Message For Mama

I tried to stay awake last night until Karen made it home but I failed.  I fell asleep on the couch.  At some point I must have moved to the bed because that's where my day started.  I had some breakfast while my computer started up and then I logged onto facebook to get an update on Karen's travels.  What a relief it was to see that she made it home....finally!  It was about 5 a.m. EST (too early to skype Karen and Mason) so I killed time by reading and watching old episodes of The Shield (one of the only English speaking shows I could find...however it did have arabic subtitles across the middle of the screen).  Still, better than the close second-place choice of old tennis matches that I've already seen 3-4 times on ESPN Classic Europe.

And then...finally.  I received a message from Karen and Mason.  It was so good....no it was GREAT... to skype with them.  Even though their video wasn't working it really sunk in that she made it home and they're together.  Mason sounded so happy to be with his mama again.  Boy do I miss them.

At 8:45 a.m. EST I started my uneventful walk to the orphanage.  Today I wasn't so lucky with the guard at the gate.  My fear came true when he popped out of the door to his building and asked me something in Russian.  I did the only thing I had rehearsed.  I said Ruslan's name.  Then he said something else (or maybe the same thing) so I repeated Ruslan's name again.  This seemed to work.  He nodded his head and I was in.  This time when I walked into the room upstairs Ruslan and the other children were just waking up from their nap and sitting down for snack.  I waited and watched as he ate a piece of bread (which actually looked really good) and drank something from his cup.  He cleaned up his space and brought his dishes to the sink.  Warning: Proud Papa moment...From around the corner I heard him say Spaseba (thank-you) to the woman who put out the snack.  What a good job!  I'd like to say that I taught him that, but I think that was all on his own.  He went to his cubby and got dressed and we went outside.

It was a beautiful day today.  The wind was blowing and the sun was out, but not overpowering.  We sat at our table, he had his daily banana and juice, and then we got down to business.  He pulled out the scissors and started cutting paper to glue onto other sheets of paper.  That's when we discovered that I left the glue stick back at the apartment.  He took this in stride and decided that he'd rather play with the camera anyway.  He found two functions on the camera that he really likes, the video camera feature and the voice recorder.  He really likes to sing while he's working with crafts or drawing or writing so I took a video of him singing a song.  Then he made a special video for his mama.  I knew he wanted to do it because he handed me the camera.  9 out of 10 times once he gets his hands on it, he doesn't like to let it go.  Karen, if you're reading this, this is for you:

We really got along great today.  He didn't try to kick me out at 5 p.m. and was really happy the whole time.  He still gets a little defensive when some of the kids want to play with my watch, but once he says his peace (it's in Russian so I'm not sure what exactly his peace is) he's fine with them being around.  We walked around the orphanage building while he took pictures and joked with each other about what the other one would eat.  Supposedly he won't eat snails but he says that I will.  We talked about swimming in America.  He's really excited about doing that and eating ice cream and pizza....yes we talked about ice cream and pizza again.  They are a real love of his.  We said our goodbyes and he double-checked that I'd be there between 4 and 6 p.m. tomorrow.  Once that was confirmed he was more than happy to go back with his group.  On the way out I saw the gaurd and told him I'd be back tomorrow (a little preemptive strike).  He smiled and nodded so we'll see what happens.

I walked to the store and had my usual, a soup, a plate of stuffed cabbage, and another plate of curry rice.  For some reason they will not put the two of these on the same plate.  If I get rice and chicken, they put them together....but not the rice and cabbage.  Anyway, it's fine with me.  I just feel funny carrying a tray with two plates and a bowl.  The lady that helped me asked where my wife was and then pretended she was sleeping....we do a lot of charades.  At first I thought that we eat there way too often because the people that work there know us by sight...but then I had a pretty nice thought, I realized that there are now three people here that miss Karen already.

Court Is Behind Us

Hello everyone, it's Bill.  If you've been reading our blog then you know that my wife is extremely gifted when it comes to writing....so I've been a little intimidated knowing that I would assume the blogging privelage when she left the Ukraine.  She is now on her way to the US, and I'm here in the Ukraine, so it's time to face my fears, roll up my sleaves, and get to working.  Big deep breath....here we go.

Today is the day after our court hearing, and the first full day that Ruslan is officially, unofficially part of our family (can't wait for the 10 day waiting period to be over - then it's official!).  Karen left yesterday for the US so it's been a lonely night and morning.  I've been able to pass the time by checking her flight status constantly.  It was fun crossing departures and arrivals off on my sheet as they happened, but the fun went away when I saw that her second flight from Germany to Washington DC was over 3 hours delayed...which meant that she would miss her final flight to RDU.  I knew I couldn't do anything from here, but I worried and worried and worried.  At 3:45 p.m. Ukraine time I pried myself from the computer and walked the 30 minutes to the orphanage.

I was nervous to go without our driver to escort me into the building, but it worked out perfect.  I was able to get in quickly without any problems (usually there is a man at the guard building).   When I got upstairs to where Ruslan's group stays, the door was open and I could see Ruslan sitting at a table putting together a lego fire truck that we had brought for him.  He heard me at the door, turned around, and said, "Papa, where is mama" and before I could answer he said (with a huge smile on his face), "in America!"  Then he started to laugh because he knew the answer before I did.  At this point his teacher told me that he needed to eat snack before he could leave.  He sat down, took two bites of something from a bowl, made a yuck face at me, and then gathered his truck and we went outside.  We sat down at a table and had our daily banana and Sandora (which is the brand name of a juice that he LOVES).  Also, I gave him a couple of departing gifts from his, now legally recognized, Mama.  One was a package of stickers and the other was a chocolate egg with a prize inside.  Before he opened either of them he said "thank you Mama" toward the sky with a big smile on his face and a little bow that he does when he askes permission or says thank you.  He gobbled up the chocolate, got some on his lips, closed his eyes and said "num, num."  He then tanked some more Sandora and asked me to help him put together his fire truck.  While I got to work on that, he started to look through the photo album we brought to be used in court.  There is a picture of our house and he likes to point to each window and tell me which rooms they are.  He giggles when he gets to the bathroom and smiles when he gets to his room.  Then he bursts into singing "Oh Happy Day" at an increased volume.  I was surprised because he usually doesn't want anyone to hear him, but today it seems that he's thrown caution to the wind...his voice is loud and proud.

After his group finished snack they came outside to where we were sitting.  His teacher asked us to move to another area of the playground...so we did.  They either like to give us space for our comfort or keep us from the other children to keep the chaos down for their comfort...or a little of both...I haven't been able to decide.  But alone at our new table, we are able to chit chat in the "he speaks Russian and I speak English" way that we've grown comfortable with.  He jokes with me and asks why I didn't go back to America and Mama stay with him...at least I think he's joking because he starts to giggle after he says it.  Then, after getting a frown face from me, he rolls with it and says that I can leave at 5:00 p.m. today (usually we stay until 6:00 p.m.) which gets another frown face.  He giggles and then holds up 10 fingers saying that he wants me to stay until 10.  He leans in for a hug and he get one.  He's a great kid and has an awesome sense of humor.  For all that he's been through, it's really good to see that he can still have a place inside him filled with fun, love, and happiness.

We spent the rest of the time playing frisbee (I think we each took 3 throws), playing with the legos, and alternating between the songs of "Oh Happy Day" and a new one that he started singing today titled "Daniel Ruslan Kochies."  (Oh, by the way, don't try to transliterate Daniel Ruslan Kochies into Russian....he wants no part of that.  He clearly stated that we'll be writing it in English from now on).  This new song is sung by repeatedly singing Daniel Ruslan Kochies in different notes to different beats.  Throughout the visit today I can't help but notice how happy he is.  And he also seems relieved.  I truely believe that he understands what happened at court yesterday.  He now has a family.  Just like he wished for during a project at the orphanage.  Just like he hoped and dreamed.  He has a mama, a papa, a brother, two dogs, a stray cat, a frog, and a tank full of fish.  That's a lot to love....and he has the heart to do it.  Before I left he asked me to lift him high in the air (which he asks for everyday).  And then he asked for another, and another.  On the last one, he wrapped his legs around me so I couldn't put him down.  Then he gave me at least 15 kisses on my cheeck and head.  I gave him some in return.  Then we said our dasvidaniyas and he went with his group and I left the orphanage.

I was nervous about today.  It was my first solo flight here in the Ukraine and I didn't have Karen with me.  But all-in-all I think it went really well.  When I sat down to eat at the restaurant in the "Walmart" a music video came on the televisions mounted on the wall.  It was Karen's favorite song in the Ukraine...."TaCaTa".  And I thought of her.  And I knew that everything was going to be alright.

Details To Come......

I've got a plane to catch, so no time to blog! Details to come of our (several) delayed court hearings today, and the final one that made Ruslan our boy! 

Marking Time......

We'll eventually be turning this blog in to a book, so I want to save this space for the post I am too exhausted to write!  It will include details of why you shouldn't wear flip flops with tights, a night out in Odessa (including why you never want to sit near Bill in an Opera House!), why our driver is the most awesome, a visit to the Golden Arches, how not to get through border patrol, and why we chose to stay up ALL night the night before our adoption court hearing.  Good times! 

DISCLAIMER: Bill will be blogging from now on since I am heading to Kiev and then home.  I did give him a tutorial, but I bear no responsibility for what shows up on this page from here on out! ; )

Court Is In Session.....Soon!

So I prayed last night before bed.  Not for a positive court outcome.  Not for speedy resolution.  In fact, I didn't have one petition for God.  I just told Him (after being spurred on by my devotional yesterday!) that I humbly put myself in His hands.  That I would accept whatever timeline He put before me, and stop trying to make it suit my needs.  And I thanked Him for the amazing blessings he has given us.  It was good to just lay it all at His feet because I have been pretty impatient awaiting news of when we would finally get to court. 

We haven't done much sightseeing here because for one, we wanted to keep the budget costs low and extra trips with the driver mean extra money.  Additionally, we respected the fact that the facilitator (and even the driver!) were busy running papers all around Ukraine for us trying to get things done.  We finally got stir crazy enough to want to go see the water we could vaguely make out when looking at the horizon from the orphanage, so we did go see the harbor the other day. 

But, ever since we first stopped in Odessa and the driver pointed out the Odessa Opera House, I have been mini-dreaming of being able to go to a performance there.  I love all things theater, drama and performance and it is supposed to be a breathtakingly beautiful building.  But I didn't dare ask.  First, I thought the cost would be astronomical and then of course all the reasons we mentioned above were on my mind as well. 

Out of curiosity I looked online, and noticed that there was a ballet showing tonight at the Opera House AND that the tickets were dirt cheap!!! (Even the good seats!)  So I mustered up the courage to ask if we could go.  Okay...not true...I mustered up the courage to e-mail our Advocate for Orphans contact in California and ask HIM if it would be okay if we asked to go.  HE gave me the courage to ask.

So, I called our facilitator and said, "Bill and I were wondering if we could go into Odessa tomorrow night." In a deadpan serious voice he said, "Why?".....to which I explained we would like to go to the Opera House to see the ballet.  I told him we felt like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and it is supposed to be one of the most beautiful buildings in the world (to which he kind of chuckled....it is probably how we feel when people are amazed at some sight that we have access to every day and is just second nature for us!) We even offered to include the driver (so he wouldn't have to sit there bored, and since tickets are dirt cheap!) To this he said, "I assure you he is not interested!"  And then the thought of our burly driver sitting in the ballet gave us a good giggle.  But he said he would think about it and let us know.  As a precaution, we told Ruslan that we wouldn't be visiting today (better to say that and end up coming after all, than to leave him thinking we are coming and then not show up!), but that we would be back on Thursday, which he understood.  The first thing he asked us is if we were going to Odessa to go swimming!!! (Cracks us up...this kid loves the ocean and I think it just might have broken his heart to hear we were going swimming without him!) We explained that no, we were going with our driver and facilitator.  Then he gestured filling out paperwork, asking if we were going to get paperwork done.  (He knows our facilitator has been away in Kiev, busy getting things done so that is what he associates him with.) Well, neither Bill nor I knew the word for "ballet" in Russian, and after the elephant escapade, neither one of us was too keen on acting out some ballet moves.  So we just said yes, as it was something he could easily understand.  And, it was in part true because our facilitator is bringing the permission from the SDA to have court.  So we left it at that, and he was okay with it.  He kept his lego firetruck to work on while we're away, and we told him we would see him on Thursday...just in case!

So we were kind of excited, but we have learned not to get our hopes up around here because that way when things do pan out, we can be pleasantly surprised! So we went on about our day, and then Sasha called later that night and said he thought it would "not be a bad idea" if we went in to Odessa, but that we would need to wait and see how things went this morning in Kiev with the permission for court.  He said if we DID go we'd probably need to be ready around 2 or 3pm.

So we watched some movies, Skyped a little, checked our e-mail, had a snack, and eventually went to bed.  When we got up this morning (which was really afternoon since we've kept ourselves on American time!) We both showered and started getting ready.  And then it occurred to us, we didn't really know what we were getting ready for!  We weren't sure if we'd be going to the ballet or not...so we kind of chuckled about that and said, well....we might just look REALLY nice for our orphanage visit today!  Then my husband, ever the romantic, says, "If we don't go to the ballet, I'm taking you out to a NICE dinner at the Wal-Mart"...and we both got a laugh out of that. 

We are sitting in the living room, dressed up with maybe no place to go, and we are watching the time go by.  And 2:00 comes, and 3:00 comes, and Bill looks at me and says, "So...what are you going to pick for dinner at the store?"  No word from our facilitator at this point so we both think it's a safe bet we're going on our regular orphanage visit at 4:15p.  Then, at 3:24, our facilitator calls.  He tells us that the driver will be picking us up at 4:30p to go to Odessa for the ballet.  And he says he got the permission for court.  And he says court is tomorrow! And I am screaming in the background, "You rock Sasha!" as Bill is thanking him on the phone.  And the he hangs up.  And he is crying.  And I am jumping around and screaming and jumping some more.  And then we both thank God.  And then I am crying, realizing Ruslan will (Lord willing!) be our son tomorrow.  And then we are both hugging and crying.  And then we think it is the perfect night to celebrate by going on a date night to the ballet.  And it works out perfectly because our facilitator needs to come through Odessa anyway to get here for court so he'll be meeting us there.  And we are reminded, yet again, that God's timing is always perfect. 

And tomorrow we will be going to court to ask them to grant us the privilege of bringing Ruslan home to our family.  And Friday I am flying home to my other little boy, who has been anxiously awaiting my return.  And we'll have the weekend together to reconnect, and go to church, and get back to normal.  And in a few weeks, that plane will land in RDU with Bill and Ruslan on it.  And the minute it touches down, Ruslan will be a United States citizen.  And our family will be home together. Under one roof. Growing and learning together, and ready to face a whole new adventure.  We are just two broken people, nowhere near worthy of these amazing blessings, and so humbled at the feet of an awesome God who made this all possible, will the help of some unforgettable people who were willing to be His hands and feet.  Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

A Message Meant For Me!

If Bill wasn't sitting there to witness it, I am not sure anyone would believe me.  But God had a mighty message for me today!  We had a few minutes to wait before our driver arrived to bring us to the orphanage.  So I sat down with my "Mom's Devotional Bible" and prayed for God to speak to me through scripture in that moment.  Then I randomly opened to a page.  And boy did He have a message for me!  The Devotional was titled, "What Are You Waiting For?" and the passage reference was Psalm 40:1-5.  (Also referenced Psalm 130:5-6 and Jude 20). 

Here is what it said (I underlined the parts that were particularly impacting to me!): "We wait for everything.  For the dryer to finish.  For our husbands to get home.  For the phone to ring.  For the baby to wake.  For the mail to come.  For a car to pull up, returning our child safely home.  For a job.  For answers to prayer.

With so much experience, we're remarkably unskilled at waiting well.  Waiting seems to us a colossal waste of time. 

But the fact is that while we are waiting, God is working.  To move us where he wants us to be.  To readjust the lives of others so that his ultimate desires will be fulfilled.  To bring about what will make us eventually Christlike, though not necessarily immediately comfortable. 

What are you waiting for? And more to the point, how well are you waiting for it?"

Well shoot.  If that's not conviction, I don't know what is!  I have been waiting ever not so patiently! I definitely received this message loud and clear today! Maybe it's a message for you too?  Is there something....someone...you've been waiting on?  Is there something you are immediately uncomfortable in, that God is using in a big way to get you where He wants you to be? 

I know there is a reason the Lord has delayed our stay here, and instead of being impatient, I can seek His will and His purpose.  If it is His will for me to leave on Friday, then it will be.  If not, then He knew that all along, and it is all part of His perfect plan!  Trying to rest in that tonight!

Another good visit with Ruslan today.  I love looking back over this blog and seeing the stories and all the detail.  It will be great to look back on when we are at a point that the overall trip stays with us in memory but the details are hard to recall.  Unfortunately, that makes for some long reading for you, so feel free to skim!

When we arrived, he was walking around outside the orphanage by himself, with a ball.  (We are not exactly sure why!)  He was happy to see us though, and had a quick snack before wanting to get back to his firetruck and helicopter.  He decided to take the firetruck apart and build it again!  He is really enjoying those legos!

At one point, Yana came over and Ruslan said that she could sit with us.  Then, the caregiver came over to tell Yana to leave, but Yana explained that Ruslan had told her she could stay.  The caregiver then asked Ruslan if it would be okay for her to build legos with Ruslan.  He immediately got a scowl on his face and said, "No!"  I explained that it would be okay, and that Yana wanted to be his friend, and that even if she built the legos with us, they would still be his to keep.  So, he was okay then with her joining us. 

He said that he wanted to work on the firetruck with Bill, and Yana and I could work on the helicopter.  So we started, but Yana is younger and doesn't seem to understand our language of English with charades gestures quite as well as Ruslan, so she wasn't exactly building the helicopter according to the directions.....which didn't exactly make Ruslan happy!  He got angry that she was doing it "wrong" and told her she couldn't play any more.  So Yana (who we have seen to be tremendously emotional, easily hurt, and often sulking) walked away crying.  I explained to Ruslan that Yana was sad.  He watched her for a moment, kind of taking it in, and you could see there was empathy there though he didn't quite know what to do with it.  I explained to Ruslan that it's okay if Yana does it the wrong way, and that once she goes back to playing with the children, he and I can "fix" the helicopter the right way.  I asked him if that would be okay?  He said that, yes, it would.  I encouraged him to go invite her back to play.  He gestured that he wanted me to tell her.  So I called out to her saying, "Yana....Kirin says it's okay to play!"  Well, he promptly informed me not to call him Kirin, please! (That's his last name, and nearly everyone at the orphanage refers to him as that, so I just figured it was the easiest way for her to know who I was talking about, and I figured it was okay with him since they all do it!  But he is CLEARLY not a fan, and prefers to be called by his first name!!!)  Yana had no idea what I was saying, so we compromised on going together to talk to her.  By the time we got to her, the teacher was trying to keep Yana from us, and Yana was full-fledged sobbing.  Ruslan told her that it would be okay to come back, so she took a few choked-up breaths to calm herself down, and she walked back to the table with Bill.  I thanked the caregiver, and told her it was good for Ruslan to see that they could play together. 

And, before we went back to the table I praised Ruslan like nobody's business, and he was smiling and excited.  I thanked him for being a friend to Yana, and I told him I was so proud of him for sharing with her.  I again reassured him that we would put the helicopter back together the right way when she left, and that the legos were his to keep.  (For days he has been gesturing that those legos are NOT staying at the orphanage, but rather coming home to his "bedroom in America"!)  Once Yana finished her legos, she was looking at Bill's watch.  Ruslan wanted to see it too, so he grabbed it out of her hand.  We had him give it back, and then explained that if he wants to see it he can say please.  So, he said "please" in English (since he would rather use English words than Russian lately!)  We praised him for doing such a good job asking first instead of grabbing, and then explained to Yana that Ruslan had said please.  So she let him look at it and we reminded him when he was done he needed to give it back to Yana, which he did with no problem!

He looked genuinely pleased with himself, and it was so nice to see him getting over the hurdle of sharing and letting other people in.  He even asked if we could give a chocolate egg to Yana!  I explained that the caregivers wouldn't let us, but praised him for being so thoughtful and kind. (Apparently Yana is "in" now!) I told him we could instead bring stickers for Yana and the other children.  He was actually excited, and gestured handing them out to everyone.  We'll be sure to pack those stickers for our next visit!

It was cute because at one point Bill was helping Yana fix the helicopter, and I was working with Ruslan on the firetruck.  Ruslan looked over and saw that Bill was helping Yana put pieces on in the right places (she had asked him for help, but Ruslan didn't realize that.)  Ruslan said, "Papa....no, Papa!" and was gesturing to let her do it her own way, and that when Yana leaves, we can "fix" it!  It really made Bill and I smile to see his practical application of his new found ability to be tolerant of someone else.  The caregiver came to check on us, and seemed very pleased that everything was going so nicely.  Ruslan played happily with Yana for the rest of the time, until she felt she had enough and happily went on her way.  (He did, however, check her hands when she left to be sure she didn't abscond with any lego pieces.  He was relieved to see it was just a tiny crabapple in her hand!)

At one point, Ruslan was getting frustrated when the firetruck kept breaking apart when he was trying to click a piece on.  He gave up and threw the firetruck back in to the box, obviously exasperated.  I said, "Ruslan, nyet" which means no.  At this point he was crying, and had clearly worked himself up.  I explained that it's okay to be frustrated, but that we can take a deep breath and ask for help.  Then I modeled asking Papa for some help to fix the firetruck, and that made Ruslan feel a lot better.  Bill was able to get the firetruck back together until there were only a few more pieces to go on and then Ruslan happily finished the rest.  We know it will take these real life teachable moments to develop skills in him that no one has taken the time to teach.  (Coping, sharing, empathy, etc.)  We see the fruits of each lesson in small ways every day, and we can tell they will have a compound effect.  We feel blessed to be able to bring empowerment, and new skills to a little boy who has become a master at defensiveness, isolation, self-deprication and not trusting others.  It is honestly so amazing to see his receptivity to each new skill, and to see him literally blossom before our eyes.  He's like a garden that no one has tended in almost ten years, and now that the sunshine and the water are coming in, we can look through the weeds and see the tender green shoots sprouting up.  Glad we'll be around to watch this garden blossom.  (And totally mindful that there will be many weeds popping up along the way!)

The girl that was eating the trees yesterday came up to us today.  (Which apparently she isn't supposed to because Ruslan and Yana were turning her around and trying to get her to go back to the group, and then finally a caregiver came to get her!)  Before the caregiver came though, Yana just walks up to the girl, lifts up her shirt, lowers the waistband of her pants about an inch and shows us that she is wearing a diaper.  Then Yana and Ruslan begin to giggle.  The girl seems oblivious, and it appeared to Bill and I that she isn't able to talk.  I explain to Yana and Ruslan that it's okay, and that we don't want to laugh at her because we could make her sad.  They both then started explaining again that she isn't supposed to be there...and that's when the caregiver took her away.  Each of these children has a story.  The girl who eats the trees...Yana....Maksim...Vitalik....and more.  As I interact with each of them, I find myself wondering what their story is.  Do they have a family?  Were they taken away or given up?  Have they just gotten here, or been here since birth like Ruslan? I'll never know.  But I hope I can be a source of light and hope to them.  And I know I can remind them that they are special, that God loves them, and that they are smart and beautiful on the inside and out. 

And lo and behold, as we are finishing up the legos, here comes the fence jumping lady.  And Ruslan is just cracking up, and hurries to get the camera so he can snap a photo of her in action.  And he is literally cheering when he gets a shot of her approaching the fence, and then even more giddy when he captures a perfect shot of her halfway over the fence.  And I know I shouldn't, but I laugh too.  Because it's funny to see this woman hoisting herself over the fence.  And it's funny that Ruslan thinks it's funny.  And when you've been here this long you just get punchy.  So, laughing along with the fence climbing lady's fiasco is not one of my prouder parenting moments, what can I say!? And here for your viewing pleasure is a picture of the fence jumper, and one of my husband, both compliments of Ruslan!

                                                                       

You Just Never Know......

   

....what you're gonna' get at the orphanage each day!  Today we showed up to see Ruslan, and they were eating snack.  So we sat down to wait, and some time later Ruslan came out to get dressed.  He had just gotten his clothing out of his locker when the orphanage caregiver opened the door and called him back in to the room.  I could tell by her look and voice that she wasn't happy!  I looked at our driver and said, "Uh-oh!"  He told us that Ruslan didn't eat his snack! Apparently he was so excited to see us that he didn't touch his snack.  He must have wolfed it down because he was back out in no time flat!

He was VERY excited to finish the decals on his firetruck today.  It came out awesome, and we brought him a little fire helicopter to go with it. 

Test flight for the fire helicopter!

Opening the chocolate egg!

Bill also picked out some little egg shaped thing in the grocery store yesterday.  It is called a Kinder egg, and it is similar to ones that used to be available in the US, but when you open this one it has two sides.  One side has chocolate that you eat with this little plastic spoon that comes with it, and the other side has a little mini toy.  Ruslan was so excited to try it, and it was a hit!  We'll definitely be bringing a few home for theboys to keep in the treat cabinet!     

Some lady hiked herself over the orphanage fence again today to cut through to wherever she needed to get.  The first time this happend, Ruslan was smiling a knowing smile when he observed my, "What in the world?" reaction to seeing someone climbing IN to the orphanage!! He held up one finger as if to say, "Wait a minute Mama, watch this!"  I guess it cracked him up a little too that this woman would climb the fence and come in to the orphanage.  Once she landed with a thud, he was giggling!

I am rarely surprised anymore by what I see at the orphanage.  At this point I think we both pretty much have an "anything goes" kind of attituded.  But we were certainly surprised today when we saw a little girl eating a tree.  Yes, that's right.  EATING A TREE.  I don't mean eating berries off a tree.  Or even peeling the bark and eating it, which would be odd enough.  I mean she was reaching up and pulling a branch down to where she could reach it, and she was eating it.  Chewing leaves and branch, whatever she could get.  And, while the tree eating is happening, a little boy pulls down his pants and urinates right out in the open in the play area.  We saw the tree-eating girl a little later, and it definitely seemed like there were some other developmental issues going on with her, so I felt like that helped explain a little bit.  I am wondering if maybe this orphanage is a temporary stop for her on the way to somewhere that can provide the more intense care and supervision it seems she requires.  I did notice an orphanage worker occasionally run after her, or try to redirect her. But it didn't seem like enough.  Praying she gets some support.

Vitalik has been stopping by our table every day to play with the buttons on Bill's watch.  He is just the cutest little blond boy, and he delights in pressing those buttons! (Apparently, he has figured out how to set an alarm on there that Bill didn't even know he had!) 

Then, some neighbors of the orphanage had a fire going in their yard, and when Ruslan saw that he was bound and determined to get a photo! When he asked me if he could take a picture, I mistakenly thought he meant from where we were, so I handed him the camera.  Well, he took off running for the fence around the orphanage so he could get a better shot!  But the barking of a very loud and very mean sounding dog stopped him mid stride.  And then he paused there for a moment, seemingly to evaluate the risk the dog might pose, the strength of the fence barrier between them, and if it was worth the gamble.  Well, for the love of the art, Ruslan proceeded anyway trying to get a good shot of that fire!  He actually climbed up on the fence to try and get a really good shot! (This kid has a future in the paparazzi!)  I wasn't sure the caregiver would like him climbing up there, so I called to him to get down.  He came running back with the camera, all smiles.  The shot wasn't too clear as the fire was a bit far away and had died down some, so he asked me if I could drive by it on my way out to get a better shot.  I told him we wouldn't be going that way because it wasn't the way the driver takes us, and he looked kind of bummed, but he was happy with the picture he did get! 

It was really cute because at one point I was trying to get a photo of the fire for him, and I kept  snapping   and snapping but it seemed the flames kept shifting every time I took a photo, so I never got a good shot of it.  Finally one came out pretty good, and I said "Oh...." and I was about to add....."I got one!"....but before I could get those words in he started singing ......"Happy Day, Happy  Day....when you washed my sins away!"  Apparently my "Oh" had prompted a tune in his heart! (Since that song starts out "Oh, Happy Day!")  He learned that song last summer when he was with us, and he only remembers two lines, but he sings them from his heart, with enthusiasm and a little bit of groovin' going on too!  He then proceeded to sing that song repeatedly throughout our visit! It was really cute! (I can't seem to get the video to upload here, but I will try to put it on my Facebook.)  It really was a "Happy Day!"  (You can see that in these photos! Ruslan requested the one of the two of us together, and then he took the one of Bill and I.  Love these borders he adds!)          

                                                                                                                                                          



Legacy of An Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other.

One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.                                      

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.

One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.

Now, which of these two women are you the product of?
Both, my darling, both...just two different types of love.

~Author Unknown

                             

Mothering A Million Miles Away.....

......is so hard! Our little guy is sweet, and thoughtful and loving.  (But, not without his moments like everyone else's child!) But he is having a hard time being instantly thrown in to a new family, a new routine, a new sleep schedule, and a whole new realm of existence.  He has been strong and brave, even in the face of an unexpected extension.  And the hard thing is that the "hard time" is not something that he expresses in words openly.  It just seeps in by way of unexpected comments, puzzling behavior, or moments curled up under his sheets in silent tears.  It's just hard. It is. He is being loved and doted on by two of the most amazing people and their two awesome children, and it's still hard.  For him. And for us. And I'm sure for them! (Don't get me wrong, he is also having more than his share of giggles, smiles, laughs, goofiness and good times!)

And it's so good too, and it is growing him and us in many ways.  And it is important for his independence, and to know that even apart from Mom and Dad there are people that love him and care for him.  And we are doing something good by giving Ruslan a family.  And we'll all be back home together soon.  And we know all that. And we know people mean well when they tell us that. But it's still hard.

I miss my little boy, and all the big and little moments we normally share.  I miss checking his backpack each day.  I miss seeing him at soccer, and waiting for that big yellow bus to turn the corner.  I miss reading with him at night, cuddled up together.  I miss sleepy mornings when he wanders in to my room and we sneak in a snuggle before the day starts.  I miss movie night, and family game night, and dinner together at the table.  I miss hearing about his day, and hearing what's on his heart, and telling what made us "mad, sad and glad" each night before bed.  I miss praying with him.  (We do some of this over Skype, but it is somehow not the same!) I miss the random "I love you's" that pop up during the day from both of us, rather than the scripted ones that come at the beginning and ending of Skype sessions.  (Though those ones are nice too!)  And each night on that screen we are right there with each other, and still a million miles away.  And I can't tousle his hair, or give him a hug, or a high five, or tuck him in. 

And it is easy to forget, despite our best intentions, that in this grown up world of things happening around us-things are happening TO him.  And it's so important to be sure to take the time and explain.  Because leaving our son behind to come on this trip wasn't our choice, we never thought about the fact that he could look at it like it was.  Because this delay is in NO way our fault or our choice, it is easy for a little guy to misconstrue and think that it is because of some action or inaction on our part.  And Ukraine is some crazy, abstract vacuum of a place where his parents show up on a computer screen each night.  (Thank you Sullivans though, for the geography info that makes it a little more concrete for him!) and we were so busy and wrapped up with all the preparations of raising funds, and completing paperwork, and just getting here....it never occured to either of us to take out a map or a globe to talk about it. 

And he is there. And we are here.  And you can't do any of the things you want to do as a mom when you are a million miles away.  At least not the way you want to.  And it's hard.  And finding the right balance of expectation and grace is hard.  And  I can only pray that I get it right. From a million miles away.

Watch Out World!

  We had a great day today! (Even though we overslept and didn't make it to church, AGAIN! We just can't seem to get on Ukrainian time!) Thank goodness for Hope's podcasts!  Our driver picked us up early and we went to the harbor, which was a nice change of scenery.  We got to see some memorials, and also the water. There were people fishing off the concrete pier, and a few people (braver than I) who were swimming.

We walked past the "Sanitorium" which to me sounds like a mental hospital.  I asked our driver if it was like a hospital, but he speaks very little English and said, "No,no...prophylactic"....well we had no idea what that meant! So I looked it up on Wikipedia, and it said this: "....for most Eastern Europeans including Russians, Ukrainians, Czechs, and other national cultures sanatorium mostly means kind of a hotel with health resort facilities and various available services (such as massage, pool, sauna, aroma, oxygenotherapy, etc.) not covered by medical insurance. It is mostly without any double connotation is a spa resort where relatively healthy business people can rest and recuperate well-being during a regular job vacation."  Very interesting.

After visiting D'nistrovsky Liman (the harbor!) we drove the long way back to the orphanage.  Our driver brought us by the army base, and then past where there were large cranes and various ports along the harbor.

When we got to the orphanage, Ruslan's group was already outside. He was sitting at a table coloring with some of the other orphanage children.  He was so excited to see us, we told him we would wait until he finished but he insisted on coming with us.  He brought one of the coloring books and a few crayons with him.  So we sat down together, and he soon found a lego firetruck that we picked up for him in our bag of activities.  He was so excited, I wish we could have captured his face on camera. He looked at his coloring book and crayons and said, "No Mama!" meaning he didn't want to do that anymore! He ran like the wind to bring the coloring book and crayons back to the kids at the table, and get back to us to start building! His hands were shaking with excitement when he started building it! When it's finished it will be a great addition to his bedroom.  He worked on that firetruck for the entire two hours we were there.  He was so concentrated, and carefully organized and sorted all the parts.  He interpreted the directions so well, and he was able to build the entire thing himself, except for help with a few pieces that needed lots of muscle to click in to place!  He got it all assembled just as our driver was walking up to pick us up.  It was perfect timing! It is a great little firetruck, with working doors and a working ladder that swivels around and can be raised and lowered.  Tomorrow he will be adding the decals to it, and it will be complete!  (In fact, he asked if we could please leave his other activities at home tomorrow, and just bring his banana, juice, and the firetruck! He is so excited about it!) I guess legos will be a hit with him!                                                                             

Yana came over to us today (the little girl who gave me the Barbie necklace) and she was so delighted to see that I was wearing it.  I wasn't sure if she would have regrets in having given it to me, so I asked her if she wanted it back, but she spoke in Russian and gestured that she wanted me to have it.  So sweet, and I am glad she saw me wearing it today. 

Several of the children were interested in Ruslan's legos, and it is amazing to see how much he has grown in comfort knowing that they are only curious but that they won't (and we won't let them!) steal, ruin or destroy his things.  He is not so defensive, and he even chats with some of the children when they come over.  It is amazing what a little bit of scaffolding has done for his social development and his comfort level and sense of security.

When it was time to for us to go, Ruslan very carefully packed the assembled truck back in to the box.  He said goodbye to us with big hugs, and asked Bill to lift him in the air once before we left.  (This has kind of become a routine for them!)  He also gave our driver "five".  Yesterday when we were leaving, he gave the driver a hug, then a handshake, and then he kissed the back of his hand.  Ruslan has such a sweet heart, and he really responds to those who show him kindness.  (I think it helps that there was a time this week when our driver and facilitator were both advocates for Ruslan in a big way.) 

When we got back in the car I said to our driver, "Ruslan loves Sergei!".....and then he responded in his broken Russian, "Ruslan is good boy."  Such a short sentence, but that really warmed our hearts, and meant so much.  We are glad someone else has been able to see him in his true element, when he is free to be himself and not in defensive mode.  It's true...this boy is kinder, gentler, brighter and more intelligent, and funnier than he has ever been given credit for.  Watch out world....here comes Ruslan!