Bill and I had our Orientation phone call for our adoption tonight. We started our call around 9pm, and didn't get off until almost 10:30pm. (David, who we spoke with, is in California, so not as late for him!) He outlined the process for us, and what we can expect as we move forward in this journey. He reviewed the fee schedule, and answered many of our questions. He asked about us, about why we are interested in pursuing adoption. He shared his own adoption story, and explained how he would play a significant role in facilitating ours.
And in the quiet of this house, with Mason sleeping and the dogs curled up on the couch, I realized just how much we miss Ruslan. Bill and I sat at the kitchen table, both looking at copies of the orientation documents as we talked. We were each taking notes, asking questions, and listening intently.
And I was thinking....about a little boy who squealed with delight when Bill lifted him up to touch the ceiling before bed....about a little boy who was so excited to have his own toothbrush and toothpaste that he brushed his teeth every chance he got, even when his bleeding gums left him spitting out toothpaste foam tinged with pink....a little boy who was over the moon excited when he got to pick out a new pair of shoes at the shoe store....a little boy who was so thankful when we treated his cuts and scrapes with neosporin and band-aids...a little boy who smelled so badly when he arrived that we put him in a (much enjoyed!) bubble bath the very first night he was here….a little boy who has been ridiculed and excluded, teased and isolated….a little boy who has never known the loving arms of a mother or the mentorship of a father….a little boy who sobbed in my lap, big heaving sobs when he knew it was time to go back to the orphanage….a little boy who is just starting to believe that he is smart and strong and brave…..a little boy who learned about God’s love for him quite possibly for the first time ever.
David summed it up so succinctly today when he said, “Ruslan is a helpless boy in a hopeless situation.” That child did not ask for the life he is living, and he deserves far better.
I look at the numbers on paper…..each incremental payment due one after the other….and I don’t know how we’ll make them. Truthfully…I honestly don’t have any idea where that money will come from. But, I know that the Lord has placed a stirring in our hearts for this little boy, and I know that no one will adopt Ruslan based on a profile in a book or a brief encounter with him. His layers are too deep, his façade is too strong, he’s been hurt too much, and he is slow to let his guard down. He is embarrassed of his appearance, and has an exterior shell hardened by ridicule. But beneath all of that, is the gentle boy who shared lovingly with Mason, traced a heart over his chest when I told him no one could ever take away the memories we made, and reached up with vulnerability each night for a goodnight hug.
I know that God’s provision is greater than I can ever imagine, and that if this little boy is meant to come home to us then he will. David explained that the best thing we can do is tell anyone and everyone we know our story….not a story about our family, but a story of how we are fighting for this little boy. How we want to change the course of his life eternally. So I share that story with you tonight. And if you feel led, feel free to share our blog, strike up a conversation, whatever it takes to spread the word. We can take care of Ruslan once he arrives, but we need a village to help us get him here.
We told Ruslan if he missed us at the orphanage, he could hug his pillow and we’d be hugging ours too. Tonight, I surely will be, and I hope he can feel that love a world away!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Allow Me To Clarify
We believe Ruslan belongs in our family, we love him, and we want to call him “son”. There is a hole in our hearts and our home since he left. The attachment we made to him was undeniable, the progress remarkable, and the bond inseperable.
We have been tiptoeing around the words since he left…not even consciously. A close friend was able to lovingly point out that we have yet to come right out and say it. (Thank you for your truth, shared in love.) We want to adopt Ruslan.
After letting her words soak in, and doing some reflection, Bill and I have concluded that there are a few reasons for our trepidation….which we are setting aside our pride to share.
The first is that we are more than well aware that on paper it doesn’t seem to make much sense that we would want to adopt. It’s no secret that we’ve had our fair share of financial missteps, and that we are working to pay off debt. Many people might think that we are foolish to even consider the added expense of adoption in our current position. What have we learned? That the Lord doesn’t care about our past, about our debt, or about what the numbers look like on paper. He has called us to care for orphans, and he will honor our obedience in doing so. That paying off debt and funding an adoption are not mutually exclusive, and that we can slowly chip away at both. That we may not be rich, and we may not have as much as some, but we have everything we need to give Ruslan a stable, loving home.
The second is that there are people, maybe even people very close to us, who choose not to, or simply aren’t able to accept or embrace the idea of adoption. There are those who strongly disagree with the notion, those who just think it is a bad idea for us, and those who think there are children right here who should be helped, rather than internationally. This is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the resistance we have heard/felt. It is made particularly more painful because we don’t doubt that if we were announcing a pregnancy instead of an impending adoption, there would be much joy and celebration. What have we learned? When facing an endeavor this big, this life changing, we need all the support we can get. I am not talking about monetary support….I mean true, unwavering, unconditional support for the journey we are about to embark on. I mean knowing that friends and family are right there with us….celebrating each success and sharing in the difficult times. We have also learned that we can’t make people choose to understand, choose to support us, or choose to share in this journey. That is a decision only they can make, and they are the ones losing out if they choose not to be a part of something this awesome. We have learned that Ruslan didn’t choose to be thrown away as an infant, and he doesn’t deserve to be institutionalized. We know that despite the suffereing he has endured in his nine short years, there is a tenderness to him, a quiet and subdued strength that has allowed him to endure, and a heart just overflowing with love. That the people who don’t support us didn’t have to listen to that little boy sob at the thought of being relegated back to the orphanage….they didn’t have to tend to and heal the sores and cuts on his body when he arrived….they didn’t have to watch him hide his face in shame and shy away from speaking to/looking at others because of his deformity and delayed speech and the ridicule they earn him. They didn’t have to drive him back to the airport, like driving a lamb to the slaughter, and send him off to a bleak future. They didn’t have to see the love Ruslan had for us, the connection he made with Mason, and the pride he beamed with when we told him (and finally convinced him!) that he is smart, and strong and brave. They didn't get to see the fierce love that Mason had for Ruslan, and the comraderie that existed between the two. That some things truly can’t be appreciated until they are experienced, and that however hurtful it may be, we can’t let that lack of support dissuade us. We know in our hearts that adopting this boy is the right thing to do.
The third is that we were paralyzed by the fear of having to fundraise such an astronomical amount of money. Paralyzed. Truly. This has probably been the thing holding us back the most. We are disappointed with our lack of blind faith, but we know that the Lord is clearly working to stretch and grow us in this area. He has been so faithful in provision, and in softening the hearts of those who have so generously given already. What have we learned? A little girl is coming home tomorrow with her family from the Ukraine…..God had to move mountains to make that happen. They fundraised nearly all of their needed money. If He has done it once, He has done it a thousand times, and He will be faithful in provision for us as well. If He isn’t….it’s because it was never in His plan for Ruslan to be in our family.
The fourth is that we have been afraid of being a “burden”…of inconveniencing others with our prayer requests and fundraising efforts. Of running the risk that someone disconnects from us, blocks us on Facebook, decides to stop asking how we’re doing or what is going on with us because they are tired of hearing about all things adoption. What have we learned? The small inconvenience that might come with reading the same status update more than once, listening to the umpteenth plea for support, etc. pales in comparison to the burden this little boy carries every day.
The fifth is that we have been trying to take the advice to seek the Lord and to understand what He wants us to do. And we have no idea….truly. We know that He stirred our hearts for the hosting program for a reason. We know that months ago, even before we planned to host, we picked Ruslan’s picture out of a basket, and began praying for him. We ultimately picked another child to host, and that child ended up in a different hosting program instead. Three photos were presented to us to make another selection. One of them was Ruslan….and he so clearly stuck out to us. We chose him….twice. We saw something in those eyes, that smile. What have we learned? That other host families might have likely given up on him due to his lack of impulse control, his tendency for tantrums and defiance when upset, and the sheer amount of energy required to pour love into him. That others recognized the amazing transformation in Ruslan in just three weeks. That we are prepared for not knowing what might come, for the fact that he will need much investment and support, and that he is worthy of every bit of that and more. That people who watched us with Ruslan during the hosting program, who watched us interact with and respond to him, have all said that it is so evident that he is our son. That we only need to pray that we be obedient to Him and walk through those doors He opens, and that we are humble enough to understand why He might close others. That we are along for the ride, and must strive daily to be in His word and on the path He is paving. We only need to seek Him...He will confirm if this is the right path.
Quite possibly the biggest lesson of all is that there is a little boy out there tonight who deserves the carefree and fun-loving life of a child. A little boy whose tears have outnumbered his smiles. A little boy who deserves to be exposed to the joy that comes with being part of a family. A little boy we love….I have watched my husband weep for this boy that he loves as his own, I have watched my son lament the loss of a friend and “brother”, and I have had it affirmed in my heart that I am this child’s mother….the only mother he has ever known.
So, allow me to clarify…..we want to adopt Ruslan, and there is no shame in admitting that or sharing that. Won’t you join us and support us on this journey? We need you in our corner, and more importantly, Ruslan needs people willing to fight for him. You could be part of history for this little boy, and you could help gift him with the most precious treasure of all….a family.
“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”- Matthew 18:5 (originally posted 9/2/11)
We have been tiptoeing around the words since he left…not even consciously. A close friend was able to lovingly point out that we have yet to come right out and say it. (Thank you for your truth, shared in love.) We want to adopt Ruslan.
After letting her words soak in, and doing some reflection, Bill and I have concluded that there are a few reasons for our trepidation….which we are setting aside our pride to share.
The first is that we are more than well aware that on paper it doesn’t seem to make much sense that we would want to adopt. It’s no secret that we’ve had our fair share of financial missteps, and that we are working to pay off debt. Many people might think that we are foolish to even consider the added expense of adoption in our current position. What have we learned? That the Lord doesn’t care about our past, about our debt, or about what the numbers look like on paper. He has called us to care for orphans, and he will honor our obedience in doing so. That paying off debt and funding an adoption are not mutually exclusive, and that we can slowly chip away at both. That we may not be rich, and we may not have as much as some, but we have everything we need to give Ruslan a stable, loving home.
The second is that there are people, maybe even people very close to us, who choose not to, or simply aren’t able to accept or embrace the idea of adoption. There are those who strongly disagree with the notion, those who just think it is a bad idea for us, and those who think there are children right here who should be helped, rather than internationally. This is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the resistance we have heard/felt. It is made particularly more painful because we don’t doubt that if we were announcing a pregnancy instead of an impending adoption, there would be much joy and celebration. What have we learned? When facing an endeavor this big, this life changing, we need all the support we can get. I am not talking about monetary support….I mean true, unwavering, unconditional support for the journey we are about to embark on. I mean knowing that friends and family are right there with us….celebrating each success and sharing in the difficult times. We have also learned that we can’t make people choose to understand, choose to support us, or choose to share in this journey. That is a decision only they can make, and they are the ones losing out if they choose not to be a part of something this awesome. We have learned that Ruslan didn’t choose to be thrown away as an infant, and he doesn’t deserve to be institutionalized. We know that despite the suffereing he has endured in his nine short years, there is a tenderness to him, a quiet and subdued strength that has allowed him to endure, and a heart just overflowing with love. That the people who don’t support us didn’t have to listen to that little boy sob at the thought of being relegated back to the orphanage….they didn’t have to tend to and heal the sores and cuts on his body when he arrived….they didn’t have to watch him hide his face in shame and shy away from speaking to/looking at others because of his deformity and delayed speech and the ridicule they earn him. They didn’t have to drive him back to the airport, like driving a lamb to the slaughter, and send him off to a bleak future. They didn’t have to see the love Ruslan had for us, the connection he made with Mason, and the pride he beamed with when we told him (and finally convinced him!) that he is smart, and strong and brave. They didn't get to see the fierce love that Mason had for Ruslan, and the comraderie that existed between the two. That some things truly can’t be appreciated until they are experienced, and that however hurtful it may be, we can’t let that lack of support dissuade us. We know in our hearts that adopting this boy is the right thing to do.
The third is that we were paralyzed by the fear of having to fundraise such an astronomical amount of money. Paralyzed. Truly. This has probably been the thing holding us back the most. We are disappointed with our lack of blind faith, but we know that the Lord is clearly working to stretch and grow us in this area. He has been so faithful in provision, and in softening the hearts of those who have so generously given already. What have we learned? A little girl is coming home tomorrow with her family from the Ukraine…..God had to move mountains to make that happen. They fundraised nearly all of their needed money. If He has done it once, He has done it a thousand times, and He will be faithful in provision for us as well. If He isn’t….it’s because it was never in His plan for Ruslan to be in our family.
The fourth is that we have been afraid of being a “burden”…of inconveniencing others with our prayer requests and fundraising efforts. Of running the risk that someone disconnects from us, blocks us on Facebook, decides to stop asking how we’re doing or what is going on with us because they are tired of hearing about all things adoption. What have we learned? The small inconvenience that might come with reading the same status update more than once, listening to the umpteenth plea for support, etc. pales in comparison to the burden this little boy carries every day.
The fifth is that we have been trying to take the advice to seek the Lord and to understand what He wants us to do. And we have no idea….truly. We know that He stirred our hearts for the hosting program for a reason. We know that months ago, even before we planned to host, we picked Ruslan’s picture out of a basket, and began praying for him. We ultimately picked another child to host, and that child ended up in a different hosting program instead. Three photos were presented to us to make another selection. One of them was Ruslan….and he so clearly stuck out to us. We chose him….twice. We saw something in those eyes, that smile. What have we learned? That other host families might have likely given up on him due to his lack of impulse control, his tendency for tantrums and defiance when upset, and the sheer amount of energy required to pour love into him. That others recognized the amazing transformation in Ruslan in just three weeks. That we are prepared for not knowing what might come, for the fact that he will need much investment and support, and that he is worthy of every bit of that and more. That people who watched us with Ruslan during the hosting program, who watched us interact with and respond to him, have all said that it is so evident that he is our son. That we only need to pray that we be obedient to Him and walk through those doors He opens, and that we are humble enough to understand why He might close others. That we are along for the ride, and must strive daily to be in His word and on the path He is paving. We only need to seek Him...He will confirm if this is the right path.
Quite possibly the biggest lesson of all is that there is a little boy out there tonight who deserves the carefree and fun-loving life of a child. A little boy whose tears have outnumbered his smiles. A little boy who deserves to be exposed to the joy that comes with being part of a family. A little boy we love….I have watched my husband weep for this boy that he loves as his own, I have watched my son lament the loss of a friend and “brother”, and I have had it affirmed in my heart that I am this child’s mother….the only mother he has ever known.
So, allow me to clarify…..we want to adopt Ruslan, and there is no shame in admitting that or sharing that. Won’t you join us and support us on this journey? We need you in our corner, and more importantly, Ruslan needs people willing to fight for him. You could be part of history for this little boy, and you could help gift him with the most precious treasure of all….a family.
“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”- Matthew 18:5 (originally posted 9/2/11)
Stepping Out
We are stepping out in faith.....completing our International Adoption Services agreement with Stork, and initiating our homestudy on 10/1. When you love someone you are willing to fight for them, and we intend to give our all to bringing Ruslan home.
Say It With A Shirt
We are selling some awesome shirts to help raise funds for Ruslan's adoption. Great for yourself, or as a gift for someone else. Please take a look and help us spread the word. www.adoptionbug.com/ruslanshope
A Bit "Puzzling"
WANT TO BE PART OF A PUZZLE OF LOVE? We had the photo below made into a puzzle. We are selling puzzle pieces for $1 each. Anyone who buys a piece will have their name written on the back of a puzzle piece. When the puzzle is complete it will be a gift for Ruslan, and an amazing testimony to how many people were fighting to bring him home. He'll be able to read those names and know that each person had a "piece" in making a tremendous difference in his life. Buy one....buy a few....sell some to others.....help us complete our puzzle of love. ♥
WE NEED YOU!
Join us at Sweet Tomatoes on Walnut St. in Cary Thursday, September 22 from 5p-8p. Take the family to dinner, and help a Ukrainian orphan come home to a family meal of his own! 20% of the proceeds go to help us bring Ruslan home. YOU MUST HAVE A FLYER WITH YOU so please see me...I can give you hard copies or a .pdf file. PLEASE HELP US SPREAD THE WORD.
A Little Communication!
September 3, 9:53am- I got to see some photos of Ruslan this morning from one of the families who is in the Ukraine finalizing their adoption. One of the photos was captioned, "Got Ruslan to give a little smile for his US Mama and Papa." So great to see him. We'll be sending him a photo and a note too!
We Appreciate Your Support!
August 25, 7:38am- "Psalm 68:6-God sets the lonely in families." Please consider a tax deductible donation to help save Ruslan's life. We have raised enough to complete a home study & are on our way to the first payment to the adoption agency. With your help, we truly believe that we can make a difference for this little boy. Please indicate with any donation that funds are for Ruslan. Your sacrifice could very well be life changing!
Quotable
August 25, 12:25am- A friend posted this quote and I wanted to share: "I pray every person has the opportunity to visit an orphanage. Do not shy away from it...don't be scared of the pain, or what you will see. Let's get it out of the way right now...you will hurt. You will see the worst side of awful. But more than that, you will see God's most precious gifts...and they will open your eyes forever." Thanks Mike for posting this....missing one of those "precious gifts" and praying we can get him out of there!
"Brotherly" Love...
Mason found a video of Ruslan pulling him around in a wagon full of water ...he is all giggles as he is watching! It was so great to watch these two boys fall in line like "brothers". Amazing to watch them speak the language of play, and get along like they had always been together.
Making Miracles
August 16, 9:13pm- We just got this message from one of the translators: "THANK you for the love you gave to Ruslan,we could see big changes in him for the small amount of time!You're a good encouragement to all of us. Ruslan got very kind heart & he loves you very much! He told me that he misses you & he wishes he could stay in your family. I think he was the only child who was crying for his family. At the airplane he was very sweet, the whole trip actually. God's love through you makes miracles!"
Beyond Grateful
August 14, 11:35pm- Words don't express our gratitude for/amazement of so many people that see something in Ruslan worth fighting for. This is quite possibly the first time in his life that he has ever had so many people in his corner. You know who you are & you know what we're thankful for-whether it is your prayer,laughter,tears, stories,advice,perspective,curiosity,resources,experiences,time,creativity,a listening ear, etc.....thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
100 Days
August 14, 10:47pm-
Mason at bedtime: "Mommy...what if I forget that Ruslan isn't here anymore?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Mason: "Oh Mommy...it's going to take me like 100 days to remember that he isn't here...I will probably wake up in the morning and look in his room and just see nothing."
Me: "I know Buddy, me too! We'll help each other through it."
It's hard to say goodbye.... = (
Mason at bedtime: "Mommy...what if I forget that Ruslan isn't here anymore?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Mason: "Oh Mommy...it's going to take me like 100 days to remember that he isn't here...I will probably wake up in the morning and look in his room and just see nothing."
Me: "I know Buddy, me too! We'll help each other through it."
It's hard to say goodbye.... = (
The Empty Room...
August 14, 10:34am- The spare room doesn't look the same without Ruslan's things in there. Heartbroken to say goodbye....but so thankful that we had this time with him. Thank you to the so many of you who helped to make this possible in so many ways. Praying for safe travels, and for him to be strong and brave.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Time Is Here....
August 12, 9:09am- Ruslan is leaving in two more days. My biggest fear as of late has been that Ruslan wouldn't understand.....that he would think we were "sending him back" or that we didn't want him here. I have been anxious about this, and trying to come up with the words to explain.
When we decided to host, I thought I would be updating those on our prayer and support list weekly, if not more. I quickly came to learn that Ruslan has many facets and layers, and that unraveling them all would take more emotional and physical energy than I had ever anticipated. I apologize for the lack of updates, for the lack of dinners, for the lack of connectedness. I never intended for it to be that way. Ruslan had his last day of camp today....I am sorry I didn't connect with other host families that closely.......but I rest in knowing that our attention has been right where it needed to be these last three weeks....on Ruslan.
Ruslan is a wonderful little boy, whose heart carries a heavy burden. He is sensitive and puts up a facade to keep others at a distance. He has severe language delays, and is likely dealing with other developmental issues as well. He doesn’t fare well in the orphanage because he is so different. He lacks social awareness, self confidence and impulse control. But his heart is so full of love, and he has such a tender soul. He is loving, and fun, and has a great sense of humor. He is kind and gentle with Mason, and has opened up and learned to share and play cooperatively. They giggle and shriek and hide and seek and play like brothers. He is also very bright, despite what first impressions might leave people thinking.
The Lord has a way of answering prayer....and tonight that answer was bittersweet. My uneasiness about how to say goodbye to Ruslan was both stirred and calmed at once. Tonight, we were in Ruslan's room getting ready for bed. In his short time here, Ruslan has collected trinkets and treasures (happy meal toys from his travel here, fliers and business cards, art projects from camp, crayons, matchbox cars, etc.) He keeps these all neatly laid out on the table next to his bed. He has been reveling in having belongings of his own, with space to store them.
We had a normal evening….dinner, and then a little Wipeout (you know, "educational" TV) Ruslan and Mason played in their “fort” (made with two soccer goals and a blanket!) We all went upstairs to get ready for bed. It started with a box of stickers that Ruslan held up, and said, “zaftra”…..which means tomorrow in Russian. He then set them on the table in his room to play with tomorrow. I assumed he meant that it was bedtime now, but he would play with them tomorrow. He had some puzzle pieces in a sandwich size ziploc bag. Out of nowhere, he started cleaning up all of his toys and "treasures". He was leaving those stickers out for tomorrow, but the rest was getting packed! I watched as he methodically picked up each item and surveyed it. Some went in to his ziploc bag, and some he gave to me, gesturing that I should keep them.
He pulled out the backpack that he got off the plane with when he arrived, and my eyes just welled with tears. It occurred to me that he was packing. Packing to leave, preparing, and putting his belongings through a triage of sorts. The really special ones (like his new stickers and sketch pad, Bill’s Cary Fire Department hat, a firetruck matchbox car-Ruslan has said he wants to be a fireman like Bill when he grows up-) made it into the Ziploc, or the backpack if too big. All of the Noah’s ark animals he made in camp were given to me…except the zebra! The cross sand art he made was given to me…..an embroidered hankerchief he came with was given to me (though I tucked that one back in the bag…unsure if it might have belonged to a chaperone).
I knew in an instant that someone had reminded him that he would be leaving soon. And I was instantly relieved….and saddened. I was glad not to be the one to tell him that it was soon time to leave, but I hadn’t prepared for this so soon…but God’s timing is perfect! As my eyes grew wet with fat tears that inevitably streamed down my cheeks, this brave little boy continued to pack up his belongings. He was matter of fact, a man on a mission, and with every toy that went in the bag, or in my hands, my heart broke a little more. For every item that had been “his” while he was here, he would ask permission to pack it, or to give it to me. When I affirmed him, his face just beamed.
It broke my heart to think of these things…HIS things….being shared with so many children and lost in the shuffle…nothing really “belonging” to one or the other. Kids will be kids, and I thought of his dear treasures getting broken or taken or lost. He pointed to his laundry pile and raised his arms in the air as if to say, “What do we do about these…I need to pack them but they are dirty?” I told him we could wash them “zaftra”. He was pleased with that, and then began to empty out his little dresser, gesturing to see if he could take the clothing home with him. I told him he could, and he was so excited! (You may remember he came with one pair of socks and tennis shoes, a sweatshirt, swim trunks that were too small, and an airline magazine!) He counted how many extra socks he was leaving with and placed them in the bag. He gestured that the sweatshirt was to keep him warm on the plane and put that in the bag. He found a long sleeve dress shirt, a polo shirt and a long sleeve knit shirt that he never wore while here. He was so excited that they still had the tags on them, and he carefully folded and packed them.
When he saw my tears, he remained brave….saying only “Mama” and then gesturing tears down his cheeks with his two index fingers. I used the translator to ask why he was packing things (I didn’t want to assume he knew something he didn’t….he has a natural tendency to load items into any bag, case or compartment he can find so I just wanted to be sure what I sensed was accurate.) He pointed to himself and then gestured his hand through the air like an airplane. Then he said “Bill?” and pointed out the window (indicating where Bill was at work) and then gestured crying. He wanted to know if Bill was at work, also feeling sad that Ruslan was leaving. I reminded Ruslan that we love him, and that when you have to say goodbye to someone you love, it is ok to feel sad. I asked him if he was sad, and he bravely responded “no” and when on packing……for a minute, then he turned back to me and nodded a teary-eyed “yes”. He crawled in to his bed and hid his face.
I told him it’s ok to be sad, and that he didn’t have to hide from me. I reminded him that it is hard to say goodbye to someone you love. He sat up, and folded himself into my arms, and just sobbed big sobs. I just held him, this broken little boy, and let him sob. And I sobbed too.
I reminded him that he is our friend….that we love him….that he is smart and strong and brave. That he is handsome and good. That he will grow up and do great things. I told him that people can rip his paper, break his toys, take his things, hurt him, etc. but they can never take away our love for him, or the memories in his heart. He then drew a heart shape over his chest. I told him if he is at the orphanage and people are hurting him, or his things, he can just remember that his memories and the love in his heart are forever. He then gestures as if someone is hitting him, and then he waves them away in dismissal as if it doesn’t matter and traces a heart over his chest.
I told him through the translator that I know it is hard for him to be at the orphanage. He nodded yes, and continued to cry. I explained that sometimes God brings us through hard times so that we can grow stronger. I told him if he is ever feeling sad at the orphanage, he can hug his pillow and think of us, and we’ll be hugging ours too. He demonstrated on his pillow with a grip so tight it seemed he was holding on for dear life…..and I knew, in fact, that he was.
I told him he could write us a letter. He got up and got a book off of our bookshelf, then pointed to himself, shook his head no, and pointed to the words in the book. He was telling me he can’t write/understand English. I told him it would be okay to write in Russian, and my friend would help me read it. He then found a CD player, and put in a lullaby CD. He curled up on the floor and put his head in my lap. We talked for a bit more, he said “I love you” a few times into the translator, and then he climbed in his bed, curled up and fell asleep.
My heart aches for this little boy, thrown away at birth, lacking in the simple pleasures of childhood….someone to hold him and rock him as an infant, someone to help him with his language development, to feed his self esteem, to encourage his spiritual growth, to tuck him in at night, to be there for him when he is afraid, or sad, or sick.
I know there are children all over the world…all over America…all over Raleigh in similar situations…..and I know you can’t save the world. But I also know we are called to care for widows and orphans, and I know I can’t deny the light and the hope and the promise that we see in this little boy.
We are so blessed, and so thankful to have shared our hearts and our home with him.
When we decided to host, I thought I would be updating those on our prayer and support list weekly, if not more. I quickly came to learn that Ruslan has many facets and layers, and that unraveling them all would take more emotional and physical energy than I had ever anticipated. I apologize for the lack of updates, for the lack of dinners, for the lack of connectedness. I never intended for it to be that way. Ruslan had his last day of camp today....I am sorry I didn't connect with other host families that closely.......but I rest in knowing that our attention has been right where it needed to be these last three weeks....on Ruslan.
Ruslan is a wonderful little boy, whose heart carries a heavy burden. He is sensitive and puts up a facade to keep others at a distance. He has severe language delays, and is likely dealing with other developmental issues as well. He doesn’t fare well in the orphanage because he is so different. He lacks social awareness, self confidence and impulse control. But his heart is so full of love, and he has such a tender soul. He is loving, and fun, and has a great sense of humor. He is kind and gentle with Mason, and has opened up and learned to share and play cooperatively. They giggle and shriek and hide and seek and play like brothers. He is also very bright, despite what first impressions might leave people thinking.
The Lord has a way of answering prayer....and tonight that answer was bittersweet. My uneasiness about how to say goodbye to Ruslan was both stirred and calmed at once. Tonight, we were in Ruslan's room getting ready for bed. In his short time here, Ruslan has collected trinkets and treasures (happy meal toys from his travel here, fliers and business cards, art projects from camp, crayons, matchbox cars, etc.) He keeps these all neatly laid out on the table next to his bed. He has been reveling in having belongings of his own, with space to store them.
We had a normal evening….dinner, and then a little Wipeout (you know, "educational" TV) Ruslan and Mason played in their “fort” (made with two soccer goals and a blanket!) We all went upstairs to get ready for bed. It started with a box of stickers that Ruslan held up, and said, “zaftra”…..which means tomorrow in Russian. He then set them on the table in his room to play with tomorrow. I assumed he meant that it was bedtime now, but he would play with them tomorrow. He had some puzzle pieces in a sandwich size ziploc bag. Out of nowhere, he started cleaning up all of his toys and "treasures". He was leaving those stickers out for tomorrow, but the rest was getting packed! I watched as he methodically picked up each item and surveyed it. Some went in to his ziploc bag, and some he gave to me, gesturing that I should keep them.
He pulled out the backpack that he got off the plane with when he arrived, and my eyes just welled with tears. It occurred to me that he was packing. Packing to leave, preparing, and putting his belongings through a triage of sorts. The really special ones (like his new stickers and sketch pad, Bill’s Cary Fire Department hat, a firetruck matchbox car-Ruslan has said he wants to be a fireman like Bill when he grows up-) made it into the Ziploc, or the backpack if too big. All of the Noah’s ark animals he made in camp were given to me…except the zebra! The cross sand art he made was given to me…..an embroidered hankerchief he came with was given to me (though I tucked that one back in the bag…unsure if it might have belonged to a chaperone).
I knew in an instant that someone had reminded him that he would be leaving soon. And I was instantly relieved….and saddened. I was glad not to be the one to tell him that it was soon time to leave, but I hadn’t prepared for this so soon…but God’s timing is perfect! As my eyes grew wet with fat tears that inevitably streamed down my cheeks, this brave little boy continued to pack up his belongings. He was matter of fact, a man on a mission, and with every toy that went in the bag, or in my hands, my heart broke a little more. For every item that had been “his” while he was here, he would ask permission to pack it, or to give it to me. When I affirmed him, his face just beamed.
It broke my heart to think of these things…HIS things….being shared with so many children and lost in the shuffle…nothing really “belonging” to one or the other. Kids will be kids, and I thought of his dear treasures getting broken or taken or lost. He pointed to his laundry pile and raised his arms in the air as if to say, “What do we do about these…I need to pack them but they are dirty?” I told him we could wash them “zaftra”. He was pleased with that, and then began to empty out his little dresser, gesturing to see if he could take the clothing home with him. I told him he could, and he was so excited! (You may remember he came with one pair of socks and tennis shoes, a sweatshirt, swim trunks that were too small, and an airline magazine!) He counted how many extra socks he was leaving with and placed them in the bag. He gestured that the sweatshirt was to keep him warm on the plane and put that in the bag. He found a long sleeve dress shirt, a polo shirt and a long sleeve knit shirt that he never wore while here. He was so excited that they still had the tags on them, and he carefully folded and packed them.
When he saw my tears, he remained brave….saying only “Mama” and then gesturing tears down his cheeks with his two index fingers. I used the translator to ask why he was packing things (I didn’t want to assume he knew something he didn’t….he has a natural tendency to load items into any bag, case or compartment he can find so I just wanted to be sure what I sensed was accurate.) He pointed to himself and then gestured his hand through the air like an airplane. Then he said “Bill?” and pointed out the window (indicating where Bill was at work) and then gestured crying. He wanted to know if Bill was at work, also feeling sad that Ruslan was leaving. I reminded Ruslan that we love him, and that when you have to say goodbye to someone you love, it is ok to feel sad. I asked him if he was sad, and he bravely responded “no” and when on packing……for a minute, then he turned back to me and nodded a teary-eyed “yes”. He crawled in to his bed and hid his face.
I told him it’s ok to be sad, and that he didn’t have to hide from me. I reminded him that it is hard to say goodbye to someone you love. He sat up, and folded himself into my arms, and just sobbed big sobs. I just held him, this broken little boy, and let him sob. And I sobbed too.
I reminded him that he is our friend….that we love him….that he is smart and strong and brave. That he is handsome and good. That he will grow up and do great things. I told him that people can rip his paper, break his toys, take his things, hurt him, etc. but they can never take away our love for him, or the memories in his heart. He then drew a heart shape over his chest. I told him if he is at the orphanage and people are hurting him, or his things, he can just remember that his memories and the love in his heart are forever. He then gestures as if someone is hitting him, and then he waves them away in dismissal as if it doesn’t matter and traces a heart over his chest.
I told him through the translator that I know it is hard for him to be at the orphanage. He nodded yes, and continued to cry. I explained that sometimes God brings us through hard times so that we can grow stronger. I told him if he is ever feeling sad at the orphanage, he can hug his pillow and think of us, and we’ll be hugging ours too. He demonstrated on his pillow with a grip so tight it seemed he was holding on for dear life…..and I knew, in fact, that he was.
I told him he could write us a letter. He got up and got a book off of our bookshelf, then pointed to himself, shook his head no, and pointed to the words in the book. He was telling me he can’t write/understand English. I told him it would be okay to write in Russian, and my friend would help me read it. He then found a CD player, and put in a lullaby CD. He curled up on the floor and put his head in my lap. We talked for a bit more, he said “I love you” a few times into the translator, and then he climbed in his bed, curled up and fell asleep.
My heart aches for this little boy, thrown away at birth, lacking in the simple pleasures of childhood….someone to hold him and rock him as an infant, someone to help him with his language development, to feed his self esteem, to encourage his spiritual growth, to tuck him in at night, to be there for him when he is afraid, or sad, or sick.
I know there are children all over the world…all over America…all over Raleigh in similar situations…..and I know you can’t save the world. But I also know we are called to care for widows and orphans, and I know I can’t deny the light and the hope and the promise that we see in this little boy.
We are so blessed, and so thankful to have shared our hearts and our home with him.
Music To My Ears!
August 8, 8:08pm- Listening to Mason and Ruslan sing "I love you no matter what....." in sing-song voices over and over again from the back seat...I am so blessed!
Raffle!
August 2, 2:07pm- 12 days left to get raffle tix for 1 hr. massage at Massage Envy. $10 each-100% of proceeds to Ruslan's adoption fund. THANKFUL for God's provision thus far, for those who are praying, & for the generous hearts of the 2 people who each offered $1,000 toward adoption. With such sacrificial generosity (be it $5, $20 or $1,000) we can forever change the course of this little boy's life. He deserves a chance.
Reflection
July 29, 10:24pm- After meeting and learning about this little boy, I can honestly say without reservation that getting him adopted will save his life. Won't you please consider purchasing a raffle ticket for a 1 hour massage at Massage Envy? $10 each- 100% of the proceeds go to support Ruslan and build his adoption fund. Massage not your thing? Feel free to make a donation directly to Redline United. His future depends on it.
Speechless
July 29, 10:14am- My world has been rocked by this orphan hosting experience. For those of you that have been following, I apologize that I haven't updated...there are just no words.
Ruslan Has Arrived!
Sunday, July 24, 2011 at 10:31pm- So we converted our spare room, scrapbooking nook, storage area, etc. in to a room for Ruslan while he is here. Really, that just means we straightened it up, added a borrowed twin bed with a kid friendly construction themed comforter (thanks Michelle for the sheets!) and a city themed play rug to drive his new matchbox cars on.
But to see that little boy beam when he got here, you would think it was a luxury hotel! He is so excited! He keeps the backpack he carried from the Ukraine (that carried only a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of swim trunks that are too small, as well as the Sky mall magazine and fliers from the airplane and a happy meal toy) tucked safely next to his bed, he sleeps with a notebook and pen tucked under his pillow, and he writes occasionally in it. He takes pride in his few belongings and carefully puts them away.
He is tender, and silly, and playful and curious. He is painfully shy around strangers but faithfully attached to those he gets to know. His speech is clearly impeded by his cleft, but it doesn't stop him from talking to us! He can count to 11 in English, he says "What's your name? My name is Ruslan", and this morning it really sounded like he asked "where's Bill?" He says "OK" and "thank you" and lots of Russian that we can't understand!!! I can only imagine what we sound like to him! He seems very bright, and makes connections easily. He seems to have a good memory, and a great sense of humor! He likes to do slapstick comedy, and hide behind a door to surprise you when you walk in a room.
Ruslan was nervous at the airport last night, crying and clinging to his caregiver at one point. But, he was much better after hearing about his room at our house, and getting to try out our camera!!! He held on in the car like he was expecting it to take off just as the airplane did! He was amazed with the power windows in the car! He rode all the way home with his hand out in the breeze, fighting the sleep that was beckoning him. What must a newly 9 year old boy think as he leaves his fellow orphans and caregivers behind, drives to an unknown destination in the dark with strangers he doesn't even know if he can trust, a million miles from what he knows as "home"...after an overnight train ride, and two connecting flights with other orphans and caregivers....yes, a family of sorts, but definitely not the type of family most 9 year olds would make such an extensive journey with. What a brave boy!
After checking out his room, delighting in a donated backpack full of clothes, hygiene items and a few small toys, taking a much needed (and much celebrated)bubble bath and a late night snack of cucumbers and ranch, he slept soundly through the night until 11:15 this morning! He is exceptionally curious and would like to know what is in every drawer, cabinet, compartment, etc.
He eats like a champ, and drinks reservoirs at a time! He frequently gives a "thumbs up" to note his approval of something, and is also often seen flashing a peace sign! His face and gestures to let you know he is full, or doesn't like something, or doesn't want anymore are too hilarious. Both hands held up to keep the offending item at bay, a look of disgust on his face, and then pointing to you as if to say "you eat it!"
I practiced the ulltimate in restraint today when two little girls in McDonald's kept calling Ruslan a "weirdo" and were running away from him. So proud of Mason who stuck up for him. Ruslan would climb to the highest point in the play structure and wave and blow kisses. He, thankfully, was oblivious to the cruelty of the other children, and just thought they were playing. A great lesson for Mason to remind him not to judge others by their appearance or other superficial factors, and also a great reminder that when people don't understand or see someone that is different, they can sometimes be intolerant, and that we should try to remember not to be that way. A lesson most adults can use too!
I am exhausted tonight! Great day today filled with laughter and fun! He is too sweet! He wrote in his notebook today "Mama, Papa".......and has been calling me Mom since he got here, though I keep reminding him my name is Karen! Just heartbreaking! Favorite saying: "Mom, watch me!" Favorite foods: strawberries and cucumbers (not together!) Favorite things: a bubble bath!!!, taking pictures (especially joyous when he can capture random people in his photos!!), his blanket and glow bracelets (both used every night at bedtime!) from Redline United, warm clothes right out of the dryer, his happy meal music player toys, a dancing Santa Claus he found in the closet of our spare room that sings, "I like to move it move it!" (which he also now sings in perfect English, in harmony with Mason, while dancing about!), the photos of the other orphans who are being hosted, any photo of himself, and the photo of all four of us at the airport when he arrived. I'll be posting photos soon.........God is so good, and we are blessed to have this little boy in our home.
But to see that little boy beam when he got here, you would think it was a luxury hotel! He is so excited! He keeps the backpack he carried from the Ukraine (that carried only a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of swim trunks that are too small, as well as the Sky mall magazine and fliers from the airplane and a happy meal toy) tucked safely next to his bed, he sleeps with a notebook and pen tucked under his pillow, and he writes occasionally in it. He takes pride in his few belongings and carefully puts them away.
He is tender, and silly, and playful and curious. He is painfully shy around strangers but faithfully attached to those he gets to know. His speech is clearly impeded by his cleft, but it doesn't stop him from talking to us! He can count to 11 in English, he says "What's your name? My name is Ruslan", and this morning it really sounded like he asked "where's Bill?" He says "OK" and "thank you" and lots of Russian that we can't understand!!! I can only imagine what we sound like to him! He seems very bright, and makes connections easily. He seems to have a good memory, and a great sense of humor! He likes to do slapstick comedy, and hide behind a door to surprise you when you walk in a room.
Ruslan was nervous at the airport last night, crying and clinging to his caregiver at one point. But, he was much better after hearing about his room at our house, and getting to try out our camera!!! He held on in the car like he was expecting it to take off just as the airplane did! He was amazed with the power windows in the car! He rode all the way home with his hand out in the breeze, fighting the sleep that was beckoning him. What must a newly 9 year old boy think as he leaves his fellow orphans and caregivers behind, drives to an unknown destination in the dark with strangers he doesn't even know if he can trust, a million miles from what he knows as "home"...after an overnight train ride, and two connecting flights with other orphans and caregivers....yes, a family of sorts, but definitely not the type of family most 9 year olds would make such an extensive journey with. What a brave boy!
After checking out his room, delighting in a donated backpack full of clothes, hygiene items and a few small toys, taking a much needed (and much celebrated)bubble bath and a late night snack of cucumbers and ranch, he slept soundly through the night until 11:15 this morning! He is exceptionally curious and would like to know what is in every drawer, cabinet, compartment, etc.
He eats like a champ, and drinks reservoirs at a time! He frequently gives a "thumbs up" to note his approval of something, and is also often seen flashing a peace sign! His face and gestures to let you know he is full, or doesn't like something, or doesn't want anymore are too hilarious. Both hands held up to keep the offending item at bay, a look of disgust on his face, and then pointing to you as if to say "you eat it!"
I practiced the ulltimate in restraint today when two little girls in McDonald's kept calling Ruslan a "weirdo" and were running away from him. So proud of Mason who stuck up for him. Ruslan would climb to the highest point in the play structure and wave and blow kisses. He, thankfully, was oblivious to the cruelty of the other children, and just thought they were playing. A great lesson for Mason to remind him not to judge others by their appearance or other superficial factors, and also a great reminder that when people don't understand or see someone that is different, they can sometimes be intolerant, and that we should try to remember not to be that way. A lesson most adults can use too!
I am exhausted tonight! Great day today filled with laughter and fun! He is too sweet! He wrote in his notebook today "Mama, Papa".......and has been calling me Mom since he got here, though I keep reminding him my name is Karen! Just heartbreaking! Favorite saying: "Mom, watch me!" Favorite foods: strawberries and cucumbers (not together!) Favorite things: a bubble bath!!!, taking pictures (especially joyous when he can capture random people in his photos!!), his blanket and glow bracelets (both used every night at bedtime!) from Redline United, warm clothes right out of the dryer, his happy meal music player toys, a dancing Santa Claus he found in the closet of our spare room that sings, "I like to move it move it!" (which he also now sings in perfect English, in harmony with Mason, while dancing about!), the photos of the other orphans who are being hosted, any photo of himself, and the photo of all four of us at the airport when he arrived. I'll be posting photos soon.........God is so good, and we are blessed to have this little boy in our home.
Arrival Day Notes!
July 23 9:40am---- Just a few hours ago the kids were boarding in Kiev. They are very excited about their first plane flight AND that they got to go to McDonald's for lunch. :) Can't wait!!!
July 23 10:15pm---- leaving with the family to pick up Ruslan. So excited, and a little nervous!
July 23 10:15pm---- leaving with the family to pick up Ruslan. So excited, and a little nervous!
On Another Note.....
by Karen Kochies on Saturday, July 23, 2011 at 12:56am
The fact that so many people have been willing to pray, to donate items, and to open their bank accounts in efforts to support Redline United, Ruslan and us is both humbling and overwhelming. I can't be clear enough in saying that if it weren't for all of those people, and each of those pennies and prayers, this opportunity wouldn't be a possibility for our family. We simply can't thank those people enough.
Additionally, we met a family last night at our hosting meeting, and they are looking in to connecting with a physician who might be able to look at Ruslan and evaluate how extensive his cleft is and what types of surgeries or procedures might be available to help him feel more confident and comfortable.
We also met an orphan from last year's hosting program, who came from the same orphanage as Ruslan and knows him, as well as a family who met Ruslan while they were in the Ukraine to adopt the child they hosted.
We are so humbled to be a vessel fro what God will do in and through this ministry.
“True religion is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
—James 1:27
Counting the hours!!!!
by Karen Kochies on Friday, July 22
Please pray for safe travels for the Ukrainian orphans who left at 7am our time to embark on an overnight train ride. They will be coming in to RDU late tomorrow night, and Ruslan will be waking up at our house on Sunday morning. So excited, and praying that we can share truth, light and love.
We're still selling $10 raffle tickets to fund Ruslan's adoption and support Redline United. You could win a one hour massage at Massage Envy and support a great cause! Also looking for a twin size waterproof mattress cover and twin size sheets to borrow. So thankful for those who've offered prayer, support and clothing/personal hygiene items. Your gifts will never be forgotten and your prayers mean more than you know. Thank you for helping us so greatly impact the life of a little boy who needs a chance.
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