Today is a very special day. Today is Ruslan's 10th birthday...Happy Birthday Ruslan!!!! And tomorrow he officially/legally becomes a member of the Kochies family!
This is my first time celebrating Ruslan's birthday....so I did what I usually do on Mason's birthday. I find time during the day to look back to the actual birth and the times immediately before and after it. For Mason's birthday, I remember the build-up of excitement as the day came and the feelings of joy and happiness that followed (and never left). I can clearly remember Karen's face as she held Mason for the first time and the feeling of immense love that seemed to weave it's grip around us. There will never will be a Mason's birthday where his daddy doesn't have happy tears because of these memories.
But I'll never have those memories with Ruslan. And that's okay. The thought that bothered me while I thought about what his birth was like was the fact that there wasn't any joy or happiness after he was born. I'd like to think that there was excitement building-up to the birth, and that his mother talked to him and rubbed her stomach while she was pregnant, and that he felt loved. But when he was actually born, there wasn't anyone that thought a miracle just happened. No one celebrated this little boy. We were told that Ruslan was given up for adoption most likely due to his cleft lip/palate. It hurts to think of the disappoint his mother may have felt when she looked into his face for the first time. I can't be sure that is accurate, I wasn't there. But he wasn't taken home from the hospital. He was left there for over a year until he was moved to an orphanage. How can you feel the joy and love that usually come with a birth and then leave your baby at the hospital? How can you leave him to be cared for by others....and never look back? We were told that he's never had a visitor at the orphanage. His mother willingly gave-up her parental rights. It's not my place (and I don't want) to judge her. I don't know what her circumstances were. I only know what I've been told. I say these things because they made me realize that no one celebrated his birth. No one showed that little boy love while they held him close and looked into his face. No one dreamed about what the rest of his life would bring. And I hurt for him.
But he can still do this:
If he can smile and give a thumbs-up then I can smile and give a thumbs-up too. And I love him. His mama and brother love him too. So today we celebrated. Maybe it took 10 years, but now there is a family that celebrates and is happy that he was born! We're so happy that we're going to celebrate his birthday for a second time when we're all home together in July.
So after I had my philosophical moment, I felt pretty good. I knew that from now on, this little boy's birthday will be a celebrated event. Before Karen left the Ukraine, she and I had some ideas for his birthday. We knew we'd bring him presents, but what about a cake? How about a party? What would he like? We ultimately decided that we'd give him presents and a cake, but we wouldn't have a party. The kids he's with now aren't from his old orphanage and he only seems to really enjoy the company of a select handful of the them. When there is a bunch of them around, he doesn't handle it as well. We didn't want his birthday to be chaos.
So before I left the house I checked and rechecked my list of things to bring (kinda like Santa with his list...see yesterday's blog). I didn't want to forget anything. I left the house with three bags and made the walk to the store. At the store I had to find a way to cram all this stuff into two canvas bags that lock (they use these so that people don't put stuff they didn't pay for into their own bags). It was difficult, but with the security man's help we managed. I then picked out a cake and bought some candles. I had what I needed. I made the short walk over to the orphanage, but now I had four bags. I definitely looked out of place. I was a cross between a hiker (backpack) and a Black Friday shopper.
Once Ruslan saw me he knew I had presents for him and he was really excited to get outside. We said our hellos and I gave him an awkward hug (the bags) and told him Happy Birthday! We went outside to a secluded part of the grounds and set-up shop. We watched a video from Mama and Mason wishing him a Happy Birthday (you can see his reaction below) and then had cake. I feel bad because I could only get 1 candle to light...the wind was so strong. I tried everything. I tried to block the wind, go around the corner, go in a little hut...everything I could think of. Finally, one of my blocking contraptions worked well enough to get that one candle lit. But Ruslan didn't mind. He blew out the one candle and then we had cake. Actually, we had two pieces of cake each. He wanted me to save the rest, but unfortunately between the 2 hour visit (which included a fall from the table) and the trip back to the apartment, the cake did not survive. After cake he opened his presents. We gave him two lego building sets which he loved. We spent the last bit of time we had playing legos. Near the end of the visit we had an unexpected guest. Our driver came to wish Ruslan a Happy Birthday. Ruslan really likes him and I personally think it was awesome that he came. He's really good to Ruslan (and the other children too). Ruslan smiles a lot as it is, but today the smile never left his face (actually, it did...only when he was putting cake into his mouth). It seemed to get bigger and bigger. He really had a great time....and so did I! I'm glad I was able to celebrate with him and I'm looking forward to the many birthday celebrations to come.
Happy Birthday Ruslan!
This is my first time celebrating Ruslan's birthday....so I did what I usually do on Mason's birthday. I find time during the day to look back to the actual birth and the times immediately before and after it. For Mason's birthday, I remember the build-up of excitement as the day came and the feelings of joy and happiness that followed (and never left). I can clearly remember Karen's face as she held Mason for the first time and the feeling of immense love that seemed to weave it's grip around us. There will never will be a Mason's birthday where his daddy doesn't have happy tears because of these memories.
But I'll never have those memories with Ruslan. And that's okay. The thought that bothered me while I thought about what his birth was like was the fact that there wasn't any joy or happiness after he was born. I'd like to think that there was excitement building-up to the birth, and that his mother talked to him and rubbed her stomach while she was pregnant, and that he felt loved. But when he was actually born, there wasn't anyone that thought a miracle just happened. No one celebrated this little boy. We were told that Ruslan was given up for adoption most likely due to his cleft lip/palate. It hurts to think of the disappoint his mother may have felt when she looked into his face for the first time. I can't be sure that is accurate, I wasn't there. But he wasn't taken home from the hospital. He was left there for over a year until he was moved to an orphanage. How can you feel the joy and love that usually come with a birth and then leave your baby at the hospital? How can you leave him to be cared for by others....and never look back? We were told that he's never had a visitor at the orphanage. His mother willingly gave-up her parental rights. It's not my place (and I don't want) to judge her. I don't know what her circumstances were. I only know what I've been told. I say these things because they made me realize that no one celebrated his birth. No one showed that little boy love while they held him close and looked into his face. No one dreamed about what the rest of his life would bring. And I hurt for him.
But he can still do this:
So after I had my philosophical moment, I felt pretty good. I knew that from now on, this little boy's birthday will be a celebrated event. Before Karen left the Ukraine, she and I had some ideas for his birthday. We knew we'd bring him presents, but what about a cake? How about a party? What would he like? We ultimately decided that we'd give him presents and a cake, but we wouldn't have a party. The kids he's with now aren't from his old orphanage and he only seems to really enjoy the company of a select handful of the them. When there is a bunch of them around, he doesn't handle it as well. We didn't want his birthday to be chaos.
So before I left the house I checked and rechecked my list of things to bring (kinda like Santa with his list...see yesterday's blog). I didn't want to forget anything. I left the house with three bags and made the walk to the store. At the store I had to find a way to cram all this stuff into two canvas bags that lock (they use these so that people don't put stuff they didn't pay for into their own bags). It was difficult, but with the security man's help we managed. I then picked out a cake and bought some candles. I had what I needed. I made the short walk over to the orphanage, but now I had four bags. I definitely looked out of place. I was a cross between a hiker (backpack) and a Black Friday shopper.
Once Ruslan saw me he knew I had presents for him and he was really excited to get outside. We said our hellos and I gave him an awkward hug (the bags) and told him Happy Birthday! We went outside to a secluded part of the grounds and set-up shop. We watched a video from Mama and Mason wishing him a Happy Birthday (you can see his reaction below) and then had cake. I feel bad because I could only get 1 candle to light...the wind was so strong. I tried everything. I tried to block the wind, go around the corner, go in a little hut...everything I could think of. Finally, one of my blocking contraptions worked well enough to get that one candle lit. But Ruslan didn't mind. He blew out the one candle and then we had cake. Actually, we had two pieces of cake each. He wanted me to save the rest, but unfortunately between the 2 hour visit (which included a fall from the table) and the trip back to the apartment, the cake did not survive. After cake he opened his presents. We gave him two lego building sets which he loved. We spent the last bit of time we had playing legos. Near the end of the visit we had an unexpected guest. Our driver came to wish Ruslan a Happy Birthday. Ruslan really likes him and I personally think it was awesome that he came. He's really good to Ruslan (and the other children too). Ruslan smiles a lot as it is, but today the smile never left his face (actually, it did...only when he was putting cake into his mouth). It seemed to get bigger and bigger. He really had a great time....and so did I! I'm glad I was able to celebrate with him and I'm looking forward to the many birthday celebrations to come.
Happy Birthday Ruslan!
Here are some pictures from today:
No comments:
Post a Comment