We had such a good visit with Ruslan again today. When we showed up, everyone was in their underwear...which confused, surprised and bewildered us for a moment...but apparently, they all nap like that. We waited in the hallway to allow privacy, and Ruslan then came to his little locker to get dressed -in the same clothes he's been wearing for the last two days. = (
We played more frisbee, and did some color by number today. Ruslan was so proud that he could read and identify the colors without me having to color a little swatch of each one next to the numbers as I have been for the last two visits. We brought him a granola bar and a big carton of apple juice today. He actually kissed and hugged the carton of juice when he got it, and he kissed the granola bar too....that is a kid who loves to eat!
We got some photos of some of the other children (in the younger class), and spent time playing a bit with them. We also were sharing with them that God loves each of them, and it was so cute to see them just light up! Two of the little ones had black eyes, one with a cut to go along with it. It is hard on the heart to be immersed in the orphanage life, and it's amazing to see the heirarchy these kids seem to have formed all on their own. There is much running around unsupervised, much fighting, and grabbing, and crying. And more. I'll just leave it at that.
Ruslan was a little jealous with the other children around, and he wanted our attention to be on him. If I would look at or play with the other children, he would call my name to get me to focus on him....or sometimes just walk away feeling left out. At one point, Bill lifted Ruslan in to the air and then the other children wanted a turn...Ruslan took Bill's arm and put it around him...as if to say, "This is my Papa!" I explained as best I could that they are friends and that we have room to love them all! Maybe he is worried we'll choose one of them instead...or maybe he is just relishing this one on one attention that he has been so starving for...or maybe he's just really glad it's HIS turn! Whatever the reason, we understood it to be what it was....his own way of processing this new found adoration, the fact that he has parents for the first time in his life that love him, value him, and want to spend devoted, quality time with him....and the fact that he'll do whatever it takes to hold on to that!
We found some educational activity books at the store for $1, so we bought two. They are in Russian, so I'll be using some of my down time to translate them so I know what skills they are asking him to do. Then we can use our orphanage time to get a rough assessment of his skill set, and also keep him busy with fun activities. We definitely didn't think about packing things to do in the orphanage, but realized quickly that would have been a good idea. But, we've managed to find things here to bring, and it's been working well!
After our time together was drawing to an end, I could tell that he sensed it...he kept looking up in the direction of the driveway every time he heard the smallest noise. When our driver finally did arrive, Ruslan was finishing up an art project. He started to rush, and we explained that it was okay, and he could finish. Our driver is so patient and kind with Ruslan...it makes me happy to let him see people that care about him. When it was time to go back with his group, he got in line and was starting to go inside with them...then he ran back and asked "завтра?" (zahf-tra) which means "tomorrow?"....he was asking if we would be back tomorrow. Yes my son...tomorrow...and the next day...and the next...and every day of the rest of your life! Ruslan was listing off all the people he loves today....Mama, Papa, Mason, Sasha (our facilitator), and Sergei (our driver). That's it. Ten years old. Those are the people he loves. Counted on one hand. And he's never spent more than three weeks with any of them.
Emotions are high, and low, and high again. And the time difference, and sleep schedule are tough....and a fellow blogger put a name to it all! I cut and pasted an excerpt of her blog here. Bethany, if you're reading this...I hope you see my sharing your work as the highest form of flattery that it is. You hit the nail on the head with this one!
"...I thought I would revisit something that I want to coin the name for and then make a million dollars finding a cure for! I have come up with a name for the fatigue that struck us and the next family - we will see if everyone gets it - Chronic Adoption Fatigue Syndrome. At first we thought it was just jet lag, but rapidly realized that 4 weeks into the trip, jet lag should have resolved. I have a couple of theories - just bear with me.
1. Ukrainian Beds and Pillows - While there are many lovely things about Ukraine (the people, the food, the culture) there are a few things that you can do without, and chief among those are their beds and pillows. The mattresses are about on average 1/2 inch thick, just foam, and often lumpy. This is universal, whether it is an apartment, hotel, or anywhere. The pillows are dense, heavy, and the wrong shape - square, not rectangular. You might as well just pull up the nearest boulder for all the comfort they provide. This combination makes for bad quality sleep. You need about two hours to get 30 minutes of real sleep.
2. North Pole like almost 24 hour daylight - I know that Ukraine is north - but people, it is not above the arctic circle! Why does it get light at about 4 in the morning and stay light until 10? And we were there in April. Does the sun never set in the middle of summer? And with this known issue - why are there no black out drapes in the windows? Gauzy curtains might be beautiful blowing in the breeze, but do nothing to aid sleep when the sun's rays are burning holes in your retinas.
3. Emotions - No matter how prepared you are - these kids have the ability to just wring any staying power you have out of you. You will be assaulted on every level with emotions that you thought were behind you in your unstable teenage years! You will be frustrated, worried about money, in love, homesick, happy, and sad, all at the same time. At the same time you feel like you are stuck in a wormhole without any way to get out. You hear about a light at the end of the tunnel, but it doesn't feel like you will ever reach it.
4. Time zone trouble - You want to keep in touch with home, which means staying up late to try to catch them in the morning. Then you are tired and have down time during the day which lends itself to naps! Then you get in this weird sleep cycle that seems a few hours on and a few hours off. There really is no cure for this one, but it is a killer.
Well, I think this just about summarizes the Chronic Adoption Fatigue Syndrome. It doesn't go away when you get home, but after a week or so, it gets better. But you will find yourself going to bed earlier than you did before - I think this whole process actually ages you by a few years."
We played more frisbee, and did some color by number today. Ruslan was so proud that he could read and identify the colors without me having to color a little swatch of each one next to the numbers as I have been for the last two visits. We brought him a granola bar and a big carton of apple juice today. He actually kissed and hugged the carton of juice when he got it, and he kissed the granola bar too....that is a kid who loves to eat!
We got some photos of some of the other children (in the younger class), and spent time playing a bit with them. We also were sharing with them that God loves each of them, and it was so cute to see them just light up! Two of the little ones had black eyes, one with a cut to go along with it. It is hard on the heart to be immersed in the orphanage life, and it's amazing to see the heirarchy these kids seem to have formed all on their own. There is much running around unsupervised, much fighting, and grabbing, and crying. And more. I'll just leave it at that.
Ruslan was a little jealous with the other children around, and he wanted our attention to be on him. If I would look at or play with the other children, he would call my name to get me to focus on him....or sometimes just walk away feeling left out. At one point, Bill lifted Ruslan in to the air and then the other children wanted a turn...Ruslan took Bill's arm and put it around him...as if to say, "This is my Papa!" I explained as best I could that they are friends and that we have room to love them all! Maybe he is worried we'll choose one of them instead...or maybe he is just relishing this one on one attention that he has been so starving for...or maybe he's just really glad it's HIS turn! Whatever the reason, we understood it to be what it was....his own way of processing this new found adoration, the fact that he has parents for the first time in his life that love him, value him, and want to spend devoted, quality time with him....and the fact that he'll do whatever it takes to hold on to that!
We found some educational activity books at the store for $1, so we bought two. They are in Russian, so I'll be using some of my down time to translate them so I know what skills they are asking him to do. Then we can use our orphanage time to get a rough assessment of his skill set, and also keep him busy with fun activities. We definitely didn't think about packing things to do in the orphanage, but realized quickly that would have been a good idea. But, we've managed to find things here to bring, and it's been working well!
After our time together was drawing to an end, I could tell that he sensed it...he kept looking up in the direction of the driveway every time he heard the smallest noise. When our driver finally did arrive, Ruslan was finishing up an art project. He started to rush, and we explained that it was okay, and he could finish. Our driver is so patient and kind with Ruslan...it makes me happy to let him see people that care about him. When it was time to go back with his group, he got in line and was starting to go inside with them...then he ran back and asked "завтра?" (zahf-tra) which means "tomorrow?"....he was asking if we would be back tomorrow. Yes my son...tomorrow...and the next day...and the next...and every day of the rest of your life! Ruslan was listing off all the people he loves today....Mama, Papa, Mason, Sasha (our facilitator), and Sergei (our driver). That's it. Ten years old. Those are the people he loves. Counted on one hand. And he's never spent more than three weeks with any of them.
Emotions are high, and low, and high again. And the time difference, and sleep schedule are tough....and a fellow blogger put a name to it all! I cut and pasted an excerpt of her blog here. Bethany, if you're reading this...I hope you see my sharing your work as the highest form of flattery that it is. You hit the nail on the head with this one!
"...I thought I would revisit something that I want to coin the name for and then make a million dollars finding a cure for! I have come up with a name for the fatigue that struck us and the next family - we will see if everyone gets it - Chronic Adoption Fatigue Syndrome. At first we thought it was just jet lag, but rapidly realized that 4 weeks into the trip, jet lag should have resolved. I have a couple of theories - just bear with me.
1. Ukrainian Beds and Pillows - While there are many lovely things about Ukraine (the people, the food, the culture) there are a few things that you can do without, and chief among those are their beds and pillows. The mattresses are about on average 1/2 inch thick, just foam, and often lumpy. This is universal, whether it is an apartment, hotel, or anywhere. The pillows are dense, heavy, and the wrong shape - square, not rectangular. You might as well just pull up the nearest boulder for all the comfort they provide. This combination makes for bad quality sleep. You need about two hours to get 30 minutes of real sleep.
2. North Pole like almost 24 hour daylight - I know that Ukraine is north - but people, it is not above the arctic circle! Why does it get light at about 4 in the morning and stay light until 10? And we were there in April. Does the sun never set in the middle of summer? And with this known issue - why are there no black out drapes in the windows? Gauzy curtains might be beautiful blowing in the breeze, but do nothing to aid sleep when the sun's rays are burning holes in your retinas.
3. Emotions - No matter how prepared you are - these kids have the ability to just wring any staying power you have out of you. You will be assaulted on every level with emotions that you thought were behind you in your unstable teenage years! You will be frustrated, worried about money, in love, homesick, happy, and sad, all at the same time. At the same time you feel like you are stuck in a wormhole without any way to get out. You hear about a light at the end of the tunnel, but it doesn't feel like you will ever reach it.
4. Time zone trouble - You want to keep in touch with home, which means staying up late to try to catch them in the morning. Then you are tired and have down time during the day which lends itself to naps! Then you get in this weird sleep cycle that seems a few hours on and a few hours off. There really is no cure for this one, but it is a killer.
Well, I think this just about summarizes the Chronic Adoption Fatigue Syndrome. It doesn't go away when you get home, but after a week or so, it gets better. But you will find yourself going to bed earlier than you did before - I think this whole process actually ages you by a few years."
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