Today marks our 19th day in country. This journey has turned in to an exercise in patience as we wait to hear about our court date. We are both a little stir crazy, and we are anxiously awaiting the news. We should know something by Friday as that is the last day we can change our current flights to whatever they will need to be for the new itinerary.
We are blessed to spend time at the orphanage each day, though my heart breaks a little more each time. There is no real way to describe it, other than that it is just a heaviness that sets in. A couple days ago, we were sitting at the table working on a puzzle, when a little girl squatted down in the tall grass and weeds on the outer part of the playground right next to us. She proceeded to relieve herself (a "number two" as Mason would say). She reached back with her hand as if to start to wipe herself, but then waddled around with her pants around her knees until she found a piece of litter on the ground to wipe herself with. Then she threw the soiled piece of trash back on the ground, pulled up her pants and ran off. We then watched as several other children ran back and forth, playing in that area. And I shuddered to think about the child who comes along thinking that piece of paper might make a nice paper airplane.
This reminds me of one of the first days that we visited the orphanage. Ruslan went to urinate behind one of the playground shelters. I am not sure if the children aren't allowed to go inside during playground time, or if they are afraid to ask, or what. But it appears it is not unheard of for the children to urinate and defecate right where they play. Needless to say, when Ruslan announces "too-ah-let"....we take him inside so he can use the bathroom!
I love those moments at the orphanage though, when my heart sings if even for a moment. Like when I tell a little girl that "Bog" (God) loves her, and she lights up with this beautiful smile. Or when friendships are fostered and Ruslan is letting himself receive kindness from another orphanage child, rather than shutting them out in fear and defensiveness. Or the way the children have come to know us, and eagerly greet us during our visit each day. Or the time when one caregiver (we hadn't seen her before, and I don't think she is Ruslan's regular caregiver) noticed Ruslan's clothes were filthy, and she went out of her way to go find him something clean before our visit began. It was a rare act of tenderness, and she was so kind and gentle with him.
I have especially grown fond of a little boy named Maksim. He is sweet, quiet and gentle, but fun-loving. He reached out to Ruslan with compassion, and he loves to play but is always gentle with the other children. (A rarity in the hierarchy of orphanage play....we've seen much shoving, hitting, pushing, kicking, grabbing, etc!) I don't know why he has impressed upon me in such a way, but I pray that a forever family is found for him (and all the children). I am grateful that at least God is watching out for them and He has a plan for each of them. I have to remind myself to rest in that often.
We took a different path home from the store yesterday, just to try and break up the monotony. As we were walking, we passed some buildings that have the same unmistakable fences/gate as the orphanage we are visiting Ruslan at. We know the baby orphanage and the older children's orphanage are somewhere in Bilgorod as well, so we assume these must be the buildings. We stop to take photos of the building, the guard shack and the playground. When flipping through our camera photos today, Ruslan came across those photos. The pictures of the first building didn't elicit any response, but when he got to the second one he lit up with recognition. And it was so sad. My heart hurt for him in a huge way. He recognized that as "home" and was kind of looking at the photo with this nostalgic longing. If you remember, the last time he left there he wasn't aware that he wouldn't be going back.
He asked me if I could take more pictures for him, and even asked if I could go inside and take pictures. I explained that we weren't able to go inside, but that I would try to get him some more photos of the outside. He started naming off the children that were there, and pointing to himself to tell us it was "his" orphanage. I pray that we are allowed to visit that building. We have families anxiously awaiting photos of their waiting little ones, and delivery of the gifts they've sent for them. And, we really want to take some photos for Ruslan to have as a history of sorts for himself. I know it isn't much, but it is all he has. I am tearful now just thinking about it. I am sure he misses the familiarity, the children and the caregivers. Despite how he is treated, that is still his "home". I know he'll have a home with us, and none of that will matter, and it is truly a blessing...I get that. But it is sad that in order to have the blessing of a family, he had to endure yet another transition, yet another case of being cast off and sent away, yet another abrupt separation. I am glad this is the end of abandonment for this little boy.
Or is it? That brings up a whole other issue! The ten day waiting period. Originally, our plan was that Bill would stay here during the waiting period. We expected that it would cut down costs considerably, but most importantly, we really wanted to maintain contact with Ruslan during those ten days. That was the whole goal. But now we have learned that it will be almost double the cost of what we originally planned if we do that. With remaining payments on the table just for the adoption, we are trying to be prudent about expenditures and definitely don't want to incur more expenses. (Especially if we end up incurring more costs for staying longer than expected!) Even if they gave us an option of him staying here without a driver to lower costs, we aren't sure that is the best idea being that he would be alone, with walking as his only transportation, and the nearest familiar contact almost 8 hours away. It seems very safe here, but we still aren't convinced that is the wisest thing to do. (Especially with strangers ringing our doorbell repeatedly!) Today, there was some guy pounding...literally pounding....on the door.....at first we acted like we weren't there, but he kept pounding harder and harder. Finally, Bill said, "hello?" to which the man responded something in Russian. Bill said, "No Ruski"...and then the guy left. So weird. Yesterday we were woken up by a woman ringing the doorbell. I know we are staying in someone's apartment, but you think they would let people know they aren't going to be here! Anyway, I digress....prayers appreciated for wisdom as we make decisions about the waiting period.
Bill could go to Kiev for the ten days because he wouldn't need a driver and the lodging would be cheaper, but then he wouldn't be getting to see Ruslan anyway so if that is our only option, he might as well come home. (Which is tempting in and of itself because we are both missing Mason terribly, and we could both go for a dose of home right about now!)
Neither one of us wants to explain to Ruslan that we're leaving for ten days. Not after we've reconnected with him. I know it's only ten days in the grand scheme of things, but I think those ten days will feel like a lifetime to that little boy. And of course, we'll explain why we have to go and that we'll be back, but I am not sure that makes it any easier. I am sure it still feels like the only people in the world who love you are leaving. Again, I know it will all be worth it in the end....but it's the process of getting there that can be tough!
We love Skype and have really been grateful to connect with Mason each night. (Though as I am typing this, our Skype is not working...so hopefully we can get that back up and running again.) He is so brave. We miss him so much! (Okay, that is an understatement!) He, and we, have had some tearful times during this separation. We are so grateful he is staying with a loving, Godly family who can pray with him and read devotions that speak to what is heavy on his little heart. That he has a small group leader who invests in him and loves him, and an Upward coach that encourages him and cheers him on. What an awesome thing to have other adults pouring in to him. We just can't wait to get home to love on him. This is a big month for us to be away and he is handling it like a champ. Come on court date! We want our family home under one roof once and for all!
Please know that each of you is an integral block in our family structure now. Your prayers, pennies, thoughts, advice, tears, laughter, support...all of it. It is no accident that you came in to our lives exactly when you did. The Lord intended to use you in this journey in exactly the way that He has. Thank you so much for being open to that. For answering the stirring He placed in your heart. And for walking with us every step of the way. Without you, this wouldn't have been possible. I'll say it a hundred times...."thank you" just isn't enough.
