The Longest Blog Post Ever!

We are really loving spending time with Ruslan each day.  He was much more at ease with the other children coming outside today.  He actually sought a couple of them out, and was not concerned over leaving his belongings out, etc.  He did have an emotional moment today though, when we were playing frisbee.  We were playing a game where we would trick someone and pretend to throw it at them, but at the last minute throw it to someone else.  This just cracks Ruslan up, and he particularly loves tricking Papa!

Bill threw the frisbee to me, and as soon as I caught it I quickly turned to throw it to Ruslan.  In my haste, and not realizing Ruslan had moved closer to me, my throw was aimed poorly and the frisbee accidentally caught the side of his cheek on the way by.  There was no mark, but he immediately crouched down and hid his face.  Of course, I apologized right away and went over to him, and saw that he was crying big tears.  I crouched down with him, explaining it was an accident, and I would never intentionally hurt him.  I explained that Papa threw the frisbee to me, and I went too fast and tried to throw it to him, and that it was an accident and I was very sorry.  I rubbed his cheek gently and told him I would never hit him or hurt him.  He then was able to wipe his eyes and hold my hand, and go to sit at the picnic table with me.  He climbed in to my lap, and curled up with his head on my shoulder.  And my heart just broke again for this boy.  Ten years old chronologically, but with a lifetime of healing to do, and a legacy of missed developmental milestones to connect and repair.  And so many emotions right now.  Plucked from his usual orphanage building and put in to a new group of children and caregivers...so excited to have us here, but having to say goodbye every day.  Excited to go home to America, but also sad, I am sure, to leave the only life he's known behind.  Probably a little anxious and nervous too, and a whole lot excited! What an emotional roller coaster for this little boy.  Praying that the Lord continues to watch over him and bring him peace.

He was soon giggling again, and back to his old self, and really wanting to walk around shooting pictures of everyone and everything!  (He holds the camera up, and gleefully exclaims "paparazzi"!)This child loves beautiful things...when he spots them, he oooohhs and aaahhhhhs, and wants to immediately capture them on film. 

He saw a car parked outside the orphanage fence, and asked me if he would be able to go in a car when we get to America!  (When he got in our car this past summer, I think it was his first car ride.  He was holding on in the car, thinking it was going to take off like an airplane!)  I told him we could, and he was so excited!  I told him he would be able to brush his teeth, and take a bubble bath....and he finished my sentence by saying "pizza" and rubbing his belly!  He is really looking forward to having pizza in America.  (We were told we aren't allowed to bring him pizza in the orphanage anymore, because they aren't allowed to eat food from "unapproved sources" and that if he came down with a stomach bug because of it, we would be to blame.) 

At one point, Bill had his bag open, and Ruslan saw our passports.  He was interested in them, and wanted to see the pictures....asking if the signatures on them were our names.  My driver's license was in my passport, and he was really excited about that when he learned it meant I could drive a car!  I told him that our facilitator would be getting him a passport too so he could come to America with us.  He was all smiles, and so happy.  Then he asked if he could get a driver's license too!  Slow down there buddy, a few more years!!!!

While we are loving each moment of getting to visit with Ruslan, we are also aching to get back home.  It's a long time to be away, and we were kind of discouraged to learn this week that we won't be making our original itinerary back home.  WE HAVEN'T BROKEN THIS NEWS TO MASON YET, so if you run in to him, please don't be the one to drop the bomb! Waiting to see how things flesh out with our court date...we should know better by about Thursday of this week. (But our facilitator said it is definite we won't be making the 10th!)  Latest estimates are an optimistic June 15th for me, but could be as late as June 18th. Bill could be July 4th or 5th.

Prayers appreciated for a smooth process paperwork wise from here on out! Hoping things might go quicker as getting more time off of work (especially for Bill), finding someone to watch the dogs when our current dogsitter has to leave, losing a week of transition time for Ruslan before school starts on July 9 and a week of maternity time to be with him once we're home, extending our childcare, paying for the additional time in country, dealing with homesickness, changing our flights, missing Mason's birthday and end of the year school events, etc. are all very tricky! Could definitely be worse, and we are grateful for the many blessings and the hard work our facilitator is doing. It's just a loooooong time to be away! 

We were brave while the facilitator was here breaking the news, but we both just melted in tears when he left.  Mason has been counting down the days and marking his calendar, so neither one of us is looking forward to breaking the news to him.  It's hard with his birthday this month, his last soccer game, his first lost tooth, his end of the year school events including an award ceremony he will be recognized in, and at least one (sometimes both) of us will be missing most of these! And then for Ruslan, losing a week of transition time before school feels like a huge setback!  This journey is emotional to say the least!  We just keep trying to remind ourselves this will be in His time, and according to His perfect plan.

I know these all seem like silly things, and well meaning people tell us in six months from now it will all be a distant memory....and Mason will be fine....and it's worth it to bring Ruslan home....and all those things are very much true.  But it doesn't make it any easier in the moment!  We miss our son, the rest of our family, our friends, our jobs, etc. and being somewhere where you don't speak (or read, or write!) the language can be kind of isolating! Thankfully we have each other, and we've been grateful for lots of time together to connect with no child, no dogs, no work demands, no schedules to adhere to! 

We are going to visit the church near the market tomorrow, so we are looking forward to that.  It's definitely no Pastor Mike, and we KNOW it won't be the same as the sex sermon we're missing this weekend (those of you Hope attendees know what I'm talkin' about!) but at least it's church.  And though we won't understand a word, I know we'll be filled and we're looking forward to worshipping with others and praising Him for all the blessings He has given.  He has so clearly been an integral part of this journey.  And at a time when emotions are high, we want to just be still, and know that he is God!

We are so thankful for the village of people at home, praying, encouraging, laughing and crying along with us, supporting, caring for our pets, welcoming our son in to their home as their own, mowing (and tilling, I might add!!!!), taking care of the school photos I forgot to send in, the bill payments that needed to go out, and so much more.  We are humbled and grateful for the amazing way you have all rallied behind us, and most importantly behind this little boy.  Seeing and spending time with Ruslan, there has been a definite confirmation that this is the path God would have us on.  How amazing that in the process he brought many new relationships in to our lives, and some people that were already in our lives to the forefront. 

We are so grateful that this is the child the Lord has chosen for us.  Because he needs a hero.  He needs a Saviour.  He needs healing, hope and love.  And so much more.  And we won't be able to give him any of that, but through the strength of our God.  And the awesome community of people who have shown our family....this boy...more love than he has ever known in his entire ten years of existence.  I don't think I can adequately illustrate how your pennies, dimes and dollars....your prayers...everything...have made a lasting, lifelong impact on this child.  And a tremendous kingdom impact in those who have watched this story unfold.  And are now believing in a God they might have questioned before.  Or are willing to step out in faith in some area of their life and be bold.  Or are simply drawn closer to God, or willing to ask questions...or who knows what the eternal impact will be.  All I know, is we are humbled to be a part of it.

This little boy is resilient (thanks for that word, Shelly!)  He has endured more than I think I would be able to, truthfully.  We spend mere hours in the orphanage each day, and we leave with heavy hearts. I can't imagine being confined there every day, all day, for ten years.  He has been cast away, ridiculed, rejected, abused, isolated, and more.  And yet he is thoughtful, funny and smart.  He smiles the brightest smile, laughs the heartiest laugh, would give away his only crumb of bread, and has a heart as sweet as can be.  And I just don't know how.  I am so thankful for that preservation of his heart.  For the fact that God was watching over him ten years ago when he was left behind by the very woman who gave him life. (Thank God she chose to give him life!)  Throughout the first year of his life when he laid in that hospital alone, without anyone to visit him, love him, nurture him.  Through three surgeries as a child, through two orphanage homes and a visit to the mental institution.  Through traumas I can't even pretend to know the depth of.  Right up through his trip to our home last summer.  And every day since, keeping a kernel of hope alive in him, and a hedge of protection around him. 

I suppose now is as good of a time as any to share the name we decided on for him.  It is , on paper at least, Daniel Ruslan Kochies.  But, we will definitely not be forcing that change, nor will we be addressing it right away!  If he chooses to go by Ruslan for all of his days, that is fine with us!  If he chooses to take on Daniel as his name, that is fine with us too.  But after much thought, prayer and consideration we decided to give him a new first name, for many reasons, and Daniel seemed very fitting.  I'll try to share why, but I am no theologian or Biblical expert...just some things that spoke to us from reading in and about Daniel. I've quoted some excerpts that really spoke to me as well. 

"In Daniel 2:1-23, King Nebucchanezer had a God-given dream that shook him to his core.  When God causes extreme things to happen, it is so He can act extremely.  God sometimes allows things to happen in our lives that are completely out of our control, as it was to become for Daniel, so that God HAS to act! And then God, and only God, can get the glory."  We feel very much that this extreme journey was nothing but God planting a seed in our hearts, and we definitely give ALL the glory to God.  With him all things are possible.  His presence and provision in this journey are evident beyond measure.

Daniel 2:18-19  "Then Daniel returned to his house and explained the matter to his friends..... He urged them to plead for mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that he and his friends might not be executed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon. During the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision."

There is no doubt that we need prayer, we need each other, and we need to be praying for each other! It is so important to make sure you have people around you that you can ask to pray in times of trial, and praise along with you in the good times. Daniel did. And to make sure to take things to the Lord instead of stewing on them for a while!  This was, and still is, a huge lesson for us.  That we need to be comfortable asking for help...asking for prayer...and constantly surrendering to God and giving it all to Him. 

Daniel 2:19-23 and Job 12:13-23 talk of the Lord knowing what lies in the darkness, and bringing shadows in to the light.  What we would consider to be darkness is still light to the Lord.  He makes beautiful things.  And I know despite the dark days Ruslan has endured, there is much light ahead.

Daniel 3:19-29  King Nebuchadnezzar orders Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in to the blazing furnace.  They are unscathed, except the ropes that bind them.  Sometimes God uses trials to free us from the things that bind us.  Sometimes we experience God the most in the midst of "fiery" ordeals.  I pray that the ordeals Ruslan has endured will serve to reveal God's unfailing love and faithfulness for him, when he becomes aware of how the Lord worked in the hearts of so many to free him from what was binding him.  Nebuchadnezzar got to see that with God, you can go through fire and not be burned.  We can't ever underestimate God's desire to witness to others when we go through trials.  I hope Ruslan will some day see that this trying time in his life is a part of him, but it does not define him.  And who knows, it may equip him in some way to witness to others....what a testimony he will have.

And then of course there's the tale of Daniel and the Lion's den in Daniel 6.  And the fact that God delivered Daniel from that fate.  And He has been with Ruslan through every trial, dark time and pit that he has faced thus far.  And he will deliver Ruslan from the lion's that threaten him during this healing journey as well!

No doubt the apostle Paul had this in mind when he wrote:

At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them.  But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. (2 Tim 4:16-17)

This makes me think of Ruslan...because at first, no one was supporting him, and everyone had deserted him.  And we pray there is peace in his mother's heart, and we try not to judge her.  And when he was deserted, the Lord stood by his side...it is clear the Lord gave him strength, and his journey has certainly been an amazing testimony.  And he is delivered- in to the loving arms of a family, and a future bright with hope. Our Daniel Ruslan.

Finding Beauty

Here are some photos Ruslan took today.....I especially love the yellow flower, and we plan to frame it for our home.  We look at these pictures, and we are just amazed that this little boy can find and appreciate beauty in a world that has been dark and ugly to him.  I see the greatness God has for this boy, and I am in awe of the way He has been watching over and protecting Ruslan.  This little boy is among the blessings I am counting tonight.

                                                                                  

  



                                                                                                       

       

The Vice Mayor, and How To Share!

Today was a pretty busy day, relatively speaking! It's been beginning to feel a little like Groundhog day here, so it was nice to have the change in routine!  We went this morning to the Notary (in our facilitator's sweet Infiniti, which is a far cry from the beloved red van we've been traveling in!).  After the notary, we went to the Inspector for the facilitator to get something with the paperwork done.  He came out and we walked over to the Vice Mayor's office.  There we had our hearing for advisability of adoption.  The Vice Mayor asked us several questions....I think I am remembering most of them:

Are you aware of his medical history, and do you want further medical evaluations done?
Do you have a child of your own?
Do you have any ties to Ukraine and why have you decided to adopt from Ukraine?
He is older, and aware of the fact that he is being adopted.  If he wants to come back to visit one day, will you support that.  How will you maintain his Ukrainian heritage?
How has your experience been with the officials, orphanage workers, etc.?

Of course, we shared how efficient and organized all the officials have been with the paperwork, and how welcoming the orphanage staff have been, including the orphanage Director.  To this, the Vice Mayor was making a joke and said, "So, you probably want to stay here?" (meaning stay in Ukraine permanently.)  Bill thought she meant during the ten day waiting period so he answered, deadpan serious, "Yes, I would like to."......<insert awkward silence here!>.....so I thought quickly and turned it into a joke of sorts.  I sort of chuckled and said, "We'd love to....if it wasn't for our son back home, but he might have other ideas!"   So everyone chuckled then, and it seemed to lighten things up a bit.  Too funny!

The Vice Mayor said it seemed like we had been working hard to prepare for the adoption, and that it seems we have a loving family and Ruslan would fit nicely there.  She explained she would be signing the advisability for adoption in our favor.  YAY!  (I am sure they say those nice things to everyone, but our facilitator did say that another family did not receive a favorable advisability, so I am glad things went well!)

Then we went to the orphanage, where we got to spend some time with Ruslan.  He was so happy to see us again, and of course had his snack of a banana, granola bar and juice!  We started out inside for a while, coloring (the other kids had ripped up his crayon box, and broken some crayons, so they were loose today, and kind of a mess!) and using the watercolor paints.  Then we went outside, and Ruslan was getting set up to do some watercolor painting.  Several children came over, and were interested in what we were doing.  I gave them some paper to color on, and greeted them.  Ruslan was getting jealous that the other children were around, and walked away from us upset.  I went to follow him, and he was hiding under a bench, crying.  I rubbed his back and explained that we love him, that we are bringing him home to America with us....HIM.  I explained that we need to be kind to the other children because that is polite.  I explained that if we use up the paper, we can get more.  He wiped his tears then, and went back to the table.  Still more children came around, and Ruslan got upset again.....he stormed off and sat on the bottom of the slide crying. 

It would have been easier to just gather up our things, and go back off to isolation somewhere.  And maybe that really was the right thing to do.  But I felt there was really a teachable moment where we could solidify our love for him and plant that confirmation in his heart.  It was also good for the other children to see that he was hurting and needed some compassion, for him to see the importance of being kind, and for him to see that we are still there to visit and spend time with HIM, even if we have conversations and visit with the other children. 

So I sat next to him at the bottom of the slide, and rubbed his back.  Another little boy came over, and told me his name.  I told him my name, and gestured that Ruslan was sad.  The little boy crouched down in front of Ruslan at the slide, and was talking gently to him in Russian.  Slowly, Ruslan's tears subsided....and he climbed up to the top of the slide.  The little boy at the bottom rolled the ball up the slide to Ruslan. The first few times Ruslan let the ball roll back down, and was still sad...I explained that the little boy wanted to be his friend and play, and with some grand gesturing encouraged the little boy to roll the ball really fast!  The ball sped up the slide, and a smile almost escaped Ruslan's face and then faded.  Almost as if he wanted to have fun, but was afraid to trust.  A couple more tentative rolls, and Ruslan slowly started to open up.  He played several rounds of catch like this with the little boy.  Then he gestured over to the table, as if to say "but look, they are all using the paper."  I told him it was okay, and asked if he wanted to go back over.  He did, so we went back to the table.  Here, Ruslan took out a board game, and wanted to play.  There were four pawns, so I explained he could invite three other friends to play with him.  Well, he was willing to invite one...and then used a third pawn for me, and that was all he was willing to concede.  I say that is a victory, albeit a small one!  We praised him for sharing, and being a friend.

They played a few rounds before their attention shifted to the see-saw.  They climbed on together and rode a few times, and then Ruslan snapped pictures of his friend standing and balancing on the see-saw.  It was very cute to see the interaction, and to watch Ruslan opening up and allowing someone to be his friend. 

We played frisbee with a few of the children, and Ruslan was at first very possessive and only wanted to throw it to us, and vice versa.  But as he saw that the other children would throw it to him as well, he loosened up and let others play.  We could see gradually that his comfort level with letting others in was growing.The teacher came over when she saw the mob of children, and ushered them away.  She told Ruslan he could pick someone to play with him, so Ruslan picked a little boy.  A little girl was just standing and staring, so I invited her to play.  She burst in to tears, and it wasn't until then that I realized she was told she had to stay away to give us space.  But, I couldn't bear to watch her stand there staring, wishing she could join in the fun.  So I told her it would be okay to come and play.  She immediately wiped her eyes, and was so excited!  At one point in the game, Bill asked her if she wanted to switch places (putting her closer to me) but she said no, indicating that she wanted to stand next to "Papa".  (The kids all called us "Mama" and "Papa" and were all clamoring for us to notice, interact and/or play with them.) 

What could easily look on the outside to be bratty, selfish behavior, we see as a survival mechanism.  We noticed it last summer too.  With strangers at the park, or the Chick-Fil-A climber, he would laugh and play and interact with no problems at all.  With Mason, he would share and be gentle and kind.  But any time he was around the orphanage children, he would shut them out, without question.  It's like he turns them away before they have a chance to turn him away.  Or he is responding in a learned way based on previous experiences, even though they might not apply in that instant.  And it also seems he may be concerned that we end up choosing another child if we get to know them.  And that it's the first time in his life someone has paid him unconditional, undivided attention, and he wants to eat it all up!

To top it all off, one of the children accidentally lost the frisbee on top of the shelter on the playground.  Ruslan was pretty bummed about that!  All of the children were begging Bill to pick them up on to the roof to go get the frisbee.  But not knowing the strength of the roof, and visualizing a child stuck after falling through, we opted to forgo that endeavor!

At one point, Bill went to talk with Ruslan, and Ruslan was waving him away, telling him to go.  Bill stayed, and explained to him that we are taking HIM home with us.  Not another child, but HIM.  Bill said he was talking in English, but that as he continued speaking Ruslan stopped waving him away and seemed to understand what he was saying.  He explained that we can be nice to the other children, and visit, but that HE is part of our family.  That we love him.

By the end of our visit, Ruslan had warmed up quite a bit!  He took the camera, and showed me how he could wrap it on his wrist so no one could get it.  (We were literally bombarded with kids at that point, all clamoring for attention and whatever else they could find, be it paper, crayons...or even a camera!)  Ruslan went around taking pictures of the playground, his friends, etc.  He was having fun!  Then he came over and gestured that he wanted to show his friend some pictures.  We told him it would be okay, so he and another little boy went under the shelter to look at photos together.  It was very cute!

We got called away from our orphanage visit early because we had to go back to the Inspector's office to sign some documents.  Ruslan was all smiles by the time we said goodbye, and even asked to keep the board game at the orphanage to play with friends (or A friend, as the case may be!)  And we were so grateful that he wanted to do that.  We'll see if the game is still intact tomorrow, but if not...it was money well spent because he was reaching out and interacting!  And tomorrow when we come back, I know it will be just a tiny bit easier for him to share us.  I know he will be tiny bit more sure that we aren't going to change our mind about him.  And I know he will have grown in connection with the other children in some very small way, because he is considering them less and less of a threat each day.

Ruslan walked out to the car with us to ask Sergei, our driver, if we would be back tomorrow.  Sergei said that we would, so he said a happy goodbye and was smiling and waving on his way back to the group!

I am thankful for the blessing of this child.  Thankful that the Lord has chosen us to exhibit patience, love, boundaries and grace.  And I pray that we will find a balance between them all.  And I know there will be days that I forget to be thankful for the blessing, and I am consumed by the burden.  I know there will be days that speaking truth and love in to this little boy will be more challenging than I can bear.  And I realize that must be exactly how God feels about me some days!  Yet He is faithful and patient with me, come what may.  And I know it will be times like those that I lean on the Lord, and rest in knowing He has chosen us for this task.  And that He has brought some amazing, wise men and women into our lives to help us navigate the waters.  And no one ever said it would be easy.  But it will definitely be worth it. 

Sharing with his friends!!!!

What the ????

So, yesterday we were having dinner in the "Wal-Mart" and there were music videos on the TV.  A new English song started up, and I was really only partially even listening to it...until I see the words "What The F$%#" in huge bright blue letters across the whole screen.  And even then, I am thinking I must now be hallucinating, and I look around to see if anyone else has noticed.  No one seems phased!  So I think it was probably just one moment in the song, meant to shock.  I couldn't be more wrong....the words are repeated at least a dozen more times in the next minute or so, followed by "These people are crazy" in Spanish!  I should add, I was sitting right next to the children's climbing structure!  Talk about an education! Apparently it's a song by "Sak Noel" titled loco people, or something.  I must be getting old, as I couldn't believe that would be playing mid-day, in the middle of the store, with kids everywhere.  I am believing not many of them spoke English, but I am thinking they know at least a few choice words now!

We have loved being able to spend time with Ruslan.  It is so great to see his smile, and see the way he has grown attached to us again.  It truly feels like we never missed a beat, like we've been family all along.  His laugh is so contagious, and I love that he never hides his mouth or his face when he is around us.  He knows he can be comfortable, and we won't ridicule or judge him. 

The error on the paperwork that terminated Ruslan's birth mother's parental rights has been fixed.  Tomorrow we go to meet with the assistant mayor of Belgorod (the city where Ruslan's orphanage is) to finalize the advisability for adoption.  Once we have that, we can submit it to the State Department of Adoptions, and then we should hear about a court date.

We forgot to bring our bag with the snack and a juice to the orphanage with us today.  Ruslan was hopeful there would be something to eat, but he was so good about it when we didn't have anything.  We'll be sure to grab the snack bag before we leave tomorrow, as he really looks forward to that!

He did some watercolor painting today, and seems to really enjoy art.  He raced Bill and I around the little paved path at the orphanage, and we also played some frisbee again.  At one point, a group of children was walking by us as we were sitting on a bench on the playground.  I hear this little voice call out "Kirin......Kirin!" (Ruslan's last name).....I have my back to them, but I naively assume this little boy is wanting to say hi, so I encourage Ruslan to say hi to him.  As I turn to look I notice this little boy not more than 4 or 5, is clearly giving the middle finger, and is yelling something in Russian.  I am honestly shocked, and say an audible "wow!" (which is a lot better than the "What the *#$%" I wanted to say!!!)   I couldn't believe that such a little boy would even know that gesture, or have any good reason to use it toward Ruslan after he has only been there for a week!  Ruslan seemed saddened, and downcast, but he did say something back in Russian.  (It's probably better I don't know what it was!)  The orphanage caregiver watched this little boy giving Ruslan the middle finger all the way across the playground, listened to him yell what I am sure were not very nice words, and did nothing.  It was only after she heard my audible response and saw my face (that probably was plastered with disbelief!) that she finally said something to the boy.

A wise woman who has adopted two children from Ukraine, and is such an inspiration to me, said that one word to describe Ukraine is "resilient"....and that it's also a good word to describe our children.  And that is so true.  I am amazed at Ruslan's resilient heart, his sweet nature, his desire to share whatever little bit he has with those who love him.  I am amazed that this boy, who has endured so much in his ten years, is still joyful and able to love.  I can't wait to get him in to a healing, nurturing environment where he can blossom. 

I see how Ruslan clings to the few people that have shown him kindness.  He gave our driver, Sergei (who was listed earlier this week among the people Ruslan loves!) a huge hug!  Today, while Ruslan and I were walking together he asked out of nowhere, "Мама, где Саша?" (Mama, where's Sasha?)  Sasha is our facilitator, and he has been busy in Kiev getting it done! (He is on our paperwork like a rock star, and getting things in order so we can submit for a court date in time to keep to our flight itinerary!)  I see the way he clings to those who show him kindness, and I am glad that he still trusts.  That he is still open to receiving love.  And that this is the last month he will have to spend in the orphanage. 

He tried on his going home clothes earlier this week, and we explained they were for America (since he leaves the orphanage with nothing.)  He was just beaming with excitement, and carefully folded everything after trying it on.  We even got him a baseball cap that says "America" on it, and he is just delighted.  (He no longer wants to spell his name with the cyrillic alphabet, and has chosen on his own to write it using English letters!)  We also let him try on his clothes for court today (or at least what we have so far! Still looking for a shirt and pants!)  He was so handsome in his little vest, and tie...and he was so proud to be wearing the tie.  Bill had tied the tie quickly just to give an idea of what it would look like, and the back piece of the tie was longer than the front.  Ruslan started by threading the back piece through the loop on the back of the front piece, to see if that would help.  He is obviously concerned about the details of looking good!!!!!  He tried on his socks and fancy black dress shoes and was so excited walking around in them.  (He also pointed to his dirty, worn socks and gave a thumbs down!)  We looked up the word "court" and explained that these were to wear when we ask permission for him to go to America.  Again, all smiles and excitement.  And as he took each item off, he treated it like gold, carefully folding it and putting it away. 

We aren't sure if the orphanage will let him wear what we picked for court or not, but we want to be ready if they do.  Ruslan appreciates each item of clothing so much, and particularly loves dress clothes.  (He wanted to wear the long sleeve dress shirt that came in his backpack last summer so bad, even when it was 90 degrees outside!)  So we feel like a special day deserves special clothes, and that is sure to be the most special day of this little boy's life!

I am grateful for the art he is making, and I treasure each creation the same way I have treasured Mason's along the way.  I love the photos we've been taking (and I'll try to post some later!).  I wash and fold Ruslan's clothes as I did when we were preparing the nursery for Mason.  And I can't help but think of the re-birth that is happening for Ruslan.  That he may have been born ten years ago, but in essence, his history is just starting.  He will walk out of the orphanage with nothing.  Not any photos, not an article of clothing that he can call his own, not a sentimental trinket or item, not even a pair of shoes.  We have already started building memories....recording events, times and places....capturing photographs so that one day Ruslan can look back and remember.  And we pray that he might just look back on this crazy, goofy family with all it's quirks and imperfections, and all the giggles, laughs, tears, trials and triumphs we'll have through the years, and know that this was his family all along, and it just took us a little while to get to him!!!

They Found Hope

On this amazing journey, we found faith beyond faith, love beyond love, and hope beyond hope.  A coworker of Bill's wrote, performed and copyrighted a song to commemorate this journey.  The lyrics mean so much to us, and it will be a treasured keepsake.  We have a small gap to close in our fundraising efforts, and these CD's are on sale for $5.  They can be shipped, and they're a great reminder of the mountain God moved to get us to our little boy.  If you'd like one, or would like to help sell them, you can comment here or message me, and I'll make sure you get one!

Who Do You Love?

We had such a good visit with Ruslan again today.  When we showed up, everyone was in their underwear...which confused, surprised and bewildered us for a moment...but apparently, they all nap like that.  We waited in the hallway to allow privacy, and Ruslan then came to his little locker to get dressed -in the same clothes he's been wearing for the last two days. = (

We played more frisbee, and did some color by number today.  Ruslan was so proud that he could read and identify the colors without me having to color a little swatch of each one next to the numbers as I have been for the last two visits.  We brought him a granola bar and a big carton of apple juice today.  He actually kissed and hugged the carton of juice when he got it, and he kissed the granola bar too....that is a kid who loves to eat! 

We got some photos of some of the other children (in the younger class), and spent time playing a bit with them.  We also were sharing with them that God loves each of them, and it was so cute to see them just light up!  Two of the little ones had black eyes, one with a cut to go along with it.  It is hard on the heart to be immersed in the orphanage life, and it's amazing to see the heirarchy these kids seem to have formed all on their own.  There is much running around unsupervised, much fighting, and grabbing, and crying.  And more.  I'll just leave it at that.

Ruslan was a little jealous with the other children around, and he wanted our attention to be on him.  If I would look at or play with the other children, he would call my name to get me to focus on him....or sometimes just walk away feeling left out.  At one point, Bill lifted Ruslan in to the air and then the other children wanted a turn...Ruslan took Bill's arm and put it around him...as if to say, "This is my Papa!"  I explained as best I could that they are friends and that we have room to love them all!  Maybe he is worried we'll choose one of them instead...or maybe he is just relishing this one on one attention that he has been so starving for...or maybe he's just really glad it's HIS turn!  Whatever the reason, we understood it to be what it was....his own way of processing this new found adoration, the fact that he has parents for the first time in his life that love him, value him, and want to spend devoted, quality time with him....and the fact that he'll do whatever it takes to hold on to that!

We found some educational activity books at the store for $1, so we bought two.  They are in Russian, so I'll be using some of my down time to translate them so I know what skills they are asking him to do.  Then we can use our orphanage time to get a rough assessment of his skill set, and also keep him busy with fun activities.  We definitely didn't think about packing things to do in the orphanage, but realized quickly that would have been a good idea.  But, we've managed to find things here to bring, and it's been working well!
  
After our time together was drawing to an end, I could tell that he sensed it...he kept looking up in the direction of the driveway every time he heard the smallest noise.  When our driver finally did arrive, Ruslan was finishing up an art project.  He started to rush, and we explained that it was okay, and he could finish.  Our driver is so patient and kind with Ruslan...it makes me happy to let him see people that care about him.  When it was time to go back with his group, he got in line and was starting to go inside with them...then he ran back and asked "завтра?" (zahf-tra) which means "tomorrow?"....he was asking if we would be back tomorrow.  Yes my son...tomorrow...and the next day...and the next...and every day of the rest of your life!  Ruslan was listing off all the people he loves today....Mama, Papa, Mason, Sasha (our facilitator), and Sergei (our driver).  That's it.  Ten years old.  Those are the people he loves.  Counted on one hand.  And he's never spent more than three weeks with any of them. 

Emotions are high, and low, and high again.  And the time difference, and sleep schedule are tough....and a fellow blogger put a name to it all!  I cut and pasted an excerpt of her blog here.  Bethany, if you're reading this...I hope you see my sharing your work as the highest form of flattery that it is.  You hit the nail on the head with this one!

"...I thought I would revisit something that I want to coin the name for and then make a million dollars finding a cure for! I have come up with a name for the fatigue that struck us and the next family - we will see if everyone gets it - Chronic Adoption Fatigue Syndrome. At first we thought it was just jet lag, but rapidly realized that 4 weeks into the trip, jet lag should have resolved. I have a couple of theories - just bear with me.

1. Ukrainian Beds and Pillows - While there are many lovely things about Ukraine (the people, the food, the culture) there are a few things that you can do without, and chief among those are their beds and pillows. The mattresses are about on average 1/2 inch thick, just foam, and often lumpy. This is universal, whether it is an apartment, hotel, or anywhere. The pillows are dense, heavy, and the wrong shape - square, not rectangular. You might as well just pull up the nearest boulder for all the comfort they provide. This combination makes for bad quality sleep. You need about two hours to get 30 minutes of real sleep.

2. North Pole like almost 24 hour daylight - I know that Ukraine is north - but people, it is not above the arctic circle! Why does it get light at about 4 in the morning and stay light until 10? And we were there in April. Does the sun never set in the middle of summer? And with this known issue - why are there no black out drapes in the windows? Gauzy curtains might be beautiful blowing in the breeze, but do nothing to aid sleep when the sun's rays are burning holes in your retinas.

3. Emotions - No matter how prepared you are - these kids have the ability to just wring any staying power you have out of you. You will be assaulted on every level with emotions that you thought were behind you in your unstable teenage years! You will be frustrated, worried about money, in love, homesick, happy, and sad, all at the same time. At the same time you feel like you are stuck in a wormhole without any way to get out. You hear about a light at the end of the tunnel, but it doesn't feel like you will ever reach it.

4. Time zone trouble - You want to keep in touch with home, which means staying up late to try to catch them in the morning. Then you are tired and have down time during the day which lends itself to naps! Then you get in this weird sleep cycle that seems a few hours on and a few hours off. There really is no cure for this one, but it is a killer.

Well, I think this just about summarizes the Chronic Adoption Fatigue Syndrome. It doesn't go away when you get home, but after a week or so, it gets better. But you will find yourself going to bed earlier than you did before - I think this whole process actually ages you by a few years."

Mommy Wars!

Hi All!

Yesterday was another great day.  We spent some time at the orphanage with Ruslan, playing outside.  We brought him a slice of pizza and a juicebox that he devoured, and we played frisbee and a Russian board game.  I told him I didn't know how to play because I couldn't read the Russian directions, and he patted his chest with pride as if to say he would show me what to do!

He wouldn't eat the pizza, unless Bill and I each broke a piece off and had some too.  I had three shortbread cookies left in the package that I tried to give him, but he wanted to make sure Bill and I each ate one.  He is always looking to share what little he has with us, and that is just so amazing to me.  That after all that he has endured, he can be so loving and giving.  That he puts others first even though he is rarely, if ever, shown the same consideration.  I just love that little boy.

He was singing ABC's in English today, and practicing writing.  He is also learning colors and is having fun practicing his counting.  He loves it when we each count off a number and see how high we can go!

Today, I read a great blog post written by Kristen Howerton, and it is much more profound than anything I could write or share...so I'm going to copy it here.  There truly is only one "Mommy War" worth waging....love this!

"If you watch the trends of media, whether it be print, internet, or TV, you've probably noticed that every couple of months there is a new version of the "mommy wars" being played out. Last month's battle du jour was surrounding moms who work vs. moms who stay at home. Now, a firestorm has ignited over a provocative photo and article in TIME magazine about extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting.

These manufactured mommy wars are predictable because they tend to provoke strong reactions from mothers who feel judged, as well as mothers who want to feel superior for their choices. A litany of analysis, outrage and defensiveness usually follows. Women tear each other down, while the entity responsible for initiating the battle reaps the benefit (whether it be a hot debate on a talk show or a political playing card).

The insecurities of women surrounding their parenting choices are frequently pawns in the ratings game, and I think the most recent TIME magazine article and photo of a preschooler breastfeeding are intended to incite such a reaction.

I don't much care if you breastfed your kid until they started kindergarten or if you fed them formula from day one. I don't really care if you turned your infant car seat forward-facing prior to age 2, or if you homeschool, or if you send your kids to daycare while you go to work. Do you cosleep? Did you circumcise your son? I DON'T CARE. Do you "babywear"? Push your kid around in a stroller? Use a leash for your kid at Disneyland? Whatever. Good for you.

When it comes to issues of motherhood, there is one issue I care about: some kids don't have one. All of these petty wars about the choices of capable, loving mothers is just a lot of white noise to me, Quite honestly, I'm often astonished at the non-essential parenting issues I see moms getting upset about. Particularly when there are so many kids in this world not being parented at all.
This is the only mommy war I'll wage. I'm confident that most mothers are doing the best that they can for their kids, even if their choices are different than mine. I think it's ridiculous that so much energy is spent on debating largely inconsequential parenting decisions when so very little attention is given to the children who DON'T HAVE PARENTS. Why isn't this causing outrage? Making magazine covers? Inciting ranty twitter posts?

This is the war I'll be involved in: We, as a society, are not doing enough to protect at-risk and motherless children, both in our country and globally.

(Because apparently we're too busy worrying about that kid whose mom gave him formula.)
The kind of war I'll get behind will advocate for kids with bigger issues than a mom who goes to work. Or doesn't.

I'll get upset about the fact that LA County's family court system is so atrocious that they recently allowed press into court hearings for minors, in the hopes that this might finally provide some accountability for social workers who aren't doing their job. Let me repeat that: social workers are so understaffed and/or screwing up so badly that reporters are allowed into confidential court proceedings in the hopes that it will shape them up.

I'll be disturbed by the 18-year-olds I regularly see on adoption photolistings who, despite being old enough to live independently, place themselves on national photolistings because they desperately want a mom and a dad in their adult life. Because, in one teen's words, he "wants to become a member of a permanent family".

I'll whine about how, when we called our Christian agency about a healthy African-American boy from LA county who was in need of a home, we were told that they had no prospective adoptive parents willing to accept a placement of a black child. NOT ONE.

I'll get upset about a system that requires foster children to be placed in an adoptive home for 6 months before terminating parental rights, regardless of an absence of reunification efforts by the birth parents. I'll be angry about how this scares away prospective adoptive parents, and hurts children by leaving them in a limbo even after years of no contact or even abandonment by their birth family. I'll rant about how children whose parents have failed them should be made legally freed for adoption AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, so that more people would be willing to step forward and adopt.

I'll get behind complaining about how the government renames orphans and calls them "wards of the state" and renames orphanages and calls them "group homes", and how we collectively turn a blind eye to the fact that we have hundreds of thousands of children waiting for families in the US.
I'll be appalled over how many children around the world will age out of orphanages due to lack of paperwork or other factors that make them ineligible for adoption.  I'll continue posting about the deplorable conditions of third world orphanages and the developmental challenges that neglected children will face.

I'll fight for the moms who don't have access to prenatal care, or for the moms who have to abandon their children because of poverty.  I'll be mad that such inequities exist, and I'll support organizations that help change it.

The only mommy war I support involves moms banding together to talk about the number of children in our world who are missing out on basic human needs. Security. Love. Affection. Let's wage a war about that.  Not everyone can adopt, but we can all do something. Even if it's just using our voices for something more productive than personal parenting choices. Let's stop quibbling about what competent mothers are choosing for their kids, and step it up for the kids that don't have one."

 

CAN I GET AN AMEN!!!???