The 25th of June

Today is a very special day.  Today is Ruslan's 10th birthday...Happy Birthday Ruslan!!!!  And tomorrow he officially/legally becomes a member of the Kochies family!

This is my first time celebrating Ruslan's birthday....so I did what I usually do on Mason's birthday.  I find time during the day to look back to the actual birth and the times immediately before and after it.  For Mason's birthday, I remember the build-up of excitement as the day came and the feelings of joy and happiness that followed (and never left).  I can clearly remember Karen's face as she held Mason for the first time and the feeling of immense love that seemed to weave it's grip around us.  There will never will be a Mason's birthday where his daddy doesn't have happy tears because of these memories.

But I'll never have those memories with Ruslan.  And that's okay.  The thought that bothered me while I thought about what his birth was like was the fact that there wasn't any joy or happiness after he was born.  I'd like to think that there was excitement building-up to the birth, and that his mother talked to him and rubbed her stomach while she was pregnant, and that he felt loved.  But when he was actually born, there wasn't anyone that thought a miracle just happened.  No one celebrated this little boy.  We were told that Ruslan was given up for adoption most likely due to his cleft lip/palate.  It hurts to think of the disappoint his mother may have felt when she looked into his face for the first time.  I can't be sure that is accurate, I wasn't there.  But he wasn't taken home from the hospital.  He was left there for over a year until he was moved to an orphanage.  How can you feel the joy and love that usually come with a birth and then leave your baby at the hospital?  How can you leave him to be cared for by others....and never look back?  We were told that he's never had a visitor at the orphanage.  His mother willingly gave-up her parental rights.  It's not my place (and I don't want) to judge her.  I don't know what her circumstances were.  I only know what I've been told.  I say these things because they made me realize that no one celebrated his birth.  No one showed that little boy love while they held him close and looked into his face.  No one dreamed about what the rest of his life would bring.  And I hurt for him. 

But he can still do this:

If he can smile and give a thumbs-up then I can smile and give a thumbs-up too.  And I love him.  His mama and brother love him too.  So today we celebrated.  Maybe it took 10 years, but now there is a family that celebrates and is happy that he was born!  We're so happy that we're going to celebrate his birthday for a second time when we're all home together in July.

So after I had my philosophical moment, I felt pretty good.  I knew that from now on, this little boy's birthday will be a celebrated event.  Before Karen left the Ukraine, she and I had some ideas for his birthday.  We knew we'd bring him presents, but what about a cake?  How about a party?  What would he like?  We ultimately decided that we'd give him presents and a cake, but we wouldn't have a party.  The kids he's with now aren't from his old orphanage and he only seems to really enjoy the company of a select handful of the them.  When there is a bunch of them around, he doesn't handle it as well.  We didn't want his birthday to be chaos.

So before I left the house I checked and rechecked my list of things to bring (kinda like Santa with his list...see yesterday's blog).  I didn't want to forget anything.  I left the house with three bags and made the walk to the store.  At the store I had to find a way to cram all this stuff into two canvas bags that lock (they use these so that people don't put stuff they didn't pay for into their own bags).  It was difficult, but with the security man's help we managed.  I then picked out a cake and bought some candles.  I had what I needed.  I made the short walk over to the orphanage, but now I had four bags.  I definitely looked out of place.  I was a cross between a hiker (backpack) and a Black Friday shopper.

Once Ruslan saw me he knew I had presents for him and he was really excited to get outside.  We said our hellos and I gave him an awkward hug (the bags) and told him Happy Birthday!  We went outside to a secluded part of the grounds and set-up shop.  We watched a video from Mama and Mason wishing him a Happy Birthday (you can see his reaction below) and then had cake.  I feel bad because I could only get 1 candle to light...the wind was so strong.  I tried everything.  I tried to block the wind, go around the corner, go in a little hut...everything I could think of.  Finally, one of my blocking contraptions worked well enough to get that one candle lit.  But Ruslan didn't mind.  He blew out the one candle and then we had cake.  Actually, we had two pieces of cake each.  He wanted me to save the rest, but unfortunately between the 2 hour visit (which included a fall from the table) and the trip back to the apartment, the cake did not survive.  After cake he opened his presents.  We gave him two lego building sets which he loved.  We spent the last bit of time we had playing legos.  Near the end of the visit we had an unexpected guest.  Our driver came to wish Ruslan a Happy Birthday.  Ruslan really likes him and I personally think it was awesome that he came.  He's really good to Ruslan (and the other children too).  Ruslan smiles a lot as it is, but today the smile never left his face (actually, it did...only when he was putting cake into his mouth).  It seemed to get bigger and bigger.  He really had a great time....and so did I!  I'm glad I was able to celebrate with him and I'm looking forward to the many birthday celebrations to come.

Happy Birthday Ruslan!

Here are some pictures from today:

Merry Christmas (In June?!?)

So, the last two days have been pretty much par for the course.  Nothing different to report on the mornings, the walks to and from the orphanage, or the after-visit suppers.  But, Ruslan and I started a new topic of conversation yesterday at the orphanage which we repeated and continued today.  The topic, which I'm pretty sure has become one of Ruslan's favorites, is.........(please read the following word with a whispered voice)..........Santa.

It all started yesterday while we were sitting at our table doing some crafts.  Ruslan really likes to hum or sing while he does crafts/writes/colors/plays/walks/you get the point.  His song-of-choice had been a song he created where he sings (or occassionally hums) "Daniel Ruslan Kochies" to different rhythms and notes.  Yesterday, without warning, the song was different.  He was humming something I'd heard before.  Something from my past.  Something that I couldn't quite put a name to.  Then it hit me.  It was Jingle Bells.  I probably should have realized it earlier, but the place I was in...and the company I was with...and the time of year...just didn't add up.  I went out on a limb and started singing the words while he hummed the melody.  This immediatly caused him to stop what he was doing, look up at me, and smile.  Then he started bobbing his head to the beat while we performed our song.  He even took over lead vocals anytime the words "Jingle Bells" came up.  Somehow this international Christmas song spurred a conversation about Santa.  Ruslan told me that he knows of Santa from watching TV and that Santa does not visit the orphanage.  Then I told him that Santa visits our house in America.  Holy cow.....what a reaction!  He was PUMPED (yes, all capital letters!).  I drew a picture of a Christmas tree and a fireplace and drew a line where Santa would walk back and forth.  Ruslan laughed and had fun describing how he'd wait up to see Santa.  Then he asked me if I've ever seen him.  I told him I hadn't and that he wouldn't either because Santa only comes when you're sleeping.  He then pretended to be sleeping, then he pretended to wake up and walk down the stairs into the living room.  Then he pointed to the drawing of the tree (with presents underneath) and made his "binocular eyes" with his hands.  (He uses these to let me know that he sees something he likes).  He then told me that he wants a present from Santa.  When I said Santa will bring him a present, he asked for 11....and then he asked for 100 presents.  I told him he couldn't have that many because Santa's bag isn't that big....they won't fit.  We covered other topics related to Santa like the cookies, and the chimney, and even covered the broader topic of Christmas itself.  He really likes the idea of getting presents, but I was really surprised because he likes the idea of giving presents just as much.  When he asked me if all the presents would be his, I told him no...they'll have tags with people's names on them.  I drew a picture of a tag with "to" and "from" on it and he wrote out pretend tags for Mama, Papa, Mason (btw he only writes Mason's name in Russian) and even one for babushka and dedushka (grandma and grandpa).  I was impressed.  We pretty much repeated this conversation again today (with no less enthusiasm), but this time he took the role of drawing the Christmas tree.  That is one boy that is already excited about Christmas.  I wonder when he'll want to start counting down the days until then.  That reminds me, how many shopping days are left until Christmas?

If you've read our previous blog posts, you'll probably remember the lady that climbs over the orphanage fence.  I'm pleased to report that today she wasn't alone.  Your first thought might be: did she take a kid with her?  Nope.  Another (grown) woman decided to hop the fence with her (and when I say "hop" I mean slowly, yet skillfully, climb....there is absolutely no "hop" about it).  Ruslan and I got a kick out of this.  Anytime I looked away out of fear of being caught gawking, Ruslan would say "Papa" and point at them.  I was relieved when they were both over the fence and safely on the ground on the other side because I really didn't want them to see us watching them...especially with one of us pointing.

Tomorrow is Ruslan's birthday and I just finished wrapping his presents.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find wrapping paper at the store so I had to buy a couple of notebooks and some tape.  I wrapped each present twice because the pictures showed through the white paper...hopefully they won't be too hard to open.  I'm also going to bring a special treat for him to eat and Karen and Mason were able to record a happy birthday message for him.  I hope that our little party will be special to him.  Tomorrow is also the last day of our 10-day waiting period.  Then we can get the final ball rolling and put the finishing touches on this process and get him home to have a proper birthday cake with his whole family.  His brother's birthday is on the 28th so we may have to have 2 cakes!  And then we can start counting down the days until Christmas.

Internet was down.....but we're back!

Sorry folks....the internet was down and I haven't been able to post in a bunch of days.  And.....not much has changed.  I'm still doing the wake-up, eat, watch TV, visit the orphanage, eat at the store, walk home, watch more TV, and go to sleep routine.  Now that the internet is working again, I'll probably throw some internet into the mix as well....just not sure where to fit it in?!?  There has been some improvement on the TV though, I found another movie station that plays some English language movies with (you guessed it) Arabic subtitles...and there is a German station that plays about 30% of the EuroCup games.  I've even caught myself doing some English commentary alongside the German.  I think mine is better, but I don't understand the German so it's hard to tell.

My time with Ruslan each day has been awesome.  He greets me with a hug and kiss....and a HUGE smile!  And then it's time to go to "our" table.  We've been getting better at communicating with each other, especially when we talk about the trip home and what we'll do when we get there.  He's really, really, really excited to have pizza and ice cream and to go swimming.  He's already indicated that he doesn't want to wear any floatation devices, but I disagreed with him (we'll see how that goes...he can't swim on his own yet).  We've been practicing writing his name in preparation for school and also writing out the names of the members of our family.  Without fail, whenever he writes "papa" in English he giggles and points to me and says "rara" (the "p" in Russian is pronounced like "r").  Just a little game we play.  The other big topic of our conversation is his birthday....which he is REALLY excited about (btw..it's on Monday... and he'll be 10).  Monday also happens to be the last day of the waiting period.  The timing is pretty awesome....Happy Birthday! Welcome to our family!  Actually, Tuesday will be the official day, but close enough!  Don't tell him, but Karen and I got him a couple of lego toys for his birthday.  He seems to really like to put them together, and take them apart, and put them back together.  From what I've seen, Ruslan has also been doing really good with the other kids in his group.  Depending on who his caregiver is for the day, sometimes other kids are allowed to visit and play with us.  When that happens, Ruslan has been able to share his stuff, talk and laugh with them, run and play, and be really nice to the kids.  On these days, which are the exception rather than the norm, we usually spend about an hour by ourselves before the other kids come over.  Then they hang out with us for about 30 minutes and then he usually has so much fun that he wants to run off and play with them rather than stay at our table.  So, he usually asks me to leave right around 5:30...which I'm happy to do.  He really has a good time with them and I don't want to hold him back from running and playing...he's a 10 year-old boy.  I usually hang back for a couple of minutes and watch him play....it's good to see him be a kid with other kids.  Most of the time I see him at the orphanage he's sitting at a table or playing with me....which just isn't the same.  Before he lets me go, he always checks to make sure that I'll be back the next day at 4:00 p.m.  With that assurance, he's able to let his mind focus on being a kid.

друг (droog) - Russian for friend

Yesterday was Father's Day.  And it started out like most days here.  I woke up, had breakfast, and watched some old shows on the TV....yesterday it was old episodes of Bones (usually it's The Shield...so that was a relief)....and yes, Bones was subtitled in Arabic right in the middle of the screen.  After a couple of weeks you don't even notice them that much.  I walked to the orphanage and was sweating when I got there.  It was really hot.  Ruslan was happy to see me.  He got dressed, had his snack, and we were off to our table in the backyard.  While he was eating his banana and drinking his juice, I was proud to show him that I remembered the glue stick (which I had forgotten the day before).  This promoted the idea of doing some crafts.  He dug through the plastic shopping bag (that I use to tote all of our supplies in) looking for some crayons.  Then he remembered that he kept them over night and went upstairs to grab them.  When he came back, he dumped the box on the table and only 3 crayons came out.  A red, a blue, and two pieces of yellow.  He then motioned to me that the other kids had broken the other crayons and got really upset.  After I assured him that it was okay, and that we can get more crayons, he started to color with what we had.  It took a little over 45 minutes for him to start to cheer up again.  Just as we were starting to talk and joke with each other, a really nice Ukranian bird decided to drop the old #2 on my shirt.  It wasn't a big one, but enough to get his point across.  I chuckled a bit, but Ruslan was all business.  He dug into the plastic bag and grabbed the baby wipes we use to clean the table/hands/faces, etc. and handed me one to clean my shirt.  Someone once told me that when a bird poops on you it's supposed to be good luck.  I never thought so, but I'm starting to believe it.  The rest of the visit was very good.  He cheered up and was able to joke and play like nothing happened.  When I left, he was in a really good mood and so was I.

I walked to the store and ate my standard meal (stuffed cabbage and either rice/mashed potatoes) but had to fight a little with the lady who served me.  She really wanted to put sour cream on my cabbage, but I didn't want her to.  She kept insisting, but in the end, I won and was able to eat my cabbage w/out the room temperature sour cream.  I picked-up some crayons, a box of molding clay, and a backpack for Ruslan.  Karen and I wanted him to have something to put his activities in for the plane ride and I didn't want to carry the plastic bag back and forth anymore.  When I got home I was able to skype with Mason and Karen for Father's Day as well as my father, mother, and grandma.  It was my mom's birthday so Happy Birthday Mom!

This morning was pretty much a repeat of yesterday (they actually showed the same episodes of Bones...which I watched again).  The big difference was that I packed all of our supplies in the backpack instead of the plastic bag =].  I'll admit, it was a lot easier to carry on the walk.  Ruslan was so excited to see the bag.  With a big smile on his face, he asked if it was mine.  I told him it was his and then he giggled as his smile got bigger.  He put his shoes on quickly because he wanted to get outside to investigate it.  Once outside, he dug through every compartment and laughed when he found the wipes in their own little pouch.  He ate his banana and drank his juice.  When the other kids came outside, he called over to a little girl who he really hasn't gotten along with.  While she was on her way, he looked up at me and asked it it was okay.  I said sure.  When she got there, he showed her his bag and let her color with his new crayons.  He was playing with his stickers, and even though I don't know any Russian, I'm positive he told her that they were a gift from his mama.  When the teacher saw the girl at our table, she called her back to the group.  With some protest from her and Ruslan, she got up and left.  We played for a little while and then he took out the camera.  He called back to the girl and to her friend and they both came over.  They played really well together and even let me take a couple of pictures of the three of them.  When the teacher called the girls back, Ruslan asked if I could leave and come back tomorrow at 4:00 p.m.  I said sure and packed up our stuff.  We said our goodbyes and as I was walking out I could see Ruslan playing with the two girls again, all three of them were really happy.  Although our visit was shorter than normal, it was really good to see him making an effort to be friendly with the other children from the orphanage.  From what we'd seen up until now, and what the orphanage workers have described, Ruslan has been an orphan within the orphanage.  Today, however, he has friends.  And a family.  So long for the "orphan" title.....it no longer applies.

Message For Mama

I tried to stay awake last night until Karen made it home but I failed.  I fell asleep on the couch.  At some point I must have moved to the bed because that's where my day started.  I had some breakfast while my computer started up and then I logged onto facebook to get an update on Karen's travels.  What a relief it was to see that she made it home....finally!  It was about 5 a.m. EST (too early to skype Karen and Mason) so I killed time by reading and watching old episodes of The Shield (one of the only English speaking shows I could find...however it did have arabic subtitles across the middle of the screen).  Still, better than the close second-place choice of old tennis matches that I've already seen 3-4 times on ESPN Classic Europe.

And then...finally.  I received a message from Karen and Mason.  It was so good....no it was GREAT... to skype with them.  Even though their video wasn't working it really sunk in that she made it home and they're together.  Mason sounded so happy to be with his mama again.  Boy do I miss them.

At 8:45 a.m. EST I started my uneventful walk to the orphanage.  Today I wasn't so lucky with the guard at the gate.  My fear came true when he popped out of the door to his building and asked me something in Russian.  I did the only thing I had rehearsed.  I said Ruslan's name.  Then he said something else (or maybe the same thing) so I repeated Ruslan's name again.  This seemed to work.  He nodded his head and I was in.  This time when I walked into the room upstairs Ruslan and the other children were just waking up from their nap and sitting down for snack.  I waited and watched as he ate a piece of bread (which actually looked really good) and drank something from his cup.  He cleaned up his space and brought his dishes to the sink.  Warning: Proud Papa moment...From around the corner I heard him say Spaseba (thank-you) to the woman who put out the snack.  What a good job!  I'd like to say that I taught him that, but I think that was all on his own.  He went to his cubby and got dressed and we went outside.

It was a beautiful day today.  The wind was blowing and the sun was out, but not overpowering.  We sat at our table, he had his daily banana and juice, and then we got down to business.  He pulled out the scissors and started cutting paper to glue onto other sheets of paper.  That's when we discovered that I left the glue stick back at the apartment.  He took this in stride and decided that he'd rather play with the camera anyway.  He found two functions on the camera that he really likes, the video camera feature and the voice recorder.  He really likes to sing while he's working with crafts or drawing or writing so I took a video of him singing a song.  Then he made a special video for his mama.  I knew he wanted to do it because he handed me the camera.  9 out of 10 times once he gets his hands on it, he doesn't like to let it go.  Karen, if you're reading this, this is for you:

We really got along great today.  He didn't try to kick me out at 5 p.m. and was really happy the whole time.  He still gets a little defensive when some of the kids want to play with my watch, but once he says his peace (it's in Russian so I'm not sure what exactly his peace is) he's fine with them being around.  We walked around the orphanage building while he took pictures and joked with each other about what the other one would eat.  Supposedly he won't eat snails but he says that I will.  We talked about swimming in America.  He's really excited about doing that and eating ice cream and pizza....yes we talked about ice cream and pizza again.  They are a real love of his.  We said our goodbyes and he double-checked that I'd be there between 4 and 6 p.m. tomorrow.  Once that was confirmed he was more than happy to go back with his group.  On the way out I saw the gaurd and told him I'd be back tomorrow (a little preemptive strike).  He smiled and nodded so we'll see what happens.

I walked to the store and had my usual, a soup, a plate of stuffed cabbage, and another plate of curry rice.  For some reason they will not put the two of these on the same plate.  If I get rice and chicken, they put them together....but not the rice and cabbage.  Anyway, it's fine with me.  I just feel funny carrying a tray with two plates and a bowl.  The lady that helped me asked where my wife was and then pretended she was sleeping....we do a lot of charades.  At first I thought that we eat there way too often because the people that work there know us by sight...but then I had a pretty nice thought, I realized that there are now three people here that miss Karen already.

Court Is Behind Us

Hello everyone, it's Bill.  If you've been reading our blog then you know that my wife is extremely gifted when it comes to writing....so I've been a little intimidated knowing that I would assume the blogging privelage when she left the Ukraine.  She is now on her way to the US, and I'm here in the Ukraine, so it's time to face my fears, roll up my sleaves, and get to working.  Big deep breath....here we go.

Today is the day after our court hearing, and the first full day that Ruslan is officially, unofficially part of our family (can't wait for the 10 day waiting period to be over - then it's official!).  Karen left yesterday for the US so it's been a lonely night and morning.  I've been able to pass the time by checking her flight status constantly.  It was fun crossing departures and arrivals off on my sheet as they happened, but the fun went away when I saw that her second flight from Germany to Washington DC was over 3 hours delayed...which meant that she would miss her final flight to RDU.  I knew I couldn't do anything from here, but I worried and worried and worried.  At 3:45 p.m. Ukraine time I pried myself from the computer and walked the 30 minutes to the orphanage.

I was nervous to go without our driver to escort me into the building, but it worked out perfect.  I was able to get in quickly without any problems (usually there is a man at the guard building).   When I got upstairs to where Ruslan's group stays, the door was open and I could see Ruslan sitting at a table putting together a lego fire truck that we had brought for him.  He heard me at the door, turned around, and said, "Papa, where is mama" and before I could answer he said (with a huge smile on his face), "in America!"  Then he started to laugh because he knew the answer before I did.  At this point his teacher told me that he needed to eat snack before he could leave.  He sat down, took two bites of something from a bowl, made a yuck face at me, and then gathered his truck and we went outside.  We sat down at a table and had our daily banana and Sandora (which is the brand name of a juice that he LOVES).  Also, I gave him a couple of departing gifts from his, now legally recognized, Mama.  One was a package of stickers and the other was a chocolate egg with a prize inside.  Before he opened either of them he said "thank you Mama" toward the sky with a big smile on his face and a little bow that he does when he askes permission or says thank you.  He gobbled up the chocolate, got some on his lips, closed his eyes and said "num, num."  He then tanked some more Sandora and asked me to help him put together his fire truck.  While I got to work on that, he started to look through the photo album we brought to be used in court.  There is a picture of our house and he likes to point to each window and tell me which rooms they are.  He giggles when he gets to the bathroom and smiles when he gets to his room.  Then he bursts into singing "Oh Happy Day" at an increased volume.  I was surprised because he usually doesn't want anyone to hear him, but today it seems that he's thrown caution to the wind...his voice is loud and proud.

After his group finished snack they came outside to where we were sitting.  His teacher asked us to move to another area of the playground...so we did.  They either like to give us space for our comfort or keep us from the other children to keep the chaos down for their comfort...or a little of both...I haven't been able to decide.  But alone at our new table, we are able to chit chat in the "he speaks Russian and I speak English" way that we've grown comfortable with.  He jokes with me and asks why I didn't go back to America and Mama stay with him...at least I think he's joking because he starts to giggle after he says it.  Then, after getting a frown face from me, he rolls with it and says that I can leave at 5:00 p.m. today (usually we stay until 6:00 p.m.) which gets another frown face.  He giggles and then holds up 10 fingers saying that he wants me to stay until 10.  He leans in for a hug and he get one.  He's a great kid and has an awesome sense of humor.  For all that he's been through, it's really good to see that he can still have a place inside him filled with fun, love, and happiness.

We spent the rest of the time playing frisbee (I think we each took 3 throws), playing with the legos, and alternating between the songs of "Oh Happy Day" and a new one that he started singing today titled "Daniel Ruslan Kochies."  (Oh, by the way, don't try to transliterate Daniel Ruslan Kochies into Russian....he wants no part of that.  He clearly stated that we'll be writing it in English from now on).  This new song is sung by repeatedly singing Daniel Ruslan Kochies in different notes to different beats.  Throughout the visit today I can't help but notice how happy he is.  And he also seems relieved.  I truely believe that he understands what happened at court yesterday.  He now has a family.  Just like he wished for during a project at the orphanage.  Just like he hoped and dreamed.  He has a mama, a papa, a brother, two dogs, a stray cat, a frog, and a tank full of fish.  That's a lot to love....and he has the heart to do it.  Before I left he asked me to lift him high in the air (which he asks for everyday).  And then he asked for another, and another.  On the last one, he wrapped his legs around me so I couldn't put him down.  Then he gave me at least 15 kisses on my cheeck and head.  I gave him some in return.  Then we said our dasvidaniyas and he went with his group and I left the orphanage.

I was nervous about today.  It was my first solo flight here in the Ukraine and I didn't have Karen with me.  But all-in-all I think it went really well.  When I sat down to eat at the restaurant in the "Walmart" a music video came on the televisions mounted on the wall.  It was Karen's favorite song in the Ukraine...."TaCaTa".  And I thought of her.  And I knew that everything was going to be alright.

Details To Come......

I've got a plane to catch, so no time to blog! Details to come of our (several) delayed court hearings today, and the final one that made Ruslan our boy!