The Landlord

We received a call from our facilitator today saying that the Landlord would be here to switch out the mattress, and that the washing machine was fixed and she would show us how to use it.  Well, the landlord is my new favorite person here in Ukraine!

She started speaking in Russian when we opened the door, and she didn't stop until she left! I even told her "No Ruski" which I think means I am not Russian, or something like that, but that definitely didn't stop her.  Cutest thing ever.

She is running around the apartment talking quickly in Russian with lots of hand gestures.  Bill and I are nodding and trying to follow along as best we can.  We glean that she is telling us we can open the windows when we're home, but we need to close them when we leave.  She also takes our bath mat and our towels from our showers today and hangs them on a line outside the kitchen window.  She sees our laptop on the table and makes room for it on a different table, then brings out tablecloths for us.  Apparently the table we had our computer on was actually meant for eating! She was very concerned about making sure everything was nice for us. 

She pulled out two pairs of slippers from the cabinet, and put one in her bag.  The other she holds out toward me and puts on the floor.  I think she is saying I can use them (since I am walking around barefoot)....so I smile and say "спасибо" (spa-see-ba) which means thank you.  I don't put them on though because I am a little funny about wearing other people's shoes, and also because I like being barefoot.  (Either they weren't really meant for me, or she figured I was turning down her offer, because she took them with her when she left!)

She "fixes" our washing machine, which means that she shows us how to prop a stool and a full bottle of water in front of it to keep the door closed.  Awesome! My kind of repair!

Her son (I think?) carries in the mattress, and she then proceeds to ask us if we want new sheets, and then goes on to make the whole bed, showing us where extra blankets are and gesturing by hugging herself that they are in case we get cold.

She said "Меня зовут Maria" (men-ya-za-voot Maria) which means "My name is Maria"....so I told her our names.  Then she asked "America?" so we nodded yes.  She got so happy, talking on and on again in Russian....Bill and I doing lots of smiling and nodding.  She says something about Canada, Germany, America, and I think Poland....and then gives me a great big hug.  I am hugging back and smiling and nodding.

And then she is chattering Russian all the way out the door, and we are saying our "до свидания" (dahs vi-don-ya), which means goodbye.  And then the door closes.  And Bill and I have no idea what just happened.  And she was the cutest little Russian woman ever!

What's In a Name?

So, with this adoption comes many choices.  One of which is what we decide on for the name that goes on the adoption paperwork.  Originally, we were both really against changing Ruslan's name.  He is almost ten, and he's had that name his whole life.  Besides which, it seemed really strange to us to ever be able to call him something different, because we know him as Ruslan.  The entire community rallying for him knows him as Ruslan.  And, he knows himself as Ruslan.  And he'd have to learn to write a whole new name!

But lately, Bill and I have been thinking more about this.  We have to make a decision within the next week or so.  And we are truly torn.  We are now thinking about all the adjustments he'll be needing to make, and the fact that he will already be standing out a bit.  We are wondering if an Americanized (is that a word?!) name might help make that adjustment a little easier.  We asked our facilitator's opinion, and he said that a foreign name is just one more way for kids to tease him.  Bill and I can both think back to our school careers and remember how those with foreign or different names were teased.  Sad, but true, that kids can be so cruel.  Not only that, but virtually no one pronounces his name correctly in America! 

Then we are also aware of the fact that Ruslan is almost ten, and we feel like he should have some say as to what he would prefer to do.  But, we also feel it could be confusing to ask him if he wants to change his name or not, as that is a pretty big decision for a child to make-especially in the midst of this huge transition in his life.

Obviously the decision is ultimately ours, but we would love for you to comment and share your opinions.  We feel like each of you had a part in bringing him home and we would also love for you to be a part of this big decision.  We will respectfully hear all feedback and thoughts, as we want to be sure there isn't something that we haven't considered yet.  That being said, we ask for the same respect with regards to whatever decision we make about his name.  We've heard strong arguments on both sides, and we aren't looking to spark a debate.  We are truly just interested in hearing some different perspectives and opinions as we weigh our decision.

We do have an American name picked out for him, and we like it very much!  (We'll share that in a later post so it doesn't get in the way of decision making!) So his name will either be "(American Name) Ruslan Kochies" or "Ruslan (American Name) Kochies".  We have decided not to keep his current last name as part of his name, and he'll be taking the last name Kochies.  Right now, we are considering the following:

Leave his name as Ruslan, and give the middle name we like-he still goes by Ruslan.
Change his first name to the name we like, but leave Ruslan as his middle name, and have him go by the new first name.
Give him the choice to decide which name he likes better, and change it to that.
Make the decision for him and then let him choose later if he wants to go by first or middle name.

So, that's where we're at.  We'd love to hear your thoughts! Go!

Random

A few random thoughts, facts-

• Our washing machine is broken, and neither of our sinks is really large enough to wash clothes....could get stinky here soon! We do have some Tide packets, so I think I'll just be washing one garment at a time in the kitchen sink (the bathroom sink is way too tiny!)
• Neither of us has braved the shower in this new apartment yet, but we've been here two days and we'll have to break down soon. I leaned over the shower today and Bill washed my hair for me. Other than that we've been using washcloths and soap to bathe! Bill pried the stopper with a knife this morning, so at least it drains now...I vote he's going in first!
• Found out by accident that they turn the water off every night here...and for some reason it was off for most of today too! It's kind of like roulette any time you need to use the water, you never know what you're going to get, or if you'll get anything...so entertaining!
• The TV has several English channels....GodTV, a cooking channel, TheWordTV, BBC World News and ESPN Europe (where they have been playing only soccer up until today when there is bicycling on, which Bill insists is not a "TV sport!")  This is good, because we weren't able to find English channels in Kiev other than the music video channel that rotated a few English videos in every now and then!
• We had pizza at the "Wal-mart" today, and it tasted so good!!!  I was full and fat and happy!
• Bill likes to pay with grivna and expects to get change back, but most cashiers don't like to give coins back, so they ask for change from him.  For some reason this irritates Bill to no end!
• I cut my foot today on the frame of the glass door that seperates the apartment from the kitchen (it's raised in the threshold and my half-asleep self missed lifting my foot all the way!)  We tried to find Bacitracin or Neosporin at the "Wal-Mart" because I forgot to pack any, but it was like a wild goose chase! They didn't have any there, and we had to go to two pharmacies to try and get something.  I ended up with a liquid that my facilitator says should work well.  I'll let you know how it goes!
• Our facilitator is like a miracle worker getting paperwork done...he is speedy, and efficient, and dealing with several families here in country, and he still has time to answer my random questions about the culture and my incessant questions about our adoption process all while fielding a million phone calls a day!
• We found Ramen Noodles here...my friend Amy is right, everyone has Ramen!!!!
• It was beautiful, sunny and summer like here up until today when it is windy, chilly, rainy and expected to stay cool for several days.  Since it's "summer" here, I only packed one pair of long pants and one mid-length sleeve sweater.  We'll see how chilly it gets...might be hitting "Wal-Mart" up for a sweatshirt!
• The toilet is in it's own little room (the water closet!) and you have to flick the light on and off several times to get it to come on.  The switch is outside the door, and sometimes the light spontaneously goes off while you're in there leaving you effectively stranded in the dark!
• The deli at the "Wal-Mart" has more meat and cheese selections than I've ever seen in my life...seriously...so many choices, and I don't know what any of those meats are!
• Driving is much crazier here with lots of passing and switching lanes.
• I have way too much time on my hands if I can sit and blog about random facts!

A Good Day!

So, no rats today, which is always good!  And, we had a great visit with Ruslan this morning.  We went to the orphanage around 10am (which is 3am according to my body, that still hasn't adjusted to the time change!)

We were able to bring his letter and small package in, but they told us we would have to wait to give out the packages for the other children.  I am so sorry to families who are anxiously waiting to see/hear from their little ones waiting to be adopted.  I promise you, as SOON as I am able to see them, I will give out the packages and get photos for you.  We want to be respectful to the wishes of the orphanage Director, and we definitely want to stay on her good side!

When we walked in, we waited in the lobby for a little while and then we went upstairs to see Ruslan.  He again was all smiles, and ran over to hug us.  If he was in any way disappointed by the fact that we weren't able to visit yesterday, it definitely didn't show!  We gave him a small package with some crayons, a coloring book, some paper, a notebook (which he loves!).  The first thing he did was take out a piece of paper and start folding! I was watching to see what he was making...on the first fold, I thought it was a paper airplane....a few folds later and I thought it was one of those paper fortune tellers children make.  He was working so fast, and was so excited! When he finished, it was a beautiful paper flower that he gave to me, smiling and so proud! I just teared up...what a sweet and thoughtful gesture! I am amazed at how this little boy has kept such a soft heart through all that he has endured.  That is an answered prayer for us.  We were so impressed by his tender heart, thoughtful nature and sweet soul when he stayed with us last summer, and so amazed that he could preserve that even after everything he had endured.  We have been praying that the Lord would guard his heart.  I know God has been watching over him, and I am so blessed to be his Mama!

We got to spend a few hours with him.  He again had lots of fun playing with the camera and video camera.  Then we did some coloring together, and practiced learning English colors.  He wrote all of our names in his notebook, and he wrote his name on the cover of it....in English!  We sang, "Oh...Happy Day" (one of his favorite worship songs from when he was in summer camp in America last year) complete with arm motions, and captured it on video! 

Our facilitator came in and said that Ruslan needed to write his letter stating that he wanted to be adopted by us.  Ruslan was so excited, and he looked like such a big boy at the table writing.  We have a photo of him working on that letter, and it's something we'll always treasure.  He was all smiles, and was laughing when he got to writing our last name...I'm sure it sounds so funny to him!  The facilitator remarked on how bright Ruslan was, and that many children have difficulty writing the letter.  We've also noticed that Ruslan seems to read and write well.  We're excited to help him start learning English and preparing for school, and Ruslan is so excited to learn English too...he is always asking how to say things, and repeating English words.

They were giving out snack to the other children (a tiny apple and two pieces of candy) when Ruslan was finishing up his letter.  I asked if he would be missing snack because he was with us, and the facilitator said we could give him a snack if we had something with us.  I went out to the van to get a granola bar for him, and when I came back in he also had the apple and candy, so he was very excited to have a double snack!  He devoured the granola bar first, and then he passed out the candies to Bill and I.  So sweet that he is sharing his snack, and despite my efforts to give him one, he insisted the candies were for us.  (And then he had to take photos of us eating the candies!) He also ate the apple. 

We played tic-tac-toe, which I thought I would have to teach him to play.  But he knew, and delighted in the fact that he was winning!  He cut out a paper heart and wrote all of our names on it.  He asked where Mason was, and asked if we were all going to America together.  He even asked if our facilitator would be coming with us, and seemed a little sad when we told him he wasn't! 

Some men, who I think were maintenance men, kept walking through the room we were all in.  Ruslan would speak in Russian to them as they passed.  One elderly gentlemen tousled Ruslan's hair and said something about "America".  He was smiling, and seemed genuinely happy for Ruslan.  I don't know why, but that was a really sweet moment to me.  I think of how often Ruslan had to sit by and watch while other children were chosen...other children went home with their families....and I am so glad it is his turn.  My heart aches, of course, for the other children....and I pray that God continues to watch over them, and I know that His plan for each of them will be revealed, and is perfect.  But I am selfishly happy that this little boy has a turn to feel valued, loved and accepted.  I am so grateful that the Lord's plan for Ruslan included us.  And I am so grateful for the people that encouraged us to be bold for the Lord and answer the stirring he placed in our hearts, even when some people (including ourselves at times!) thought we were crazy! There is truly no limit to what the Lord can accomplish, and this is proof positive that God can move mountains!

The orphanage Director shared with us the first day we arrived that it isn't only the children who are cruel to Ruslan, but that adults in this culture are not accepting of him with his "deformity" either.  And it breaks my heart to think he has spent a lifetime feeling not good enough, shameful, ugly, less than....and I am so excited to tell him of God's love for him, of how he is so perfect in our eyes and in God's eyes, of how a worldwide community fought to bring him home, and how "Ruslan is smart, and strong, and brave".  (That's the saying we cemented in his heart when he stayed with us last summer!)

Ruslan seems to understand now that he has a family, that we will be here for him.  When it was time to say goodbye, he was so content. (But, not without asking Bill to lift him up to the ceiling once!) He gave us big hugs, and high fives, and he went back in to his class with no problem.  As we were gathering everything up to leave, he ran back out of his class with one last hug for each of us, but he was all smiles going back in! I can only imagine how full his heart is, how happy he is to have a place to belong, and how excited he is to be part of a family.  Forever. His days in that orphanage are numbered, and then we begin living, loving and experiencing each day of the rest of his life! This boy has a bright and amazing future ahead of him! Praise be to God!

Rats!

That title is appropriate today, because as we were leaving the apartment this morning, we were greeted by a fat, happy rat in the hallway.  He was crouched in the corner right by the door as we were about to leave, and his beady little eyes were rather intimidating!  I am a wimp of sorts, and so I immediately had goosebumps and was completely grossed out! I stuck close to the wall on the opposite side of him, and didn't take my eyes off him as I walked out....sad to say, as I was walking out he was scurrying up the stairs.  Wish he went the other way, but I have to try not to think about him or where he went, lest I may not sleep here again!!! So gross! In our facilitator's words, "Welcome to Ukraine!"

But "Rats!" is also appropriate sentiment for a hurdle we encountered today.  We were hopeful to make it through this journey without a hitch, but it seems that is not to be!  Our facilitator let us know that there was an ommision in recording when Ruslan's mother lost her parental rights, and his name was not included on the paperwork.  We had to go in to Odessa today to try and straighten that out, and as a result we weren't able to go to the orphanage today. 

This makes me sad for a couple reasons.  Of course, because we weren't able to see Ruslan and the other children.  But mainly because we told him we would be back today.  I even made a point to ask if we would be going to the orphanage today before I told him, so I didn't give him false hope  (No one's fault, the glitch in paperwork couldn't have been anticipated).  But at a time when building trust is crucial, I feel terrible that he sat in that orphanage today waiting for parents that never showed up.  Just part and parcel of his orphanage life.  I understand that the paperwork is the most important thing at this point, and without straightening that out, there is no adoption.  But it breaks my heart to think about him waiting for us, wondering when we'll be there, and perhaps doubting if we're even coming back at all.  The facilitator has assured us he will help us explain tomorrow morning that we got held up getting paperwork fixed, and wanted to be there but couldn't.  I pray that he can understand, and I pray that he can continue to trust and depend on us.  And from now on, when we leave, I'll be saying "See you soon" instead of "See you tomorrow!"

We are also a bit disappointed because it turns out it is going to cost almost double what we were expecting for Bill to stay for the ten day waiting period.  We weren't expecting that cost, but we also don't want to leave Ruslan for ten days after he has gotten used to seeing us regularly.  We have some decisions to make with regards to that.

Please pray that Ruslan's heart is guarded, that he can understand when we are able to explain in the morning, and that the paperwork error is easily correctible without adding too much cost and time to the process.  Pray for us as we make decisions about that ten day period as well.  Thank you so much for being on this journey with us.  Your encouragement, comments, support and love are really helping us get through this time!

First Orphanage Visit

Yesterday, we drove for about 7 hours to the region where Ruslan's orphanage is located.  It's a small town, and we are staying in an apartment on a dirt road not far from the orphanage (and the market!).  When we arrived in town, we first stopped at the Inspector's office.  When we arrived, she wasn't available to see our facilitator, so we all went to have lunch first.  We went to a large market (similar to Wal-Mart, and we have affectionately been calling it that!) to eat.  In the back of the store is a cafeteria with a salad bar, and a hot food bar.  I wish I could say I have been adventurous in my food choices, but the sad truth is that I am sticking to things I know.  (I did try green borscht though, and that was pretty good!)  I had chicken and boiled potatoes for lunch, and it was very good!  After lunch, we headed back to the Inspector's office, and when we arrived we walked right in.  She asked us to tell her a little about ourselves, and then she talked with our facilitator for quite some time.  We signed off that we received the referral, and then we were on our way to the orphanage. 

I was staring out the window, all the way down the road, trying to catch a glimpse of the orphanage and so anxious to arrive.  All the way, I saw school children on the side of the road walking.  I assume there must have been a school nearby, though I didn't see it.  I was wondering if that was the school that Ruslan went to, as he leaves the orphanage to go to a regular school. 

The first thing I noticed about the orphanage was the black fence around it, and the gate we had to drive through to get in.  As we pulled in, I just tried to take it all in.  When we walked in there was a billboard with photos of kids engaged in different activities.  I couldn't read what it said since it was in Russian, but it almost look like an advertisement for the orphanage or something.  Maybe meant to give adoptive families a feel for what the children do there...not sure!  It was eerily quiet, and I didn't see or hear one child on the way to the Director's office.  Maybe they were outside, or in another building.

As we walked in, I was so filled with anticipation, and also a little nervous!  We walked through to the Director's office, and sat down in front of her desk.  There, she filled us in on Ruslan's history.  His mother was born in 1982, and she was single when she had Ruslan in 2002.  She never took Ruslan home from the hospital when he was born, and originally signed custody over for a 6 month temporary period.  She then wrote a letter requesting he remain in custody.  She never appeared in court so her parental rights were terminated by default.  He was in the hospital for a year, and then placed in a different orphanage until he was 4.  Then he came to the orphanage where he is now 5 years ago.  His mother never came to visit him when he was in the hospital, or since.  She lives with someone now, as well as a brother and sister of Ruslan's. The orphanage tried to request support payments from her, but since neither her nor her cohabitor have jobs, they were unsuccessful.  They suspect Ruslan was given up because of his hare lip and cleft palate. 

The orphanage doctor then came in to tell us about Ruslan's medical history.  He has had three surgeries to repair his cleft/lip, and it is likely more work is necessary.  They also told us he was taken to a mental institution in April, and they found him to be free of any mental incapacitation, other than his "defect" (cleft lip/palate) but that he is developmentally delayed (which comes as no surprise to us, given the circumstances he has been living in for the duration of his life thus far) and he will require speech therapy (also no surprise).

I have been thinking about Ruslan's mother for days.  I don't know why...and I am really trying not to be judgmental, because I have never been in her position, and I don't know what it's like.  But I am sad for Ruslan that he was cast away...I am angry that the one person in the world who was supposed to be there for him wasn't, and it hurts my heart to think about him laying in a hospital for the first year of his life with no one there to comfort and love him.  I think about the three surgeries he endured as a young boy, with no one there to comfort him.  Going under anesthesia and all that comes along with the procedure and healing....not once, but three times.  I think about sending Mason off to surgery as a little boy....alone...and my stomach turns to think of his fear, his inability to understand, and how desperately he would need to held, loved and nurtured afterward.  And I am glad that God was with Ruslan when we couldn't be.

We are told he has tested negative for HIV, hepatitis, syphillis and is generally healthy.  We have a physical set up for him when we get home, where we will have a full examination, labs, etc. completed.  We'll also be making a trip to the dentist.  We spoke with his school as well, and the principal was extremely helfpul in helping us identify a class where the teacher was most likely to work well with him, and the children were most apt to be accepting.  He will be getting speech therapy, and he'll be starting below what his grade level would typically be for his age, to allow him time to catch up.  He'll, of course, be in ESL classes for several months.  I am grateful beyond measure for the blessing of being able to spend some time home with him when he gets back to the US, so I can help him transition more successfully. 

While we were speaking with the doctor, someone opened the Director's door and made an inquiry of the Director in Russian....the Director nodded her head in approval, and I am assuming the woman was asking if Ruslan could come in because after the Director's nod, the door opened and there he was.  My breath caught in my throat, and I wasn't expecting him....didn't have the camera ready...but no matter...that is a moment that is forever etched in my mind.  To say he was beaming would be an understatement.  He literally ran across the room in to my arms, and we just hugged...and I cried....and he didn't let go! Then he hugged Bill, who was also tearing up.  He has grown a bit taller, and his haircut is definitely in need of some attention...but he was beautiful...and there...in my arms, finally! After nine months of waiting, hoping and praying, our little boy was in our arms.  He was so excited to see us, his little hands were shaking.  He reached out to hold my hand, wherever we went.  We took some photos, and then we were brought upstairs to a play room of sorts to spend some time together. 

We took pictures (one of Ruslan's favorite past times...the camera was what brought him out of his shell in the airport when he first came to us for hosting) so we have lots of photos of random things on our camera now!  We played some ball, and it was so great to be alone with him.  Bill picked Ruslan up to touch the ceiling, one of Ruslan's favorite things, and he was giggling and squealing with delight!  At one point, a small group of children came in to the room, and we had to leave.  It looked like they were doing a gym class of sorts.  I could see in to the room as their class was going on, and I wanted to hug those children with their curious eyes and covert smiles and waves.  We were in the younger children's building, and I was a bit sad not to be able to see where Ruslan has been living.  I was really hopeful to get some photos for him. 

After our visit, our facilitator came in and was talking to Ruslan in Russian.  I could tell Ruslan was suddenly sad and withdrawn.  I asked what the conversation was, and we were told that Ruslan would now be staying on this side of the orphanage, with the younger children.  We were told that the older children would be really hard on him once they found out he was going home to a family, so it would be better for him to be with the younger children.  Ruslan was very sad, and so were we.  In his last days there, he is taken from the children and caregivers  he knows and moved in to a whole new building, with no warning.  It was even harder because it was also time for us to leave.  We explained that we'd be coming back tomorrow (today) to see him, and he gave us each a hug.  Then he walked away with his head down, looking at the ground and clearly upset.  It was so hard to walk away.  I tried to look back to see if he was okay, but I couldn't see him. 

It was a very emotional day.  A good friend pointed out that it was almost as if I had been building up all this emotion over the past nine months, and seeing him was like a release of all that.  So I came back to the apartment and had a pretty good cry.  Which seemed very backwards and unexpected to me, as it was such a happy day! I was grateful for the wisdom and encouragement of some amazing women, who really were able to point me back to God, and offer the words I needed to cling to yesterday.  I love this thought, shared by someone who has been on this same journey:  "Isn't it amazing to think that throughout Ruslan's life, each time he has cried, God has cried with him... and now he has a mama to cry when he hurts... and it is a miracle."

I just have to remember that God is with him when we can't be, loves Him even more than we do, and has only the best plans for him.  I cling to that today. 

Prayer Requests

As we pack up, and prepare for the seven hour drive to the region where Ruslan's orphanage is, I'd love to share a few prayer requests.  We appreciate all of you back  home who are lifting us up, encouraging us, and joining us in this amazing journey.

Please pray specifically for the following:

• Safe travels on our drive to the region, that our driver would be energized and alert.
• Mason, who is having some tearful moments and missing us, and the entire Sullivan family as they care for him.
• Katrina who is staying with our dogs, and that they would remain healthy and not give her any trouble!!!!!!
• Our family that we aren't able to connect with online, that they would have peace of mind and rest in knowing that we are safe and doing well.
• Ruslan, that he can sort and process the overwhelming emotions he must have during this time of transition.  That he feels God's love in a mighty way as he balances both the joy of starting a new life, and the grieving that goes with leaving the only one he's ever known behind.
• The orphanage caregivers and Director, that they remain open to having us in the orphanage and that they allow us to visit and engage with the children.  That we can share photos and stories with the families waiting back home, anxious to make their own journey to bring their children home.
• The orphans, that the Lord will work through us to share the gospel, and that we are able to reflect the light and love of God.  That they can each feel valued and know that they are perfect in God's eyes and so loved by Him.
• For the paperwork, the process, and the court system that things would go smoothly.
• For Ruslan's mother, wherever she is, that she is at peace and that she knows in her heart that the Lord is watching over and protecting Ruslan, and that he will be part of a loving family.  That she knows what an amazing gift she has given us, and that our intent to love her boy with all that we are is somehow evident to her. 
• For us, as we prepare to encounter the orphanage and all that it entails.  That we can rest in knowing that God has a plan for each of those children, and that we can be a small part of it.
• For Bill as he will remain here for weeks after I go home, and then travel home with Ruslan. 
• That ultimately, His will be done, and we are able to humbly and obediently follow where He leads.

Thank you so much for your prayers.  They mean so much to us, and your encouragement and support have been so uplifting.  We're not sure how our internet connection will be in the region where Ruslan's orphanage is, or if we'll even have one.  So we'll try to connect as soon as we're settled there, and if not, I'll be back home on June 10th!

SDA Appointment

Our SDA appointment was this morning.  We traveled into downtown Kiev, over cobblestone streets and in to a construction zone! Apparently they are working to repair the road outside the SDA Office. (We must have parked in a spot we weren't supposed to be in because when it was time to leave, we were blocked in by two police cars and had to move some cones to get out!) When we arrived, we were a bit early, so we waited outside in the car.  Which we wondered about, thinking it would be better to get in line or something! But then at noon, the time of our appointment, we walked in.  As we suspected, there were several people already waiting in line.  Calculating in our minds how long each person before us would take, we planned to be there for quite some time.  And then the doors to the office opened, and a woman came out and called our facilitator by name.  She ushered us upstairs to the office, past all of the other waiting people! Grateful for our facilitator's relationship with the office, we walked right in and sat down. 

The room was small, but comfortable.  The shelves were full of thick binders holding profiles of the children available for adoption.  We were asked how we know Ruslan, and why we wanted to adopt him.  We were asked if he knows that we are coming.  Then, she took out his file and placed it before us.  And tears welled up in my eyes.  I just ran my fingers over his face in those pictures and stifled the urge to cry.  There was a photo of Ruslan when he was much younger- probably one of the few that exist of him at a younger age.  And he was all innocence, with his adorable smile. There were also a couple photos that look a little more like him today.  And my heart broke for him. And I thought of Mason at that young age...all the snuggles we had, the bond we shared, the time we spent rocking in the chair before bed, the sweaty sweet sleepiness of him that I used to inhale, and the confidence he had in knowing we would always be there for him.  And it made me so painfully aware that Ruslan never got to experience that.  Never had the love of a mother and father.  Missed out on being held close, on forming those crucial bonds.  A wise person wrote me a card to open once we arrived here.  In the card, it says we'll experience lots of emotions when visiting the orphanage, and that it was her prayer that God would hold us together while breaking our hearts, but that it's through that heartbreak that our hearts can be aligned with God's.  (Her words were much more eloquent..I am really not doing it justice!)

I do believe the Lord places the lonely in families, and I believe He has called us on this journey.  Maybe it is to break our hearts for orphans.  Maybe it's for all the ways He has stretched and grown our faith over the last year.  Maybe it's because we were meant to encounter all of the individuals we have along this journey, maybe it's because this boy was ours long before we ever knew.  His ways are great, and we are humbly and obediently trying to follow Him and be open to His will. 

But the image of that younger Ruslan sticks in my mind.  And I think of his mother.  And I wonder about her.  And I try not to judge.  But I think of her at home with the two children she kept, and I wonder how it was for her to give Ruslan up.  Was it by choice? Did she feel pressured? Was it against her will? Was it because of his deformity? Did she weep, or carelessly cast him off?  Does she think about him? Does she visit him? Will he one day long to know his siblings? Do his siblings know they have a brother out there somewhere? And I know these answers will likely never come.  I pray for her tonight, and I am thankful to her for the gift of Ruslan.  And I pray that I never know what it is like to have to give up a child. 

The woman at the SDA office said we can keep the photo of him as a young child if we replace it with another photo.  We don't have access to a printer, or a way to develop a photo but we are going to do everything we can to try and make that happen.  It is one of the few shreds of Ruslan's history, and we'd like to bring it home with us to preserve for him.

She told us a little about Ruslan....his birthdate, his siblings, his medical history, then asked if we wanted to see any other files.  We told her no, so she called to verify that Ruslan was in the orphanage, and she approved the referral.  We get our referral tomorrow at 4pm, and then we leave at 4am to travel to the region where his orphanage is. I just can't wait to see him....and if the tears came so freely at just the sight of his photo, I better bring some tissues!

Egg McMuffins, and Hotcakes and Hash Browns, Oh My!!!

WE JUST GOT TO SKYPE OUR BOY!!! YAY!!!!  And, I forgot to tell the comical anecdote that Mason told the people he is staying with, as they drove by McDonald's, that he has had that every day for breakfast for 11 weeks (or something crazy like that! I can't remember the exact amount!) Only in his dreams!!!! 

The Red Thread........

So, for those of you who haven't been keeping up on Facebook, we have arrived safely in Kiev.  We got in yesterday, and were exhausted after traveling! (We've got lots of down time right now, so this blog entry might have more detail than you want!)

After inadvertently looking at the arrival time instead of the departure time on our itinerary, we had to make a mad dash for the airport!  Graciously, the people watching Mason and the person driving us to the airport were able to accomodate the last minute change, and put up with our fiasco to get us out in time.  We pulled Mason out of school early, and accidentally left the dog-sitter with no key! (What I heard Bill say: "Do we need to leave a key for the dog sitter?" to which I replied "Yes!".....what he ACTUALLY said: "DID you leave a key for the dog sitter?" to which he thought I was saying YES! Oh brother, we miscommunicate in our native language, nevermind a foreign country!!!) Thankfully we had thought, at the last minute, to leave one with the people watching Mason, so they were able to coordinate and get a key to the dog sitter!  Our lawn however, was already reaching forest heights due to the rain all week and our crazy schedules. Bill planned to mow it right before we left, but the mix up with our flight times left us dashing out before he could do it.  So, THAT will be quite the adventure when we return!

We took a short flight from RDU (Raleigh-Durham) in to Washington, DC where we had a layover for a few hours.  On this first flight, I just kept welling up with tears.  (Not surprising for those of you who know me!) I just was so overwhelmed by this amazing miracle, by the love and support, by the fact that we were actually going....that it was really going to happen! (I am sure being exhausted, and leaving Mason added to the emotion.) But even Bill was emotional.  I mean truly, how do you say thank you? It just completely amazes us that the Lord could use so many wonderful and amazing individuals to help unite us with our boy. 

After that short flight, we flew on an 8 hour flight from DC to Munich, Germany.  When we got on that plane, we were sandwiched in the middle of a 4 seat row, with someone on either side of us.  Well, the thought of riding like that for 8 hours overnight was not too appealing, so I waited and watched.  As the plane filled up, I noticed one two seat row that had yet to be filled.  Like a hunter stalking her prey, I watched that seat...nervous with anticipation each time someone approached, and sighing relief when they kept walking by!  I asked the flight attendant if we could move in to those seats and I was told it was a full flight and we likely wouldn't be able to, but if they were empty when boarding ended we could go ahead and switch.  I am not to proud to admit that I did put my bag in the seat as a place holder, lest some other sardined passengers had the same idea...thinking it might act as a deterrent! Well, I am pleased to say that we were able to move, and we got to ride in our own 2 seat row for the overnight flight...which was really doing the people on the ends of that 4 seat row a favor too, so we were all happy.  (Particularly Bill, because the gentlemen next to him apparently didn't have much use for deodorant!)

We didn't sleep all that well on the flight, though we did get some rest in.  We had dinner and breakfast on the plane, and were able to watch some movies too.  (Or start watching, as we both did fall asleep for a bit during the movies!)

We had about an hour layover in Munich and then caught our last 2 hour flight to Kiev.  This airplane had lots of leg room, a larger cabin, and we both had room around us as the flight was not full.  Landing in Kiev, we were super nervous about customs, and the men in the camoflauge uniforms and combat boots didn't ease my nerves any! Turns out, we went through passport control without a word from the passport agent, and we never got a customs form on the plane (as our paperwork said we would).  After customs, we retrieved our luggage from the baggage carousel and sent it through the x-ray machine, then wandered aimlessly wondering what to do next.  Surely that couldn't be it? There was a door out of the airport to our right, a couple doors to some small offices in front of us, and a customs desk to the left.  Afraid to just walk out and miss some important step, we stopped at the customs desk to ask if we were supposed to check in there.  Some random guy, and the customs agent as well, were like "No...just go...you go out those doors!"   So that was it! No questions, no customs, no problem!  We walked out to a sea of people waiting, but were easily able to pick out our driver holding a sign with our name. 

He introduced himself, and was very nice.  He helped get our bags in to the car, and we were off.  He brought us to the market where we met our facilitator.  We drove through Kiev, looking at buildings, shops, billboards, and even a few McDonald's! At the store we were able to get a few groceries (with some guidance, because we couldn't read anything!) and exchange some money.  (Though one of our hundred dollar bills wasn't accepted because it wasn't new enough!)  We weren't very adventurous with the groceries, and got things we were mostly familiar with! We bought some bottled water, a bottle of Coca-Cola, some bread, some yogurt (because we could recognize the Dannon label!), some pasta (and after some help finding it, some spaghetti sauce!), butter (that our facilitator found for us!), milk (again, we picked up a bottle of white liquid thinking it was milk, but apparently it was kefir or something, but definitely not milk.  I don't know what kefir is....but they said we didn't want it, so we didn't take it!)  We packed our own PB & J, tuna fish and mayonnaise from home, so we plan to eat simple and keep the food budget down!  We also got a phone card so we can keep in touch with our facilitator easily. (And then somehow used the whole thing up in just a minute long phone call to Mason...guess it was a local phone card...and we'll be buying another....lesson learned!)  We met our facilitator's wife and daughter, and they were so kind and welcoming.  We went on to our apartment.

The elevator is tiny, so Bill and our facilitator took it with our luggage, and I walked up to meet them on the third floor.  Our apartment is furnished, complete with linens, dishes, silverware, soap, etc.  It has a washer, but no dryer, so we'll have to plan ahead for drying time when doing laundry.  It seems to be that we are the only Americans in the area though, and I feel like we stick out like a sore thumb (whether it's true or not!)  There is a school across the street from our apartment, and a playground on the other side.  It's nice to look out during the day and see families at the park together.  Everyone is out walking around on the sidewalks, near the market, etc.  The weather is beautiful, and the apartment is comfortable and safe. It's been nice having some time to relax and catch our breath.  After the pace of the last nine months, trying to fundraise, organize and complete paperwork, fundraise some more, prepare our hearts, our home and our son for this journey, it is nice to have some down time.  (And, it IS down time!!! Not much to do, TV is in another language, so we are online....or reading...today we even played Family Feud online!!!!) We didn't get out of our jammies, except to walk over to the market near our apartment.  That trip went a little better, but we still didn't venture too far out of our comfort zone! (Though we did order some meat at the deli! It looks like ham....smells like ham....we'll keep you posted!)  We also found two little children's magazines in Russian that had mazes, activities etc. and looked like they might be fun for Ruslan on the flights home, so we picked them up.  (Pray for my husband as he'll me making that veeeery loooooong journey alone with Ruslan!!!!)

We miss Mason like crazy, even though it's only the second day we've been gone! We were able to call him quickly tonight to say hi, and both of us welled up with tears! We know he's fine, we have TOTAL peace of mind with regards to where he is staying, but it is still so hard to be this far away, for this long.  We made him a recordable book so he can hear our voices whenever he wants, and we are hoping to be able to Skype too, which will make things easier! He has been such a trooper through this whole journey, and I will cherish the last weeks with him as the only child when I get back.  And then I will cherish the time with our whole family complete too! It's amazing how the Lord can multiply love, not divide it, as families grow!

It is 7 hours later here than it is back home, but I am wide awake even though it's 12:30am here.  Bill, however, is snoring on the couch as I type this! I was exhausted last night, and couldn't keep my eyes open, but I slept for 13 hours and that seemed to help a lot.  Hoping I can fall asleep tonight, as we meet with our facilitator in the morning, and then head to our SDA appointment to get permission to visit the orphanage. 

Hah, so I titled this post "The Red Thread" and then I want on and on rambling, and never got to the point! I came across this quote online today:

"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."  - Ancient Chinese Proverb

Well, when we were painting Ruslan's room, we realized the irony that we were working with an agency called Redline United, and we were also painting a bright red line around the center of Ruslan's bedroom (purely by coincidence!).  Then I came across something called the Red Thread project, which is a group of photographers that will come to your airport homecoming and do a photography session for you free of charge.  So, with my idle time tonight, I was going to look them up and get back to the photographer that will be doing our session.  In looking for them, I found that quote and then realized where the project got it's name.  And I just love that...the red thread.  And I love that red stripe in his room even more now.  And I know this boy was our son before we even knew it.  That this is what the Lord had in mind all along.  And that we are humbly and obediently following Him to see what this red thread is woven in to.  And we anticipate that there may be some missed stitches along the way, but we know the end result will be the perfect plan He has been crafting.  (Perfect in it's imperfections of course!) And they'll be days that we'll need the strength, and hope, and help and prayers of each one of the amazing people that have helped us navigate this journey.  And we know that the red thread is entwined around each of you as well.  That it's no accident that the Lord brought each of you in to our lives in the exact way, time and design that He did.  And it's no accident that He did the same with Ruslan.  And we are amazed, and humbled, at the tapestry He is weaving.