Thursday, March 29, 2012

Reflections

You're welcome in advance for my random ramblings and musical links for your entertainment! What can I say, it's late!  We received word today that our dossier was submitted.  We have done all we can do now on the American side of things.  We should hear about our travel date in about a month...and we'll be traveling a few weeks after that.

With so many unknowns and variables (some families have received as little as 12 days notice to travel!) I can't help but be a little anxious! And I work hard at squelching that nagging voice that reminds me that it's just money that is standing in the way now.  We have lots of fundraising left to do, and still need to finalize plans for where Mason will stay while we are gone.  I can't even begin to think about the details of packing, and then there are all the unknowns we will encounter while in Ukraine, including the outcome of the court hearing.  Thankfully, God is in the details. 

For the last two weeks, my father's cancer surgery, hospitalization, and worsening Parkinson's disease have had me travelling in and out of state (to South Carolina) and very emotional.  He is frustrated, upset and so sad....and at only 60, he feels he has lost his life as he knows it.  There is some family drama along with the situation (a la Jerry Springer!) and I am truly exhausted.  The thank you notes to supporters that I was writing were put on hold...the progress in packaging our fundraising CD's was put on hold...I haven't returned a single one of our facilitator's e-mails...Facebook messages, phone calls and e-mails have gone unreturned.  And here I am sleepless at 2am! (Becky Radzinski...I know you feel my pain! It seems the only time blogging is a possibility is the middle of the night!)

I looked back at some paperwork this week, and I realized that we signed our adoption agreement on the exact six year anniversary of my mother's death.  I find that interesting because she passed away on the very day that we learned we were pregnant with Mason (within hours actually).  And then the day we officially decide to bring another child into our family, is the anniversary of her passing.  We didn't even realize it at the time, but looking back it is a poignant observation.  We have always maintained that she is Mason's guardian angel, and we know she'll be watching over Ruslan too! If she were here, she would be overjoyed at this journey we are on...she had a heart for the Lord and a heart for children that is simply unsurpassed!

I have a new found respect for families that tackle the uphill journey of adoption.  I have a blossoming and growing faith in a God that provides and is good, no matter what.  I have an unparalleled gratitude for friends and strangers that come together, not only with monetary support, but with moral support.  And I am just simply so humbled to be part of the amazing and awesome plan that is unfolding for this little boy, a world away.  I pray that through the trials and losses I face with my own parents, I can somehow have a heart that is even more empathetic to a little boy who has been feeling that loss since the first day he was born.  That remembering this little boy would give anything to have a family to argue with puts any family disagreements in perspective.  That I remember this journey (both adoption and life!) is not meant to be taken on in my own strength.  That I can rest in Him and know that He has a plan.  I just need to get out of the way and listen for it!

I am so grateful for a husband that is my best friend, an amazing father, and solid as a rock for me and our family.  I am so proud to know that Mason and Ruslan have a good and Godly man to look up to, and I am grateful beyond measure that our paths converged.  At the risk of going a little too country (Rascall Flats!) it is no cliche to say that God truly blessed the broken road that led me straight to him! And come to think of it, God blessed the broken road that led Ruslan straight to us too! It is so amazing how He makes beautiful things out of the dust.

A year ago, I couldn't have predicted this crazy journey that I am on today.  But I am grateful for the lessons, the learning, the love, the laughter and even the tears....they are all shaping, growing and changing me and they are all pointing me back to a great God who is with me every step of the way.  I read a quote I love today..."Remember, not knowing how it's all going to turn out is a GOOD thing...It gives life the chance to take your breath away!"



No comments:

Post a Comment