Enough?

We received the following news today:

"I followed up about the situation where the orphanage director had asked about the timeline for your adoption process because of concern she had for being able to accommodate Ruslan. I relayed that your home study was still a few weeks from being done and that you would not likely get your dossier to Ukraine in time for an SDA appointment date in December. The last two years the SDA has paused appointment assignments after about December 10th and not restarted until the first week in February. The opinion was quickly stated that the orphanage director would move Ruslan. Ruslan knows you are coming and his assurance has emboldened his behavior in ways that create challenges for the orphanage staff.

I can't provide any details about what's ahead. Ruslan would likely be moved within the region to a facility that is geared to developmentally delayed children. It really is hard to assess whether this move would be positive or negative. I am sure there would be some of both dynamics affecting the new situation.

In situations like this where there is little that can be done to change the outcome or the direction of things, our best tactic is to pray and ask for God's blessing in the midst of a trying situation. And move forward as quickly as is possible with your adoption preparations.

I will continue to inquire about developments and will pass you the address of Ruslan's new orphanage."

I just don't have words. When is enough enough? When will we be able to bring this little boy home to a loving family? When will the disruption in this little boy's life be calmed, so he can work on building trust and learning that he can depend on someone? I know we are told that it is hard to tell whether this change will be positive or negative...I am really trying to be objective and consider the positive in this move....but my heart as a mother, my experiences with Ruslan...they both tell me that this move is a negative for him. It means feeling rejected and cast out once again...feeling not good enough yet another time....it means leaving the only thing he knows as normal right now, and disconnecting from the only "friends" and caretakers he knows....it means the awareness that yet another person/people are giving him up because they no longer want him.....it means developing new coping mechanisms, which may mean his behavior worsens....it means fear and apprehension about a new situation, and about new caretakers which Ruslan is particularly uneasy with...it means new sounds and sights, which I can only guess are not always that positive in a facility for delayed children....some comfort comes in knowing that God loves this child even more than we do, and that He will watch over him. We pray that is enough.

I am in tears as I write this. I am angry. I am frustrated. I am saddened and I hurt for Ruslan. I know this process needs to be in the Lord's time, but I sometimes wish I could just wave a magic wand and have Ruslan home. That money was no obstacle, and that we could just submit our paperwork tomorrow and move forward in the process. That we could avoid this move that places him in yet another institution, and adds more emotional baggage that will need unpacking.

I was at first surprised to hear that Ruslan knows we are coming for him. I was unclear as to how this could be, since we have been exceptionally careful to not even HINT at that possibility. But part of me is not surprised...we are his parents. The only mother and father he has ever known. Of course he will assume we are coming to take him home, just as we know our Heavenly father will call us home one day. Because a Father doesn't forsake his children, and neither do parents. I pray with every fiber of my being that he knows we are coming for him...not in his mind, but in his heart, in his soul. That we love him unconditionally, that we will not cast him away, and that his spot at the breakfast table is still here. That his toys are waiting, that his clothes are clean and ready, that his little brother is eager to laugh and play again. I pray that truth is enough to sustain him during difficult days, and that it is a hope he can cling to.

Please lift our family in prayer, and most importantly, please lift Ruslan in prayer. Pray specifically for safety and protection for him, for his peace, courage and fortitude.

Pray that the Lord's will be done, and that we are obedient in what he calls us to.

Pray that if the Lord would have Ruslan to be our son, that he continues to bless our journey and help it move forward with Godspeed.

Thank you to the so many of you who have given of your time, treasures and personal experience to support us. Words truly are not enough to say thank you...please know that this family will be eternally grateful to you. We hope that is enough!