Yesterday, we drove for about 7 hours to the region where Ruslan's orphanage is located. It's a small town, and we are staying in an apartment on a dirt road not far from the orphanage (and the market!). When we arrived in town, we first stopped at the Inspector's office. When we arrived, she wasn't available to see our facilitator, so we all went to have lunch first. We went to a large market (similar to Wal-Mart, and we have affectionately been calling it that!) to eat. In the back of the store is a cafeteria with a salad bar, and a hot food bar. I wish I could say I have been adventurous in my food choices, but the sad truth is that I am sticking to things I know. (I did try green borscht though, and that was pretty good!) I had chicken and boiled potatoes for lunch, and it was very good! After lunch, we headed back to the Inspector's office, and when we arrived we walked right in. She asked us to tell her a little about ourselves, and then she talked with our facilitator for quite some time. We signed off that we received the referral, and then we were on our way to the orphanage.
I was staring out the window, all the way down the road, trying to catch a glimpse of the orphanage and so anxious to arrive. All the way, I saw school children on the side of the road walking. I assume there must have been a school nearby, though I didn't see it. I was wondering if that was the school that Ruslan went to, as he leaves the orphanage to go to a regular school.
The first thing I noticed about the orphanage was the black fence around it, and the gate we had to drive through to get in. As we pulled in, I just tried to take it all in. When we walked in there was a billboard with photos of kids engaged in different activities. I couldn't read what it said since it was in Russian, but it almost look like an advertisement for the orphanage or something. Maybe meant to give adoptive families a feel for what the children do there...not sure! It was eerily quiet, and I didn't see or hear one child on the way to the Director's office. Maybe they were outside, or in another building.
As we walked in, I was so filled with anticipation, and also a little nervous! We walked through to the Director's office, and sat down in front of her desk. There, she filled us in on Ruslan's history. His mother was born in 1982, and she was single when she had Ruslan in 2002. She never took Ruslan home from the hospital when he was born, and originally signed custody over for a 6 month temporary period. She then wrote a letter requesting he remain in custody. She never appeared in court so her parental rights were terminated by default. He was in the hospital for a year, and then placed in a different orphanage until he was 4. Then he came to the orphanage where he is now 5 years ago. His mother never came to visit him when he was in the hospital, or since. She lives with someone now, as well as a brother and sister of Ruslan's. The orphanage tried to request support payments from her, but since neither her nor her cohabitor have jobs, they were unsuccessful. They suspect Ruslan was given up because of his hare lip and cleft palate.
The orphanage doctor then came in to tell us about Ruslan's medical history. He has had three surgeries to repair his cleft/lip, and it is likely more work is necessary. They also told us he was taken to a mental institution in April, and they found him to be free of any mental incapacitation, other than his "defect" (cleft lip/palate) but that he is developmentally delayed (which comes as no surprise to us, given the circumstances he has been living in for the duration of his life thus far) and he will require speech therapy (also no surprise).
I have been thinking about Ruslan's mother for days. I don't know why...and I am really trying not to be judgmental, because I have never been in her position, and I don't know what it's like. But I am sad for Ruslan that he was cast away...I am angry that the one person in the world who was supposed to be there for him wasn't, and it hurts my heart to think about him laying in a hospital for the first year of his life with no one there to comfort and love him. I think about the three surgeries he endured as a young boy, with no one there to comfort him. Going under anesthesia and all that comes along with the procedure and healing....not once, but three times. I think about sending Mason off to surgery as a little boy....alone...and my stomach turns to think of his fear, his inability to understand, and how desperately he would need to held, loved and nurtured afterward. And I am glad that God was with Ruslan when we couldn't be.
We are told he has tested negative for HIV, hepatitis, syphillis and is generally healthy. We have a physical set up for him when we get home, where we will have a full examination, labs, etc. completed. We'll also be making a trip to the dentist. We spoke with his school as well, and the principal was extremely helfpul in helping us identify a class where the teacher was most likely to work well with him, and the children were most apt to be accepting. He will be getting speech therapy, and he'll be starting below what his grade level would typically be for his age, to allow him time to catch up. He'll, of course, be in ESL classes for several months. I am grateful beyond measure for the blessing of being able to spend some time home with him when he gets back to the US, so I can help him transition more successfully.
While we were speaking with the doctor, someone opened the Director's door and made an inquiry of the Director in Russian....the Director nodded her head in approval, and I am assuming the woman was asking if Ruslan could come in because after the Director's nod, the door opened and there he was. My breath caught in my throat, and I wasn't expecting him....didn't have the camera ready...but no matter...that is a moment that is forever etched in my mind. To say he was beaming would be an understatement. He literally ran across the room in to my arms, and we just hugged...and I cried....and he didn't let go! Then he hugged Bill, who was also tearing up. He has grown a bit taller, and his haircut is definitely in need of some attention...but he was beautiful...and there...in my arms, finally! After nine months of waiting, hoping and praying, our little boy was in our arms. He was so excited to see us, his little hands were shaking. He reached out to hold my hand, wherever we went. We took some photos, and then we were brought upstairs to a play room of sorts to spend some time together.
We took pictures (one of Ruslan's favorite past times...the camera was what brought him out of his shell in the airport when he first came to us for hosting) so we have lots of photos of random things on our camera now! We played some ball, and it was so great to be alone with him. Bill picked Ruslan up to touch the ceiling, one of Ruslan's favorite things, and he was giggling and squealing with delight! At one point, a small group of children came in to the room, and we had to leave. It looked like they were doing a gym class of sorts. I could see in to the room as their class was going on, and I wanted to hug those children with their curious eyes and covert smiles and waves. We were in the younger children's building, and I was a bit sad not to be able to see where Ruslan has been living. I was really hopeful to get some photos for him.
After our visit, our facilitator came in and was talking to Ruslan in Russian. I could tell Ruslan was suddenly sad and withdrawn. I asked what the conversation was, and we were told that Ruslan would now be staying on this side of the orphanage, with the younger children. We were told that the older children would be really hard on him once they found out he was going home to a family, so it would be better for him to be with the younger children. Ruslan was very sad, and so were we. In his last days there, he is taken from the children and caregivers he knows and moved in to a whole new building, with no warning. It was even harder because it was also time for us to leave. We explained that we'd be coming back tomorrow (today) to see him, and he gave us each a hug. Then he walked away with his head down, looking at the ground and clearly upset. It was so hard to walk away. I tried to look back to see if he was okay, but I couldn't see him.
It was a very emotional day. A good friend pointed out that it was almost as if I had been building up all this emotion over the past nine months, and seeing him was like a release of all that. So I came back to the apartment and had a pretty good cry. Which seemed very backwards and unexpected to me, as it was such a happy day! I was grateful for the wisdom and encouragement of some amazing women, who really were able to point me back to God, and offer the words I needed to cling to yesterday. I love this thought, shared by someone who has been on this same journey: "Isn't it amazing to think that throughout Ruslan's life, each time he has cried, God has cried with him... and now he has a mama to cry when he hurts... and it is a miracle."
I just have to remember that God is with him when we can't be, loves Him even more than we do, and has only the best plans for him. I cling to that today.
I was staring out the window, all the way down the road, trying to catch a glimpse of the orphanage and so anxious to arrive. All the way, I saw school children on the side of the road walking. I assume there must have been a school nearby, though I didn't see it. I was wondering if that was the school that Ruslan went to, as he leaves the orphanage to go to a regular school.
The first thing I noticed about the orphanage was the black fence around it, and the gate we had to drive through to get in. As we pulled in, I just tried to take it all in. When we walked in there was a billboard with photos of kids engaged in different activities. I couldn't read what it said since it was in Russian, but it almost look like an advertisement for the orphanage or something. Maybe meant to give adoptive families a feel for what the children do there...not sure! It was eerily quiet, and I didn't see or hear one child on the way to the Director's office. Maybe they were outside, or in another building.
As we walked in, I was so filled with anticipation, and also a little nervous! We walked through to the Director's office, and sat down in front of her desk. There, she filled us in on Ruslan's history. His mother was born in 1982, and she was single when she had Ruslan in 2002. She never took Ruslan home from the hospital when he was born, and originally signed custody over for a 6 month temporary period. She then wrote a letter requesting he remain in custody. She never appeared in court so her parental rights were terminated by default. He was in the hospital for a year, and then placed in a different orphanage until he was 4. Then he came to the orphanage where he is now 5 years ago. His mother never came to visit him when he was in the hospital, or since. She lives with someone now, as well as a brother and sister of Ruslan's. The orphanage tried to request support payments from her, but since neither her nor her cohabitor have jobs, they were unsuccessful. They suspect Ruslan was given up because of his hare lip and cleft palate.
The orphanage doctor then came in to tell us about Ruslan's medical history. He has had three surgeries to repair his cleft/lip, and it is likely more work is necessary. They also told us he was taken to a mental institution in April, and they found him to be free of any mental incapacitation, other than his "defect" (cleft lip/palate) but that he is developmentally delayed (which comes as no surprise to us, given the circumstances he has been living in for the duration of his life thus far) and he will require speech therapy (also no surprise).
I have been thinking about Ruslan's mother for days. I don't know why...and I am really trying not to be judgmental, because I have never been in her position, and I don't know what it's like. But I am sad for Ruslan that he was cast away...I am angry that the one person in the world who was supposed to be there for him wasn't, and it hurts my heart to think about him laying in a hospital for the first year of his life with no one there to comfort and love him. I think about the three surgeries he endured as a young boy, with no one there to comfort him. Going under anesthesia and all that comes along with the procedure and healing....not once, but three times. I think about sending Mason off to surgery as a little boy....alone...and my stomach turns to think of his fear, his inability to understand, and how desperately he would need to held, loved and nurtured afterward. And I am glad that God was with Ruslan when we couldn't be.
We are told he has tested negative for HIV, hepatitis, syphillis and is generally healthy. We have a physical set up for him when we get home, where we will have a full examination, labs, etc. completed. We'll also be making a trip to the dentist. We spoke with his school as well, and the principal was extremely helfpul in helping us identify a class where the teacher was most likely to work well with him, and the children were most apt to be accepting. He will be getting speech therapy, and he'll be starting below what his grade level would typically be for his age, to allow him time to catch up. He'll, of course, be in ESL classes for several months. I am grateful beyond measure for the blessing of being able to spend some time home with him when he gets back to the US, so I can help him transition more successfully.
While we were speaking with the doctor, someone opened the Director's door and made an inquiry of the Director in Russian....the Director nodded her head in approval, and I am assuming the woman was asking if Ruslan could come in because after the Director's nod, the door opened and there he was. My breath caught in my throat, and I wasn't expecting him....didn't have the camera ready...but no matter...that is a moment that is forever etched in my mind. To say he was beaming would be an understatement. He literally ran across the room in to my arms, and we just hugged...and I cried....and he didn't let go! Then he hugged Bill, who was also tearing up. He has grown a bit taller, and his haircut is definitely in need of some attention...but he was beautiful...and there...in my arms, finally! After nine months of waiting, hoping and praying, our little boy was in our arms. He was so excited to see us, his little hands were shaking. He reached out to hold my hand, wherever we went. We took some photos, and then we were brought upstairs to a play room of sorts to spend some time together.
We took pictures (one of Ruslan's favorite past times...the camera was what brought him out of his shell in the airport when he first came to us for hosting) so we have lots of photos of random things on our camera now! We played some ball, and it was so great to be alone with him. Bill picked Ruslan up to touch the ceiling, one of Ruslan's favorite things, and he was giggling and squealing with delight! At one point, a small group of children came in to the room, and we had to leave. It looked like they were doing a gym class of sorts. I could see in to the room as their class was going on, and I wanted to hug those children with their curious eyes and covert smiles and waves. We were in the younger children's building, and I was a bit sad not to be able to see where Ruslan has been living. I was really hopeful to get some photos for him.
After our visit, our facilitator came in and was talking to Ruslan in Russian. I could tell Ruslan was suddenly sad and withdrawn. I asked what the conversation was, and we were told that Ruslan would now be staying on this side of the orphanage, with the younger children. We were told that the older children would be really hard on him once they found out he was going home to a family, so it would be better for him to be with the younger children. Ruslan was very sad, and so were we. In his last days there, he is taken from the children and caregivers he knows and moved in to a whole new building, with no warning. It was even harder because it was also time for us to leave. We explained that we'd be coming back tomorrow (today) to see him, and he gave us each a hug. Then he walked away with his head down, looking at the ground and clearly upset. It was so hard to walk away. I tried to look back to see if he was okay, but I couldn't see him.
It was a very emotional day. A good friend pointed out that it was almost as if I had been building up all this emotion over the past nine months, and seeing him was like a release of all that. So I came back to the apartment and had a pretty good cry. Which seemed very backwards and unexpected to me, as it was such a happy day! I was grateful for the wisdom and encouragement of some amazing women, who really were able to point me back to God, and offer the words I needed to cling to yesterday. I love this thought, shared by someone who has been on this same journey: "Isn't it amazing to think that throughout Ruslan's life, each time he has cried, God has cried with him... and now he has a mama to cry when he hurts... and it is a miracle."
I just have to remember that God is with him when we can't be, loves Him even more than we do, and has only the best plans for him. I cling to that today.
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