullivan family as they care for him.
• Katrina who is staying with our dogs, and that they would remain healthy and not give her any trouble!!!!!!
• Our family that we aren't able to connect with online, that they would have peace of mind and rest in knowing that we are safe and doing well.
• Ruslan, that he can sort and process the overwhelming emotions he must have during this time of transition.  That he feels God's love in a mighty way as he balances both the joy of starting a new life, and the grieving that goes with leaving the only one he's ever known behind.
• The orphanage caregivers and Director, that they remain open to having us in the orphanage and that they allow us to visit and engage with the children.  That we can share photos and stories with the families waiting back home, anxious to make their own journey to bring their children home.
• The orphans, that the Lord will work through us to share the gospel, and that we are able to reflect the light and love of God.  That they can each feel valued and know that they are perfect in God's eyes and so loved by Him.
• For the paperwork, the process, and the court system that things would go smoothly.
• For Ruslan's mother, wherever she is, that she is at peace and that she knows in her heart that the Lord is watching over and protecting Ruslan, and that he will be part of a loving family.  That she knows what an amazing gift she has given us, and that our intent to love her boy with all that we are is somehow evident to her. 
• For us, as we prepare to encounter the orphanage and all that it entails.  That we can rest in knowing that God has a plan for each of those children, and that we can be a small part of it.
• For Bill as he will remain here for weeks after I go home, and then travel home with Ruslan. 
• That ultimately, His will be done, and we are able to humbly and obediently follow where He leads.

Thank you so much for your prayers.  They mean so much to us, and your encouragement and support have been so uplifting.  We're not sure how our internet connection will be in the region where Ruslan's orphanage is, or if we'll even have one.  So we'll try to connect as soon as we're settled there, and if not, I'll be back home on June 10th!

SDA Appointment

Our SDA appointment was this morning.  We traveled into downtown Kiev, over cobblestone streets and in to a construction zone! Apparently they are working to repair the road outside the SDA Office. (We must have parked in a spot we weren't supposed to be in because when it was time to leave, we were blocked in by two police cars and had to move some cones to get out!) When we arrived, we were a bit early, so we waited outside in the car.  Which we wondered about, thinking it would be better to get in line or something! But then at noon, the time of our appointment, we walked in.  As we suspected, there were several people already waiting in line.  Calculating in our minds how long each person before us would take, we planned to be there for quite some time.  And then the doors to the office opened, and a woman came out and called our facilitator by name.  She ushered us upstairs to the office, past all of the other waiting people! Grateful for our facilitator's relationship with the office, we walked right in and sat down. 

The room was small, but comfortable.  The shelves were full of thick binders holding profiles of the children available for adoption.  We were asked how we know Ruslan, and why we wanted to adopt him.  We were asked if he knows that we are coming.  Then, she took out his file and placed it before us.  And tears welled up in my eyes.  I just ran my fingers over his face in those pictures and stifled the urge to cry.  There was a photo of Ruslan when he was much younger- probably one of the few that exist of him at a younger age.  And he was all innocence, with his adorable smile. There were also a couple photos that look a little more like him today.  And my heart broke for him. And I thought of Mason at that young age...all the snuggles we had, the bond we shared, the time we spent rocking in the chair before bed, the sweaty sweet sleepiness of him that I used to inhale, and the confidence he had in knowing we would always be there for him.  And it made me so painfully aware that Ruslan never got to experience that.  Never had the love of a mother and father.  Missed out on being held close, on forming those crucial bonds.  A wise person wrote me a card to open once we arrived here.  In the card, it says we'll experience lots of emotions when visiting the orphanage, and that it was her prayer that God would hold us together while breaking our hearts, but that it's through that heartbreak that our hearts can be aligned with God's.  (Her words were much more eloquent..I am really not doing it justice!)

I do believe the Lord places the lonely in families, and I believe He has called us on this journey.  Maybe it is to break our hearts for orphans.  Maybe it's for all the ways He has stretched and grown our faith over the last year.  Maybe it's because we were meant to encounter all of the individuals we have along this journey, maybe it's because this boy was ours long before we ever knew.  His ways are great, and we are humbly and obediently trying to follow Him and be open to His will. 

But the image of that younger Ruslan sticks in my mind.  And I think of his mother.  And I wonder about her.  And I try not to judge.  But I think of her at home with the two children she kept, and I wonder how it was for her to give Ruslan up.  Was it by choice? Did she feel pressured? Was it against her will? Was it because of his deformity? Did she weep, or carelessly cast him off?  Does she think about him? Does she visit him? Will he one day long to know his siblings? Do his siblings know they have a brother out there somewhere? And I know these answers will likely never come.  I pray for her tonight, and I am thankful to her for the gift of Ruslan.  And I pray that I never know what it is like to have to give up a child. 

The woman at the SDA office said we can keep the photo of him as a young child if we replace it with another photo.  We don't have access to a printer, or a way to develop a photo but we are going to do everything we can to try and make that happen.  It is one of the few shreds of Ruslan's history, and we'd like to bring it home with us to preserve for him.

She told us a little about Ruslan....his birthdate, his siblings, his medical history, then asked if we wanted to see any other files.  We told her no, so she called to verify that Ruslan was in the orphanage, and she approved the referral.  We get our referral tomorrow at 4pm, and then we leave at 4am to travel to the region where his orphanage is. I just can't wait to see him....and if the tears came so freely at just the sight of his photo, I better bring some tissues!

Egg McMuffins, and Hotcakes and Hash Browns, Oh My!!!

WE JUST GOT TO SKYPE OUR BOY!!! YAY!!!!  And, I forgot to tell the comical anecdote that Mason told the people he is staying with, as they drove by McDonald's, that he has had that every day for breakfast for 11 weeks (or something crazy like that! I can't remember the exact amount!) Only in his dreams!!!! 

The Red Thread........

So, for those of you who haven't been keeping up on Facebook, we have arrived safely in Kiev.  We got in yesterday, and were exhausted after traveling! (We've got lots of down time right now, so this blog entry might have more detail than you want!)

After inadvertently looking at the arrival time instead of the departure time on our itinerary, we had to make a mad dash for the airport!  Graciously, the people watching Mason and the person driving us to the airport were able to accomodate the last minute change, and put up with our fiasco to get us out in time.  We pulled Mason out of school early, and accidentally left the dog-sitter with no key! (What I heard Bill say: "Do we need to leave a key for the dog sitter?" to which I replied "Yes!".....what he ACTUALLY said: "DID you leave a key for the dog sitter?" to which he thought I was saying YES! Oh brother, we miscommunicate in our native language, nevermind a foreign country!!!) Thankfully we had thought, at the last minute, to leave one with the people watching Mason, so they were able to coordinate and get a key to the dog sitter!  Our lawn however, was already reaching forest heights due to the rain all week and our crazy schedules. Bill planned to mow it right before we left, but the mix up with our flight times left us dashing out before he could do it.  So, THAT will be quite the adventure when we return!

We took a short flight from RDU (Raleigh-Durham) in to Washington, DC where we had a layover for a few hours.  On this first flight, I just kept welling up with tears.  (Not surprising for those of you who know me!) I just was so overwhelmed by this amazing miracle, by the love and support, by the fact that we were actually going....that it was really going to happen! (I am sure being exhausted, and leaving Mason added to the emotion.) But even Bill was emotional.  I mean truly, how do you say thank you? It just completely amazes us that the Lord could use so many wonderful and amazing individuals to help unite us with our boy. 

After that short flight, we flew on an 8 hour flight from DC to Munich, Germany.  When we got on that plane, we were sandwiched in the middle of a 4 seat row, with someone on either side of us.  Well, the thought of riding like that for 8 hours overnight was not too appealing, so I waited and watched.  As the plane filled up, I noticed one two seat row that had yet to be filled.  Like a hunter stalking her prey, I watched that seat...nervous with anticipation each time someone approached, and sighing relief when they kept walking by!  I asked the flight attendant if we could move in to those seats and I was told it was a full flight and we likely wouldn't be able to, but if they were empty when boarding ended we could go ahead and switch.  I am not to proud to admit that I did put my bag in the seat as a place holder, lest some other sardined passengers had the same idea...thinking it might act as a deterrent! Well, I am pleased to say that we were able to move, and we got to ride in our own 2 seat row for the overnight flight...which was really doing the people on the ends of that 4 seat row a favor too, so we were all happy.  (Particularly Bill, because the gentlemen next to him apparently didn't have much use for deodorant!)

We didn't sleep all that well on the flight, though we did get some rest in.  We had dinner and breakfast on the plane, and were able to watch some movies too.  (Or start watching, as we both did fall asleep for a bit during the movies!)

We had about an hour layover in Munich and then caught our last 2 hour flight to Kiev.  This airplane had lots of leg room, a larger cabin, and we both had room around us as the flight was not full.  Landing in Kiev, we were super nervous about customs, and the men in the camoflauge uniforms and combat boots didn't ease my nerves any! Turns out, we went through passport control without a word from the passport agent, and we never got a customs form on the plane (as our paperwork said we would).  After customs, we retrieved our luggage from the baggage carousel and sent it through the x-ray machine, then wandered aimlessly wondering what to do next.  Surely that couldn't be it? There was a door out of the airport to our right, a couple doors to some small offices in front of us, and a customs desk to the left.  Afraid to just walk out and miss some important step, we stopped at the customs desk to ask if we were supposed to check in there.  Some random guy, and the customs agent as well, were like "No...just go...you go out those doors!"   So that was it! No questions, no customs, no problem!  We walked out to a sea of people waiting, but were easily able to pick out our driver holding a sign with our name. 

He introduced himself, and was very nice.  He helped get our bags in to the car, and we were off.  He brought us to the market where we met our facilitator.  We drove through Kiev, looking at buildings, shops, billboards, and even a few McDonald's! At the store we were able to get a few groceries (with some guidance, because we couldn't read anything!) and exchange some money.  (Though one of our hundred dollar bills wasn't accepted because it wasn't new enough!)  We weren't very adventurous with the groceries, and got things we were mostly familiar with! We bought some bottled water, a bottle of Coca-Cola, some bread, some yogurt (because we could recognize the Dannon label!), some pasta (and after some help finding it, some spaghetti sauce!), butter (that our facilitator found for us!), milk (again, we picked up a bottle of white liquid thinking it was milk, but apparently it was kefir or something, but definitely not milk.  I don't know what kefir is....but they said we didn't want it, so we didn't take it!)  We packed our own PB & J, tuna fish and mayonnaise from home, so we plan to eat simple and keep the food budget down!  We also got a phone card so we can keep in touch with our facilitator easily. (And then somehow used the whole thing up in just a minute long phone call to Mason...guess it was a local phone card...and we'll be buying another....lesson learned!)  We met our facilitator's wife and daughter, and they were so kind and welcoming.  We went on to our apartment.

The elevator is tiny, so Bill and our facilitator took it with our luggage, and I walked up to meet them on the third floor.  Our apartment is furnished, complete with linens, dishes, silverware, soap, etc.  It has a washer, but no dryer, so we'll have to plan ahead for drying time when doing laundry.  It seems to be that we are the only Americans in the area though, and I feel like we stick out like a sore thumb (whether it's true or not!)  There is a school across the street from our apartment, and a playground on the other side.  It's nice to look out during the day and see families at the park together.  Everyone is out walking around on the sidewalks, near the market, etc.  The weather is beautiful, and the apartment is comfortable and safe. It's been nice having some time to relax and catch our breath.  After the pace of the last nine months, trying to fundraise, organize and complete paperwork, fundraise some more, prepare our hearts, our home and our son for this journey, it is nice to have some down time.  (And, it IS down time!!! Not much to do, TV is in another language, so we are online....or reading...today we even played Family Feud online!!!!) We didn't get out of our jammies, except to walk over to the market near our apartment.  That trip went a little better, but we still didn't venture too far out of our comfort zone! (Though we did order some meat at the deli! It looks like ham....smells like ham....we'll keep you posted!)  We also found two little children's magazines in Russian that had mazes, activities etc. and looked like they might be fun for Ruslan on the flights home, so we picked them up.  (Pray for my husband as he'll me making that veeeery loooooong journey alone with Ruslan!!!!)

We miss Mason like crazy, even though it's only the second day we've been gone! We were able to call him quickly tonight to say hi, and both of us welled up with tears! We know he's fine, we have TOTAL peace of mind with regards to where he is staying, but it is still so hard to be this far away, for this long.  We made him a recordable book so he can hear our voices whenever he wants, and we are hoping to be able to Skype too, which will make things easier! He has been such a trooper through this whole journey, and I will cherish the last weeks with him as the only child when I get back.  And then I will cherish the time with our whole family complete too! It's amazing how the Lord can multiply love, not divide it, as families grow!

It is 7 hours later here than it is back home, but I am wide awake even though it's 12:30am here.  Bill, however, is snoring on the couch as I type this! I was exhausted last night, and couldn't keep my eyes open, but I slept for 13 hours and that seemed to help a lot.  Hoping I can fall asleep tonight, as we meet with our facilitator in the morning, and then head to our SDA appointment to get permission to visit the orphanage. 

Hah, so I titled this post "The Red Thread" and then I want on and on rambling, and never got to the point! I came across this quote online today:

"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."  - Ancient Chinese Proverb

Well, when we were painting Ruslan's room, we realized the irony that we were working with an agency called Redline United, and we were also painting a bright red line around the center of Ruslan's bedroom (purely by coincidence!).  Then I came across something called the Red Thread project, which is a group of photographers that will come to your airport homecoming and do a photography session for you free of charge.  So, with my idle time tonight, I was going to look them up and get back to the photographer that will be doing our session.  In looking for them, I found that quote and then realized where the project got it's name.  And I just love that...the red thread.  And I love that red stripe in his room even more now.  And I know this boy was our son before we even knew it.  That this is what the Lord had in mind all along.  And that we are humbly and obediently following Him to see what this red thread is woven in to.  And we anticipate that there may be some missed stitches along the way, but we know the end result will be the perfect plan He has been crafting.  (Perfect in it's imperfections of course!) And they'll be days that we'll need the strength, and hope, and help and prayers of each one of the amazing people that have helped us navigate this journey.  And we know that the red thread is entwined around each of you as well.  That it's no accident that the Lord brought each of you in to our lives in the exact way, time and design that He did.  And it's no accident that He did the same with Ruslan.  And we are amazed, and humbled, at the tapestry He is weaving. 

The Race Is On.................

We have less than 24 hours to raise the remaining $3,900 needed to complete our adoption fund.  We need all funds in to Redline by 5pm on Wednesday, May 16th.  We sit in awe, and so humbled, just watching this miracle unfold.  We leave in just 3 days to bring our boy home.  Please share our blog, tweet, e-mail, write a note, do whatever you can to help us spread the word one last time.  To reach a final, powerful circle of influence for Ruslan.  To play an amazing part in God's story for this little boy.  Thank you, sincerely, from the bottom of our hearts! <3

Unsung Heroes

So I have been sitting at this screen, typing and re-typing and I just don't know what to say.  The right words are nowhere to be found.  Every once in a while, those people come along.  Those unsung heroes who get none of the credit and glory, but make a mighty difference.  Today, I am thanking some unsung heroes who just put a VERY generous $5,000 donation in to our hands.  This leaves us with $4,900 to raise. In addition, there are several payments waiting for us at Redline.  We haven't received that update yet, but we anticipate it is around another $6-700.....leaving us with just over $4,000 to be raised.

I can't even begin to adequately describe the weight that has been lifted.  We are once again thankful for the Lord's unparalleled timing and provision.  We continue to be so humbled that He would allow us to be a part of this amazing plan for this special boy.  And we are so grateful for this family's sacrificial gift.

I am confident that He will see this work through to completion.  And what a relief it will be for us to come home with our son, not facing the burden of remaining fundraising and debt, but simply free to invest in his healing, growth and preventative care. To apply those funds to orthodontia, medical care, therapies, etc.  God is so good.

Thank you to each of you that have given; be it time, prayer, advice, company, an ear, a shoulder, a laugh, a cry, babysitting, a helping hand, the gift of your talents, money, resources, donations for auctions and fundraisers, constant cheerleading and encouragement, or just being a faithful friend.  Each of you is an unsung hero.  Each of you is part of an amazing legacy for Ruslan.  Each of you will forever be a part of the fiber of our family.  And we are so thankful.

If you feel led to help us close this gap, and return home with forward momentum, tax deductible donations can be made via the link on the right hand side of this blog.  We will never be able to say thank you adequately, but we fully intend to pay it forward in whatever big and small ways we are able.  And we fully intend to let the blessings be reciprocal, and circular, and perpetual....the way blessings should be.  And we will never forget, for all of our days, how much each one of you means to our family, and how you have been a living testament to the amazing things our God can do.  Humbled, grateful, and in awe of His glory.  And, today in particular, grateful for those unsung heroes in our lives. <3