So, with this adoption comes many choices. One of which is what we decide on for the name that goes on the adoption paperwork. Originally, we were both really against changing Ruslan's name. He is almost ten, and he's had that name his whole life. Besides which, it seemed really strange to us to ever be able to call him something different, because we know him as Ruslan. The entire community rallying for him knows him as Ruslan. And, he knows himself as Ruslan. And he'd have to learn to write a whole new name!
But lately, Bill and I have been thinking more about this. We have to make a decision within the next week or so. And we are truly torn. We are now thinking about all the adjustments he'll be needing to make, and the fact that he will already be standing out a bit. We are wondering if an Americanized (is that a word?!) name might help make that adjustment a little easier. We asked our facilitator's opinion, and he said that a foreign name is just one more way for kids to tease him. Bill and I can both think back to our school careers and remember how those with foreign or different names were teased. Sad, but true, that kids can be so cruel. Not only that, but virtually no one pronounces his name correctly in America!
Then we are also aware of the fact that Ruslan is almost ten, and we feel like he should have some say as to what he would prefer to do. But, we also feel it could be confusing to ask him if he wants to change his name or not, as that is a pretty big decision for a child to make-especially in the midst of this huge transition in his life.
Obviously the decision is ultimately ours, but we would love for you to comment and share your opinions. We feel like each of you had a part in bringing him home and we would also love for you to be a part of this big decision. We will respectfully hear all feedback and thoughts, as we want to be sure there isn't something that we haven't considered yet. That being said, we ask for the same respect with regards to whatever decision we make about his name. We've heard strong arguments on both sides, and we aren't looking to spark a debate. We are truly just interested in hearing some different perspectives and opinions as we weigh our decision.
We do have an American name picked out for him, and we like it very much! (We'll share that in a later post so it doesn't get in the way of decision making!) So his name will either be "(American Name) Ruslan Kochies" or "Ruslan (American Name) Kochies". We have decided not to keep his current last name as part of his name, and he'll be taking the last name Kochies. Right now, we are considering the following:
Leave his name as Ruslan, and give the middle name we like-he still goes by Ruslan.
Change his first name to the name we like, but leave Ruslan as his middle name, and have him go by the new first name.
Give him the choice to decide which name he likes better, and change it to that.
Make the decision for him and then let him choose later if he wants to go by first or middle name.
So, that's where we're at. We'd love to hear your thoughts! Go!
But lately, Bill and I have been thinking more about this. We have to make a decision within the next week or so. And we are truly torn. We are now thinking about all the adjustments he'll be needing to make, and the fact that he will already be standing out a bit. We are wondering if an Americanized (is that a word?!) name might help make that adjustment a little easier. We asked our facilitator's opinion, and he said that a foreign name is just one more way for kids to tease him. Bill and I can both think back to our school careers and remember how those with foreign or different names were teased. Sad, but true, that kids can be so cruel. Not only that, but virtually no one pronounces his name correctly in America!
Then we are also aware of the fact that Ruslan is almost ten, and we feel like he should have some say as to what he would prefer to do. But, we also feel it could be confusing to ask him if he wants to change his name or not, as that is a pretty big decision for a child to make-especially in the midst of this huge transition in his life.
Obviously the decision is ultimately ours, but we would love for you to comment and share your opinions. We feel like each of you had a part in bringing him home and we would also love for you to be a part of this big decision. We will respectfully hear all feedback and thoughts, as we want to be sure there isn't something that we haven't considered yet. That being said, we ask for the same respect with regards to whatever decision we make about his name. We've heard strong arguments on both sides, and we aren't looking to spark a debate. We are truly just interested in hearing some different perspectives and opinions as we weigh our decision.
We do have an American name picked out for him, and we like it very much! (We'll share that in a later post so it doesn't get in the way of decision making!) So his name will either be "(American Name) Ruslan Kochies" or "Ruslan (American Name) Kochies". We have decided not to keep his current last name as part of his name, and he'll be taking the last name Kochies. Right now, we are considering the following:
Leave his name as Ruslan, and give the middle name we like-he still goes by Ruslan.
Change his first name to the name we like, but leave Ruslan as his middle name, and have him go by the new first name.
Give him the choice to decide which name he likes better, and change it to that.
Make the decision for him and then let him choose later if he wants to go by first or middle name.
So, that's where we're at. We'd love to hear your thoughts! Go!
I understand all sides. I think it's worth asking his opinion and he might surprise you that he might like the chance to "leave it behind" if you will. But can also see how he might be attached to it as its kinda of all he has from there. Either way keeping Ruslan as a first or middle name is great and no matter were it goes doesn't effect what you call him. And everybody else will follow suit... I can think of a hundred people that exclusively go by their middle name and tho on the first day of school they might call him once by Ruslan but once corrected won't do
ReplyDeleteIt again. So I say dont stress over it... No matter what way you go it'll work out. Prayers for the rest of the journey
I agree kids can be mean I think you should make his American name his first name so that when his teachers call his name off the roll in class he they will say it correct and he will not be made fun of I go by a nickname and when teachers call my (real name ) sometimes they can't pronounce it and other times kids think its funny to call me that and I don't like it so if his American name is his first name he will also have the choice to got by which ever he likes. I think this would make the school adjustment alittle easier.
ReplyDeleteI think I already shared my opinion in person with you but that was before deadline time:) Obviously I support whatever you decide but my opinion is that you should go with Ruslan (American name) Kochies. It's always an option for him to go by his middle name as he gets older-but for all the transition he's making-I feel like that might just be one piece of familiarity for him. I just spent the night with 3 ukranian girls though-2 with switched names and 1with original name-all were well adjusted to them a year later so either way I think he'll be ok:) I've loved reading ur blog entries-keep them coming! Laura
ReplyDeleteKaren, I am thrilled to be reading your blog!!! Hug and kiss all the kids! Soooo happy for you and Ruslan! I definitely have thoughts and opinions about the name, but I am falling asleep right now, so I'll have to write tomorrow. A short version of my long reply: keep his first name as Ruslan!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all - I love each of you, I am praying for you, and I support the decision you make because it is what you deem best. I certainly believe that you should see what his thoughts are first. He may be very attached to being Ruslan, he may love the idea of having an "American" name, or maybe he doesn't really have an opinion. Personally, I like the idea of giving him a middle name and using it as a nickname if you or he chooses to go by it. I think it's important for him to have your last name and that is incredibly exciting! I look forward to hearing what you decide.
ReplyDelete