Allow Me To Clarify

We believe Ruslan belongs in our family, we love him, and we want to call him “son”. There is a hole in our hearts and our home since he left. The attachment we made to him was undeniable, the progress remarkable, and the bond inseperable.

We have been tiptoeing around the words since he left…not even consciously. A close friend was able to lovingly point out that we have yet to come right out and say it. (Thank you for your truth, shared in love.) We want to adopt Ruslan.

After letting her words soak in, and doing some reflection, Bill and I have concluded that there are a few reasons for our trepidation….which we are setting aside our pride to share.

The first is that we are more than well aware that on paper it doesn’t seem to make much sense that we would want to adopt. It’s no secret that we’ve had our fair share of financial missteps, and that we are working to pay off debt. Many people might think that we are foolish to even consider the added expense of adoption in our current position. What have we learned? That the Lord doesn’t care about our past, about our debt, or about what the numbers look like on paper. He has called us to care for orphans, and he will honor our obedience in doing so. That paying off debt and funding an adoption are not mutually exclusive, and that we can slowly chip away at both. That we may not be rich, and we may not have as much as some, but we have everything we need to give Ruslan a stable, loving home.

The second is that there are people, maybe even people very close to us, who choose not to, or simply aren’t able to accept or embrace the idea of adoption. There are those who strongly disagree with the notion, those who just think it is a bad idea for us, and those who think there are children right here who should be helped, rather than internationally. This is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the resistance we have heard/felt. It is made particularly more painful because we don’t doubt that if we were announcing a pregnancy instead of an impending adoption, there would be much joy and celebration. What have we learned? When facing an endeavor this big, this life changing, we need all the support we can get. I am not talking about monetary support….I mean true, unwavering, unconditional support for the journey we are about to embark on. I mean knowing that friends and family are right there with us….celebrating each success and sharing in the difficult times. We have also learned that we can’t make people choose to understand, choose to support us, or choose to share in this journey. That is a decision only they can make, and they are the ones losing out if they choose not to be a part of something this awesome. We have learned that Ruslan didn’t choose to be thrown away as an infant, and he doesn’t deserve to be institutionalized. We know that despite the suffereing he has endured in his nine short years, there is a tenderness to him, a quiet and subdued strength that has allowed him to endure, and a heart just overflowing with love. That the people who don’t support us didn’t have to listen to that little boy sob at the thought of being relegated back to the orphanage….they didn’t have to tend to and heal the sores and cuts on his body when he arrived….they didn’t have to watch him hide his face in shame and shy away from speaking to/looking at others because of his deformity and delayed speech and the ridicule they earn him. They didn’t have to drive him back to the airport, like driving a lamb to the slaughter, and send him off to a bleak future. They didn’t have to see the love Ruslan had for us, the connection he made with Mason, and the pride he beamed with when we told him (and finally convinced him!) that he is smart, and strong and brave. They didn't get to see the fierce love that Mason had for Ruslan, and the comraderie that existed between the two. That some things truly can’t be appreciated until they are experienced, and that however hurtful it may be, we can’t let that lack of support dissuade us. We know in our hearts that adopting this boy is the right thing to do.

The third is that we were paralyzed by the fear of having to fundraise such an astronomical amount of money. Paralyzed. Truly. This has probably been the thing holding us back the most. We are disappointed with our lack of blind faith, but we know that the Lord is clearly working to stretch and grow us in this area. He has been so faithful in provision, and in softening the hearts of those who have so generously given already. What have we learned? A little girl is coming home tomorrow with her family from the Ukraine…..God had to move mountains to make that happen. They fundraised nearly all of their needed money. If He has done it once, He has done it a thousand times, and He will be faithful in provision for us as well. If He isn’t….it’s because it was never in His plan for Ruslan to be in our family.

The fourth is that we have been afraid of being a “burden”…of inconveniencing others with our prayer requests and fundraising efforts. Of running the risk that someone disconnects from us, blocks us on Facebook, decides to stop asking how we’re doing or what is going on with us because they are tired of hearing about all things adoption. What have we learned? The small inconvenience that might come with reading the same status update more than once, listening to the umpteenth plea for support, etc. pales in comparison to the burden this little boy carries every day.

The fifth is that we have been trying to take the advice to seek the Lord and to understand what He wants us to do. And we have no idea….truly. We know that He stirred our hearts for the hosting program for a reason. We know that months ago, even before we planned to host, we picked Ruslan’s picture out of a basket, and began praying for him. We ultimately picked another child to host, and that child ended up in a different hosting program instead. Three photos were presented to us to make another selection. One of them was Ruslan….and he so clearly stuck out to us. We chose him….twice. We saw something in those eyes, that smile. What have we learned? That other host families might have likely given up on him due to his lack of impulse control, his tendency for tantrums and defiance when upset, and the sheer amount of energy required to pour love into him. That others recognized the amazing transformation in Ruslan in just three weeks. That we are prepared for not knowing what might come, for the fact that he will need much investment and support, and that he is worthy of every bit of that and more. That people who watched us with Ruslan during the hosting program, who watched us interact with and respond to him, have all said that it is so evident that he is our son. That we only need to pray that we be obedient to Him and walk through those doors He opens, and that we are humble enough to understand why He might close others. That we are along for the ride, and must strive daily to be in His word and on the path He is paving. We only need to seek Him...He will confirm if this is the right path.

Quite possibly the biggest lesson of all is that there is a little boy out there tonight who deserves the carefree and fun-loving life of a child. A little boy whose tears have outnumbered his smiles. A little boy who deserves to be exposed to the joy that comes with being part of a family. A little boy we love….I have watched my husband weep for this boy that he loves as his own, I have watched my son lament the loss of a friend and “brother”, and I have had it affirmed in my heart that I am this child’s mother….the only mother he has ever known.

So, allow me to clarify…..we want to adopt Ruslan, and there is no shame in admitting that or sharing that. Won’t you join us and support us on this journey? We need you in our corner, and more importantly, Ruslan needs people willing to fight for him. You could be part of history for this little boy, and you could help gift him with the most precious treasure of all….a family.

“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”- Matthew 18:5 (originally posted 9/2/11)